Cresia’s POV
Ilang beses kong pinag-isipan itong mabuti. Pinaulit-ulit ko ang mga senaryo sa aking utak.
“What are you talking about?”, Gino asked. Titig na titig sya sa akin at hindi ko mawari kung ano’ng emosyon ang gusto nyang iparating. Gusto kong isipin na payag sya sa aking desisyon.
“I want to run away, Gino.” I repeated what I said to him the moment he stepped on my hospital room again. Nauna akong bumalik kaysa sa kanya mula sa kwarto ni Zeo. I intended to wait for him to wake up but I changed my mind.
“Let’s run away from here”, sabi ko pa sa kanya. Nakangiti ako sa kanya habang sinasabi ito. Handa ako sa kung ano man ang magiging desisyon nya.
“Cresia…”, there was a hint of exhaustion on his voice. It also showed on his face. Kita ko ang pagod nya sa lahat ng nangyayari. Gusto kong lumayo kaming dalawa mula rito at mamuhay ng tahimik. I just want to hide and leave all of these mess. I want to be selfish.
“Ayaw mo ba?”, nakangiti pa rin ako at pinagmamasdana ang kanyang paghakbang papunta sa akin. Nang makalapit sya, humugot sya ng malalim na hininga bago ako ikinulong sa kanyang mahigpit at mainit na yakap. Ang init ng pagbuga nya ng hangin ay tumama sa gilid ng aking ulo. It was so heavy it could crush my heart.
“What made you think this way? May nangyari ba?”, Gino’s voice was so soft. Ang sakit pakinggan.
“I’m tired of everything. I just want peace”
“Did someone bother you while I’m not here? Hmmm?”, he asked. Umiling ako dahil totoo namang wala. Bigla na lang sumagi sa isipan ko kanina na ayokong manatili dito. Parang ang gulo-gulo na ng mga bagay. Nagugluhan ako sa kung ano ang dapat kong unahin.
“We can go home and rest there. You’ll have a good night sleep. We will talk in the morning. I will listen to all of your worries”, he kissed my temple. Sumikip ang dibdib ko sa mga salitang binitawan nya. I knew from that moment what he wanted and what he did not. Kung umalis man ako ay hindi siguro sya sasama.
“I want to go home”, bumitaw ako sa kanya. Noong una ay humigpit ang kanyang yakap pero mas hinigit ko pababa ang kanyang mga braso para makatakas ako sa mga iyon. Nakangiti pa rin ako sa kanya at kita ko kung paano nyang pinag-aaralan ang bawat galaw ko.
He was looking for something in me. His hand suddenly went up to my cheek. It was warm and it felt like home. I leaned on it savoring the warmth he was offering to me.
“Tell me, what really is the problem”, udyok nya. Bahagya akong napatawa. I found his eyes intensely looking at me. They were almost burning. Nakakatakot. Hindi dahil baka masunog ako kundi baka malaman nya kung ano’ng nasa isip ko ngayon. Sa pangalawang pagkakataon ay umiling ako.
“Wala nga. Gusto ko lang talagang magpahinga”, mas lalo kong nilawakan ang ngiti ko para makumbinsi nya. But nothing changed on his expression. “Dinalaw ko nga pala si Zeo sa kwarto nya noong nag-usap kayo ni Dad. Nakakalungkot dahil wala s’yang kasama doon kundi ang mga bodyguards nya”, kwento ko para mabawasan ang tension.
Tuluyan akong bumitaw sa kanya, naglakad papuntang kama at naupo sa gilid noon. I played with my hands.
Ramdam ko ang bawat nyang paghakbang papalapit. I saw his shoes facing mine, he was there standing in front of me. Gamit ang isang tuhod, ay lumuhod sya doon. Muling nagtama ang aming mga tingin. Kinabahan ako sa paraan ng pagtitig nya ngayon, wari’y mas malalim at mas madilim kaysa kanina. Hinuli nya rin ang mga kamay kong magkatag-op.
“Cresia, I’m here okay? Whatever worries you, you can tell me anything. But I think, leaving is not us. It’s not for us. It will not solve anything. We have to face all of these. Together.”
Bigla akong napaiyak sa sinabi nya. Hindi ko na napigilan ang mga luha ko. I cried in front of him. His hands then went to my face to wipe the tears.
“I want to be happy pero bakit ang hirap-hirap? I just want us to be happy, Gino”
“I know. I want that, too”, sagot nya. Ngayon ay sya naman ang nangingiti.
“I d-don’t want to lose you, Gino. Mahal na mahal k-kita”, my voice was cracking. Ang sakit sa lalamunan.
“Hindi ako mawawala sa’yo at lalong hindi ka mawawala sa akin, Cresia. I love you so much, okay?”
Tumango ako. Tumayo sya at niyakap ako nang marahan. Unlike earlier, this one was way more comforting. It was relieving. Natapos ang gabi namin ng ganoon. Nakatulog ako nang kayakap sya. The next day, I knew he would not stay. Kahit umasa ako nang kaunti na makikita ko sya dito sa tabi ko ay alam ko na.
Mahal nya ako pero hindi ako nag buong buhay niya. It was a reality I needed to accept.
I received his texts though and I replied like everything was okay.
“Are you ready, Princess?”, my Dad’s baritone voice came from the door. Napahinga ako ng malalim.
“Yes, Dad”
“Have you said your goodbyes? May oras pa naman”, sabi nya.
“It will be harder to leave if I do that. Doon na lang ako iiyak pagdating ko”, pabiro kong sagot. I joked about it but I was so sure it was the truth. I would cry for sure.
Leaving is always hard. It was always heart breaking.
Kinuha ko ang phone ko at muling binasa ang isang document sa isang folder na ilang araw ko na ring binabasa. There were pictures, too. Doon ako kumukuha ng lakas para gawin ito at tumuloy sa balak.
I couldn’t be selfish now.
Ilang saglit pa ay nakarating na kami sa lugar. Maraming tao. Marami sa kanila ay hindi ko kilala.
“Let’s sit here. Are you hungry? Do you want anything, Cresia?”, my father asked. I felt him being anxious but I just simply smiled.
“I’m good”
“Look, princess, this is just for a while. It will not take long. You’ll be back as soon as possible”
“I know. You will miss me and I will miss you, too.”
“I’m sorry. If only I can do better than this—“
“Dad, it’s okay. Para ito sa inyo. And also for Gino. Please, help him with his problems.”
“You really love that young man, huh. I talked to him to convince you into leaving. Hindi ko inaasahan na ikaw mismo ang may gusto nito”
“I just can’t let you all suffer more. If this will help you then I will do it”
Sana lang ay maintindihan ni Gino ang desisyon ko. ang sabi nya ay dapat naming harapin ito ng magkasama pero kailangan ko ring lumaban sa paraang alam ko.
My flight was then called after an hour.
Goodbye for now, Gino.
