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R: You guys are back early
D: Moons haunted
R: What?
D: Moons haunted

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R: Listen kids there’s nothing “meme” about smoking
R: It’s not “Netflix and chill” to take a drug
R: Fidget spin yourself into church
W: : Ok boomer
R: WHERE?!

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D: I hate sentences 
W: Bro you just made one
D: I'm just hitting letters if you think I said something that’s on you

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R: So what my dick is huge am i bothering anyone

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D: Remember, you can disappear into the woods whenever you want
D: You’re an adult

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W: *Sees pumpkin pie in an open metal cage* oh man free pumpkin pie *i walk into the cage and it slams shut behind me*

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D: Hang mistletoe but instead of kissing you have to fight whoever’s underneath it
R: Mistlefoe
W: SOMEONE’S HALLS ARE GETTING DECKED!

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D: "How to find the right glasses for your face shape"
D: Oh, bullshit
D: You pick ones you think a hot scientist in a bad horror movie would wear and then you just go do whatever

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D: You should listen to me!
D: I came up with many plans in my life and only one of them got me killed!

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R: Would you slap Wally for 1.5 million?
D: I'd slap Wally just for fucking looking at me

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~Guest: Jason~

J: What are you a genius or something?
D: I don’t believe that intelligence can be accurately quantified
D: But I do have an IQ of 187, an eidetic memory, and I can read twenty thousand words per minute
J: …
D: Yes, I’m a genius

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W: You gotta treat bugs the same way you want to be treated
D: Killed without hesitation

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D: I have the best memory, name one time I forgot something
W: You left me in the parking lot three weeks back
D: That was a conscious decision try again

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W: Got a vibe check at Dick's
R: Great, how was it
W: I have three weeks to live

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W: Hey flat earthers!
W: If the Earth is flat, explain how my life has been going downhill constantly

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W: If you were a veggie you’d be a cutecumber
D: If you were a fruit you’d be a watermoron

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D: I can't believe the heat from the sun travelled 149.6 million kilometers just to melt my fucking chocolate bar

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R: I will probably kill Wally tonight
D: Wake me up so I can watch

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D: How is ‘pretty boy’ supposed to be an insult I’m the prettiest goddamn boy in town

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W: Why are you crying?
D: I’m just so beautiful

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W: Do you think I can fit 15 marshmallows in my mouth?
R: You’re a hazard to society
D: And a coward do 20

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D: I’m telling you, molotov cocktails work!
D: Any time I had a problem and I threw a molotov cocktail, boom
D: Right away, I had a different problem
W: He makes a good point

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W: Are you alright?
W: You didn’t sleep much last night
D: I got a solid eight minutes
D: Not consecutively, but still
D: It’s fine
D: You’re not even that blurry

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W: Can’t believe I let you talk me into this
D: I literally said "I have an idea" and you just went with it without question
D: So much convincing you took

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R: When I take off my leather jacket, there's another leather jacket underneath
D: You mean skin?
R: Absolutely horrifying thank you

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R: Why are you like this
D: I used too much “No More Tears” shampoo as a kid and I haven’t felt a single emotion since

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D: Some of you may die, but that’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make
R: We’re playing monopoly

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D:There is only room in this place for ONE unstable bitch and I’ve held that title for a very long time, so you’re going to need to get it together

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W: What was the dumbest thing you believed as a child?
D: That I was straight

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R: Why do I have to be the bad guy?
D: I don’t know
D: Why am I the pretty one?
D: We all have our thing

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W: Bruce: dick, what does y/n stand for?
W: Dick: your name
W: Bruce: ah I see
W: Bruce reading off of his phone: Bruce looked into Bruce's eyes…

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W: If you're ever being chased by a polar bear, take off an article of your clothing and leave it on the ground as you run away
W: Polar bears have really bad ADD and they'll thoroughly examine your clothes before chasing you again.
R: So in these instances it’s either get mauled to death by a bear of die of hypothermia
W: Yes
D: Would he accept Gucci or North face?

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R: When you get knocked down and you wanna pick yourself up, you have to-
D: You’re not my dad, ugly noodle head

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R: So dick are you a top or a bottom?
D: I'm a threat
W: He's a bottom

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W: Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
W: But the very next day, you said that was gay

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W: You remind me of the ocean
D: Because I'm deep and mysterious?
W: No because you’re full of salt and scare people

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W: The pineapple on pizza discourse is so ugly
W: Like, no one can win
W: We're all losers as long as we live in the reality where it's commonplace to put fruit on pizza
D: Tomato is a fruit
W: Blocked
D: You can block me but you can’t block the truth

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D: We dream of the summertime during winter
D: We yearn for the winter during summer
D: What fatal flaw has God injected the human psyche with?
D: Why must we always strive for the things furthest away from us?
W: Are you okay?
D: Man my feet are cold as FUCK

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D: *With a crow perched on my shoulder* the invitation said we could bring a plus one

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