Birds of a Feather Flock Together

7

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W: Having a body fucking sucks I should have bat wings and horns as compensation
W: It's the least I deserve
D: Well at least you can walk around a bridge without people calling you an "omen of misfortune" and "moth man"
W: I'm sorry am I supposed to be grateful i'm not cool or sexy enough for people to call me that too

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W: Normally i'm against judging people too quickly but if someone says they don't like dragons they're just not worth your time
W: Like if they honestly think giant winged lizards that breathe fire aren't the coolest thing ever then you're not missing out on anything by walking away and never speaking to them again
W: Maybe that sounds harsh but it's the truth.

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R: Nothing more valid than being a little weird looking

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D: Dress like you could pull off Hamlet in modern times any second

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D: Build your army, form powerful alliances, wage war with your enemies
D: All on tumblr.com

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R: Hands down the funniest thing I have ever heard at college was overhearing the following sentence at a conference:
R: "I asked him what his pronouns were and he said 'uh, PhD.'"
D: You will refer to me as DOCTOR and as DOCTOR alone!!!

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D: Overheard this at school the other day
D: "Isn't there a goddess out here willing to turn me into medusa so men can't look at me without immediately suffering the consequences"
D: Like I mean
D: Stop being lazy and relying on gods
D: Quick dry cement exists
D: Be your own Medusa

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D: *Looks at you with pity and contempt* tch, you don't deserve the honor of facing me in a duel

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D: What a year this week has been
W: It's Monday
D: It sure as hell is

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~Guest: Barbara~

B: So how did you guys meet dick?
W: Well all I really remember about it was seeing the color blue and than hearing
W: "I know, I know... it's not everyday you meet someone of such refinement and taste in a sewer"
W: And then I woke up at home with his number and note saying 'ring for answers ~Dick' taped to my forehead and we've basically been best friends ever since
R: Bruce gave him to Oliver to babysit and Oliver tried to pawn him off to me but I wasn't home so he left a note on my door and left dick alone inside
R: Which he had than taken as an invitation to duck tape all of the cans of soup in my apartment to the ceiling
D: Why did you have, like, a whole closet full of canned soup tho?
R: ...
W: ...

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W: MILFS VS DILFS EPIC BATTLE
R: Divorce

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D: It is slep time
D: Time to sleeping
W: How long have you been awake?
D: WAIT NO
D: NO SLEEP YET I MUST GO GOOGLE WHEN SAFETY PINS WERE INVENTED
D: It was 1849

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D: They should give football players stun batons and sniper rifles and put like tigers and ogres on the field
D: And snakes

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D: I'm a them fatale
D: My gender is a mystery but I am very sexy and dangerous

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D: Day whatever of quarantine: no brain just horny

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R: Victorian healthcare was wack but ngl I wouldn't mind rocking up to work with a note from a licensed medical professional saying that i'm dangerously stressed and should just stay in bed and eat until I calm down

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W: There is so much drama going on inside a lava lamp

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W: If a witch turned me into a frog i would of course thank her
W: If a witch turned me into a toad I would still thank her
W: I'm not picky.
D: And if she turned you into a newt?
W: I would consider it an honor and a blessing

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W: Almost had a coherent thought today
D: That was a close call!

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D: I like my coffee how I like my coffee-I like my coffee :- )

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W: I'm actually cool
W: Just give me five tries to get it right

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R: Every lesbian I know loves pirates what's with that
D: Open chested shirts and siren immunity

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D: When cishets try to look at me I just turn into a swarm of bats and fly away
D: It's called TRANSylvania for a reason

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D: Due to personal reasons I will be named an enemy of the state

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D: Love at first s(word f)ight

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D: It's always "don't be afraid to be yourself!" and "you're perfect just the way you are!"
D: Until you drive ONE bitch to madness by revealing your true eldritch form
D: Then suddenly it's all "put those extra limbs away!" and "nobody should have that many eyes!" and "it hurts to even look at you!"
D: I'm so sick of these double standards

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R: The uncanny valley between "this academic article doesn't make sense because i'm an idiot" and "this academic article doesn't make sense because the author is an idiot"

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D: Okay bitch go ahead summon the ancient horrors from another dimension
D: I'll kiss them

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R: Today I completed a chore i have been putting off for six months
R: It took 15 minutes
R: I will learn nothing from this

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W: Started from the bottom and I am currently still at the bottom

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D: Ok i've decided to become abstract
D: Next time you see me, you'll see a series of colors and have the vague sense you've just met somebody

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R: The children playing outside below my apartment are very seriously and passionately accusing each other of witchcraft
D: It's plague times baby!!

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