heart mate - the journey of love

MY PAST

Its the day before my wedding. I am in my terrace gazing at the stars. I don't know why but i feel like they always respond to me. Its like they try to explain me something. I got a call from my bestie..
Hey jaanu... It took u so long to call me!
Hey ruchi..... Sry i was busy but ya tell me how r d preparations going on. How about ur hubby??U like him?? Is he hot??
'Yaar stop it... He is nothing special.. ' i know i lied to her .
What?? Is that what u tell about ur hubby.. i mean i never expected this from u ruchi.
U know about me na jaanu.. knowing everything y do u ask me all these haan??
Stop it ruchi.. its highly time that u move on with ur thoughts. I thought atleast this marriage will bring some change in u but no.. i mean dont do this to yourself Ruchi.

Love is temporary jaanu it always gives u pain and nothing else. U know it very well right... About sushanth...
Ruchi y r u bringing this up again..
No let me complete... He was love of ur life right??
But what happened.... I am sry jaanu but unfortunately he met with an accident and err... I mean.. he....
' he died right ruchi.. ruchi sushanth died but my love for him hasn't... Do u get that?? '
I know how much u suffered jaanu. U were physically alive but mentally u were soo disturbed and it took u so long to come back from ur scary past right?? And remember ranjhu.... Her boyfriend cheated her... He had affair with another girl. And i hope u remember how hard we tried to stop her from committing suicide. I have seen it jaanu... I don't have strength to take it anymore. I am done with all these sufferings. I can't take it anymore.

Ruchi u know something... Love is eternal ruchi.
It never dies. May be the person u love is not right but ur love is always pure. The pain is not caused because of love and many mistake love with habit. Love always brings happiness. It is the habit which causes pain. My love towards Sushant will always be there ruchi.. the love i have for him makes me feel he is with me.. i never miss him. But i was mentally disturbed because he became my habit... I was used to him... He was always with me and when he was not with me his absence caused so much pain.. to come out of that habit and to accept the truth that he is not gonna come back was painful but yes as they say change is always painful no matter it is for good or bad. But now i am used to being alone. So now this became my habit. So i don't miss him any more. Remember everyone has to die some day or the other but souls...

I cut her in the middle and started yelling at her.
'Shut up jaanu. I don't believe in all such stupid things... Souls.. all nonsense... Just don't talk to me about this again' and i cut her call.

I saw a message in my phone.. i clicked it...
Sorry ruchi for hurting u... I didn't mean to do it... I just wanted u to understand yourself.. what u wish for. Ruchi stop running away from things and accept the truth. Life is all about that. Ur heart is waiting for someone to complete u.. but ur mind is not ready to accept it. U r searching for love ruchi may be u don't know that or u r not ready to accept it but yes always follow ur heart ruchi. U deserve to be happy. I want u to be happy and stop wearing that angry face. All the best for tomorrow and may ur wishes come true.. bye sweet heart.

I started gazing the stars again. I recalled everything from then till now.
I was a naughty girl... Infact very naughty. My teachers used to complaint about me to my parents.. my mom and dad. Even when mom was angry on me, my dad used to save me. We used to play together. I used to live in my dream world like how other girls used to do. Fairy tales were my favourite. Looking at my mom and dad and the way they loved each other i thought life is like this... So beautiful but little did i know that it is so mean that it takes away everything from u in just a split second. It snatched everything from me... I was in my class when i was informed that .... That my dad passed away. I went back home running not knowing what happened. I saw my  mom and brother crying their heart out. I didn't cry... I was shocked... I remember my dad's bye when he left me in the school... Then all of a sudden i mean... I didnt know how to react i just sat at the corner. Days passed and not a single word came out of my mouth. My mom and brother were scared. They came to me and said don't do this to yourself dear cry out ur pain... Dont keep it inside u.. but no not a single word i uttered. After a few days they took me to a doctor and yes after a month or so i was fine but ya it still pained a lot. I don't know the reason to my father's death not till date. I never asked my mom also. I don't know i was just scared at that time and ya after that i never gave it a thought.
We became homeless due to the debts and with great difficulty my mom made our careers out sweeping floors and working as a maid in others houses. My brother used to help her and studied hard. He is the reason y we r here now leading a normal life again. I am a software engineer and i worked in RK group of industries but i didn't like my work so i quit it.
My dream was always to build a foundation which takes care of children and old people, to shelter them and help them to lead a normal life and yes ofcourse TED talks and motivational speeches. I like to motivate others. But a person who is broken inside can never motivate others. What i thought never happened and what i wish for will never happen so this way i am always incomplete. I might look perfect outside but broken inside. This is me... The real me and no one can change this truth. After thinking about all this i finally took a deep breath.