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D: I love laying the FUCK down and sleeping

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W: I have decided that I am incompatible with this reality
W: Meet me in a parallel universe

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D: Get in loser we’re gonna admire moss and mushrooms in the forest

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D: Black cats don't give you bad luck but hating black cats does in the form of my fists

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W: Really it is wild that sign language exists and is perfectly accessible and yet it's not a taught second language in schools
W: Yeah you can use it under water and in situations where u need to be silent and that's all cool and everything but you can also use it to talk to deaf people which is more than enough reason already
D: Just let sign language be an option in schools

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D: Crows aren't "death omens" or "evil" you fool
D: They're just funky little dudes
W: They are still scary when there are thousands staring down at you, a massacre of crows, waiting
D: So you saw a group of potential new friends waiting politely and patiently for you to join and hang out with them and you just ran away instead of realizing how blessed you were?
D: Sucks to be you i guess
D: Fortunately I'd never make such a mistake

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D: You seriously think I'm going to start doing this task I've been set and burden myself with the possibility of actually finishing it in time?
D: I have to laugh

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D: I'm the 8th deadly sin

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W: Prophecy class cancelled due to foreseen circumstances

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W: A good romance starts with a good friendship!
D: A bad romance starts with "rah rah ah ah ah, ro ma ma ga ga, ooh la la"

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D: Once I saw someone write "lgtb" instead of "lgbt" and it confused me but now I love it because it's the perfect acronym to "let's guillotine the bourgeoisie"
W: Let's get this bread
D: Bread is exactly what the French wanted when they guillotined the bourgeoisie

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W: Plankton built his computer wife so he's also the one who programmed her personality
W: Plankton made a wife who would belittle and mock him
W: Plankton has a humiliation fetish
D: Sometimes we have thoughts but we don't have to share them with everyone and put them out into the world
D: Just a suggestion

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D: What's your favorite color?
R: Stop asking stupid questions, ask me something logical and mature
D: How many moles of sodium bicarbonate are needed to neutralize 0.8 ml of sulphuric acid at STP?
R: …
R: My favorite color is red

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D: Wally, you have wonderful eyes
W: He's lost his mind!

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R: I just found a village, took their stuff and burned down their houses
W: What is your username?
W: Can I play Minecraft with you?
R: I don't play Minecraft

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D: Waffles are just pancakes with abs
W: Sometimes I wonder how your mind works

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D: “I’m gonna smash your face in with a bowling ball.”
D: Ahhh, family dinner

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W: Did you have to stab him?
D: You weren’t there
D: You didn’t hear what he said to me
W: What did he say?
D: “What are you going to do, stab me?”
R: That’s fair

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R: Wally is missing
R: Can you find him?
D: What, you think I have him microchipped?
R: Well, do you?
D: ...yes

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D: It's not how I typically get my information
W: How do you typically do it?
D: I find the person
D: And then I put the fear of God into them until they talk
D: But we can try it your way

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W: Dude-
D: I just had my tongue in your mouth five minutes ago. Don’t you dare call me ‘dude’

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W: I love murder mysteries!
D: I've been a suspect in at least four cases.
W: …

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D: Do you think Build-A-Bear is just a way to get kids interested in taxidermy?
W: It’s Valentine’s Day, please just accept the gift or not

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D: When crows remember people who wronged them and hold grudges, it’s ‘intelligent’ and ‘really cool’ but when I do it I’m ‘petty’ and ‘need to move on’
W: Dude, you really do need to move on

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W: Dick, you're not thinking about trespassing on government intellectual property again, are you?
W: I know that you've done it in the past, but I don't think that this warrants-
D: Too late
D:  I'm already inside

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W: Which do you think is worse?
W: Ignorance or apathy?
D: I don't know and I don't care

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W: What are board meetings like?
D: Today we had two lawyers come in for different things and they were brother and sister
D: They got into an argument and this happened after Bruce told them to stop acting like children
D: Sister: "why can't dinosaurs clap?"
D: Brother: "because their arms are too sho-"
D: Sister: "because they're all dead"
D: And it just spiraled down from there really

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D: "I am at a loss for words."
D: Despite Bruce being at a loss for words, he continued yelling for ten minutes

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D: May I sit there?
W: That's my lap
D: That doesn't answer my question, Wally

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W: You won't kill me?
D: No
W: Fabulous!
D: Unless I reconsider
W: Not fabulous!

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D: Send dudes
W: You mean nudes?
D: No, I'm planning a raid
D: I need more men

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W: They don't even have a dalmatian here
D: Would you stop with the dalmatians already?
W: I'm just saying it would be nice to see one in its natural habitat!
D: They're not indigenous to firehouses, Wally!

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W: I want to wake up with you for the rest of my life
D: I wake up at 4 am
W: …
W: Nevermind

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W: You need to react when people cry!
D: I did
D: I rolled my eyes

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