====
W: WHY are you such a dick all the time?
R: Hey! You take that back!
R: I'm absolutely nothing like him
D: >:O
====
D: Living my best life
R: Wally is drowning
D: This ain't about him
====
D: Get your act together or so help me God, you won't live to see retirement!
====
D: You weren't terrible out there tonight
W: Thank you, sir
D: Don't call me sir
W: …
W: Thank you, ma'am
====
R: Y'know, dads are like slinkies
D: Old fashioned and impossible to untangle?
W: Wish I had a good one?
D: Never available when I need it?
W: Got it as a birthday present and can't return it?
D: Springs away and never comes back?
W: What is a slinkie?
R: ...
R: Well, see, I was gonna go with "fun to push down the stairs" but now I'm having second thoughts
====
D: Look, I might not be a saint, but it's not like I killed anybody!
W: You did do that, actually
D: I'm not an arsonist
R: Well…
D: I've never found a wallet outside of an IHOP and thought about returning it but saw the owner lived out of state so just took the cash and dropped the wallet back on the ground!
W: That's really specific, which makes me think you definitely did do that
D: But are you really that much better than me?
====
W: What are you doing?
R: Babysitting
R: Dick has climbed on top of the fridge and curled into the fetal position, clutching a cup of coffee like his very life depends on it
R: Jason is screaming at the toaster in Portuguese and hitting it repeatedly with a whisk
R: Said toaster is on fire
R: Tim is wearing swim trunks
R: They are actually an old pair of mine, and had little yellow rubber duckies on them, and sitting in the kitchen sink with said sink running
R: His head is tipped back and he's staring at the ceiling while water continues to overflow onto the floor
R: And Damian is hugging a struggling Alfred the cat like a teddy bear, and standing with his face in the corner of the room
R: Unmoving
R: Just...standing there
W: …
R: So it's about nap time I'd say
====
D: *gasps* Nightwing McQueen
====
~Guest: Bruce~
B: One more time
B: WHAT happened?
W: Dick is banned from Disneyland
R: For biting one of the chipmunk mascots
W: It was either Chip or Dale
R: Pretty sure it was Dale
W: Poor Dale
D: Hey, in my defense, I thought it was someone else!
R: …
W: …
B: WHO???
====
W: Are you decent?
D: Not morally, but I'm wearing pants if that's what you're asking
====
D: Oh, look at all the pretties!
W: Can you please stop talking about assault rifles the same way you talk about shoes?
====
W: Do you know the password to Roy's computer?
W: I want to look something up
D: "Fuck you, Wally"
W: Hey!
D: No, you misunderstood
D: The password is "fuckyouwally"
W: No numbers?
W: That's not very safe
====
W: Alfred: you made them tea? We don’t have tea
W: Dick: oh, I just boiled some gatorade
====
D: If I die, donate my whole body to science
D: Except for my middle fingers
D: Give them to Roy
R: Fuck you too
W: ...I’m more concerned about the fact that Dick just said ‘if’ and not 'when’
====
D: You’re cooking?
W: Yep
D: Are you sure that’s a good idea after last time?
D: You looked really creepy without eyebrows
====
D: If I die my funeral is gonna be the biggest fucking party and you’re all invited
R: ... If??
W: Great, the only party I’ve ever been invited too and he might not even die
====
W: We need to talk about your professionalism
D: Those are some mighty brave words for someone standing in lava
====
D: Happy birthday babe, you're officially one year closer to death
W: That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me 😊💖
====
R: Is anyone going to explain what the giant inflatable dick is for?
W: We’re going to stick it to the roof of my dad's house
R: ....fair enough
====
D: “You realize that people might think you’re gay dressed like that?”
D: Well, damn, I sure hope so
D: How am I supposed to get laid if everyone thinks I’m straight?
====
D: What are you gonna do?
D: Punch me?
D: You can’t fucking punch me
D: I’m imaginary you dumb shit
====
D: Alfie took the wheels off my heelys and now I feel like an angel without wings
D: I have to walk down the halls like a peasant and I am livid
====
D: I swing both ways
D: Violently
D: With an axe
====
R: Oh c'mon I wasn't that drunk last night!
R: I drove myself home!
W: You absolutely did not.
W: I drove you home, you sat in the passenger seat with a paper plate making "vroom" noises
====
D: Are you seeing anyone?
W: Noooo, why~?
D: I just think a therapist would help with all
D: That
====
D: Why must you people turn everything fun into a kink?
D: If I want to chain someone to a wall and whip them until they bleed and cry, I should be able to do so without it being a sexual thing!
D: But NoOoO, that's "Rather kinky of you, Smiles"
D: Fuck off
====
W: Anybody under 5'7 can’t be talking about fighting anyone
W: Like, what are you gonna do?
W: Headbutt someone in the nipples?
D: Say goodbye to your kneecaps, asshole
====
D: Bruce has a photo of me in his wallet
D: He said whenever he faces an obstacle, he looks at it and the problem disappears
D: I thought it was really sweet until he said "Because what problem could possibly be bigger than you?"
====
W: If there’s gonna be a big dramatic scene, wait until I get back
D: Of course; I can’t flip this table by myself
====
YOU ARE READING
Birds of a Feather Flock Together
FanfictionD- Dick W- Wally R- Roy This book is to give a look into the average conversation of teenage superheros and average rich kid problems (Contains birdflash, swearing, major gay, etc.) If you don't like it than what are you even doing here?
