"I'm so tired", reklamo ko nang makasakay sa back seat ng kotse. Gilbert started the car and drove away for us to get home. Pagod na pagod ako. Sumasakit ang likod at paa ko. Zeo asked for a favor like what he said. And that favor was to be his partner for a photoshoot.
Pumayag ako dahil iyon lang ang paraan para makabawi sa kanya, kahit naman pasaway ako ay hindi ko na gustong dagdagan pa ang sakit ng ulo ni Dad lalo na kapag kumalat pa ang eskandalong ginawa ko. Siguro kung nangyari ito noong panahon na nasa kolehiyo pa ako ay hahayaan ko na lang. Pero hindi na iyon ang sitwasyon at kailangan ko nang maging responsable sa mga kilos ko kahit papaano.
"Mag-take out tayo sa Jollibee". Nagustuhan ko ang kinain ko kaninang pritong manok, fries, spaghetti at sundae na ipinakain sa akin ni Zeo kanina noong break sa photoshoot. First time kong kumain ng fast food kaya nag-alangan ako noong una pero kalaunan at nadiskubre kong masarap pala.
"Jollibee, Ma'am?", gulat at pagkamangha ang bumalot sa tono nya. Annoyed, I looked at him through the rear view mirror.
"Yun ang sinabi ko, 'di ba?", I sarcastically replied. His eyes widened a bit but nodded nonetheless. Minutes after, I heard him ordered through drive-thru while I was resting my eyes. Binuksan ko ang kaliwa kong mata nang marinig ko na nakabili na sya. I asked him to hand me the fries and he did. Napakunot ang noo ko nang mapansin syang pasulyap-sulyap sa akin mula sa salamin na para bang may kamangha-mangha at kakaiba akong ginagawa. Hindi ko na lang sya pinansin.
Nakauwi kami sa bahay. Tahimik at patay ang ibang ilaw. I looked at my wrist watch. It was almost 12 midnight. Gilbert parked the car in front of the house and there was a familiar silhouette standing at the front door. I saw the man moved his hand to his ear, he was holding something and talked to someone. Just then, the light on the living room flooded and went through the window.
I eyed the man. Umaasa ako na hindi sya ang taong iniisip ko pero sa kilos at galaw parang wala akong maitatanggi. Parang tambol ang dibdib ko. Ang sakit. Bumabalik sa akin ang mga panahong hindi ako ang pinili nya. Ano'ng ginagawa nya dito?!
Huminga ako ng malalim at tumingin sa harapan. Gilbert went out of the car and he did not had the chance to open my car because someone beat him to it. It was Gino.
I could feel the familiar anger and hurt, I buried them but they were resurfacing now. The door clicked opened.
"Good evening, Ma'am", pinigilan ko ang sarili ko na magbigay ng kahit anong reaksyon kahit pa halo-halo at nagkakagulo na ang loob ko. Inilahat nya ang kanyang kamay para alalayan ako sa pagbaba. Tumaas ang kilay ko sa ginawa nya. My nose could still smell the McDonalds fries. I would like to focus on it when his scent attacked me. Halos manginig ako sa alaalang ibinibigay sa akin nito.
'We associate memories with scent. Every person has a unique scent'
I remembered a particular line from the book I've read. And yes, that was true. It was true because his scent overflowed onto me like tsunami waves. His scent was my favorite. It could never be compared to any expensive perfume I had collected.
"Ayoko nang hinahawakan ako. Nakalimutan mo na agad? At kaya kong bumaba mag-isa", sabi ko. Diretso akong nakatingin sa mga mata nyang minsan kong gusting-gustong titigan noon pero hindi ko na kayang tagalan ngayon. Umiwas agad ako ng tingin.
"I'm sorry", bulong nya. Umirap ako para pagtakpan ang kabang nararamdaman.
"Gilbert", tawag ko sa bodyguard ko. Agad syang tumalima at pumalit sa pwesto ni Gino na nagbigay-daan naman. Kinuha ni Gilbert ang bag at ilang pagkaing itinake-out namin. Without looking at Gino, I walked inside the house. I saw a maid and asked if my father was still awake. When I found out that he was, I went to his study.
"Dad", I called him. He raised his head from the book he was reading, removing his reading glasses and looked at me with a tired smile.
"Dearest Lucresia", nilapitan ko sya at hinalikan sa pisngi pagkatapos ay niyakap. Niyaya nya akong maupo sa malapit na sofa kung saan mas makakapag-usap kaming dalawa.
"I know why you are here", he started. Tamihik ako. "Hindi ko alam kung bakit sya noon umalis sa atin at matagal ang naging usapan naming dalawa ni Gino para bumalik sya. Ang totoo, ayaw nya talagang bumalik dito kahit ano'g gawin ko", natawa ang ama ko.
"Sana hindi mo na lang pinilit, Dad. I'm fine with the security team I have now. I'm fine with Gilbert. He's efficient and good", pangangatwiran ko.
"But he's not the best. They are not the best and you know I always want the best for you. Lalo na ngayon na dumadami na ang kalaban ko sa politika. They've been sending me more threats now. May bago akong isinusulong na batas para sa mga tao at mukhang mas marami akong makakalaban. But I want to make with happen".
Alam ko ang kagustuhan ni Dad na maglingkod sa bayan. Gusto nyang patunayan na hindi puro corrupt ang mga nasa posisyon ng gobyerno. Kahit alam nyang delikado ang buhay nya at buhay ng pamilya nya, hindi nya mabitawan. Matagal bago ko naintindihan ang kagustuhan nyang makatulong sa ganoong paraan dahil palagi kaming nasa kapahamakan at madalas akong mainggit noon kina Andra at iba ko pang mga kakilala dahil nagagagwa nila ang lahat ng guston nila.
"I know, Dad" ngumiti ako sa kanya. Inabot nya ang kamay ko.
"I'm so proud of you, anak. You've matured beautifully. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang nangyari sa inyo ni Gino at ayokong manghimasok sa inyong dalawa hangga't wala kang sinasabi sa akin", I could hear him teasing me. Sumimangot ako sa kanya.
"Walang nangyari sa amin, Dad at walang mangyayari",umirap ako sa kanya.
Tinawanan nya lang ako at pinisp ang kamay kong hawak nya.
"Anak kita at ramdam ko na mayroon kayong hindi pagkakaunawaan. But I need you to understand that we need him right now. I need him to protect you. It will be purely business and I told him that his job will always be his priority".
I could feel the bitterness rushing in my veins. I could taste it. My father had sacrificed many things for us. For me.
"Okay.", I said to him. I knew I did not have the luxury to be selfish right now. I couldn't think about my feelings. Or was I being selfish because deep inside, there was a part of me still hoping he would choose me this time.
