I could hear the sound of the rain hitting the wet ground, and the leaves around. I hadn’t had any chance to really watch things like these when I was in Manila. I didn’t know they had the power to calm a person.
Binuksan ko ang salaming pintuan patungong balkonahe. Sakto lamang ang laki noon, may maliit na lamesa at dalawang upuan. Malamig ang ihip ng hangin dahil sa ulan at may ilang butil ang nakakpasok sa balkonahe na gawa ng diresyon ng hangin.
“What are you doing? You should close that door”, I heard Gino. I whirled around to see him. He looked domestic, with his white shirt and sweat pants.
“Where are your manners, Gino? Hindi ka man lang kumatok”, sa halip ay sabi ko. banayad ang pagkakasabi ko noon. Maybe the exhaustion finally caught up with me. Or maybe it was the rain.
“I thought you’re asleep, Ma’am. I was just going to check if you locked everything”. Nanliit ang mga mata ko sa sinabi nya. The light from the hallway made his silhouette much darker than it seemed. I only had a faint light from the lampshade on the table beside the bed. Madilim ang kwarto.
“Isasara ko mamaya kapag matutulog na ako. I will check twice if I locked them. I will also lock the door, mahirap na”, I crossed my arms on my chest. The cold wind still kissed my back and it seeped through my shirt. I shivered when it got stronger.
“Isara mo na ngayon, nilalamig ka na. Magkakasipon ka”, something warmed my heart at the way he spoke in Tagalog. Nagsimula syang maglakad papunta sa akin at wala akong ginawang kahit anong kilos para iwasan iyon o tumaliwas. I just stood there watching him walked closer.
Nang marating nya ang pwesto sa harapan ko, diretso lang ang tingin ko sa dibdib nya. I could smell his clean self. He had a mix of soap and musk. Without going around me, his arms stretched to reach behind me.
Ang tunog ng nagsasarang pintuan ng balkonahe ang narinig ko, ang tambol sa dibdib ko ang pabilis ng pabilis. I swallowed hard. Hindi nya inalis ang mga kamay nya mula sa pagkakasara ng pinto, hula ko’y nakatukod iyon doon dahil nasa magkabilang gilid ko pa rin ang mga braso nya.
He took a step closer until we were toe to toe. Halos maduling ako sa lapit nya, parang biglang may microscope ang mata ko dahil kitang-kita ko ang tela ng damit nya. I blinked a few times.
Yumuko sya at naramdaman ko ang hininga nya na tumatama sa gilid ng ulo ko. The screech of his hand sliding on the door was clear too.
“You smell so good””, bigla ay sambit nya. Naamoy ko ang alak sa kanyang hininga.
“You’re drunk, Gino”, pansin ko sa kanya. He looked fine earlier when I saw him at my door but I now I thought not.
“I am not, Ma’am. But your smell can make me”, he chuckled lowly, his husky voice sounded deeper.
“Lumayo ka kung ganoon. Lumabas ka na rin at matutulog na ako. You should rest, too. Baka sumakit pa ang ulo mo bukas”
“Why do you keep pushing me away, Ma’am? I am your bodyguard which means I should be the only one who can get close to you. This close”, he bent even more and tried to catch my eyes with his. Iniiwas ko ang mata ko sa kanya.
“And I want some distance from you please. This is not included in your job description. Remember? I’m your boss so you should listen when I say you stay away, bodyguard. Hindi ka dapat ganito kalapit sa boss mo”, I made my voice firm.
“Why? I could protect you more if I’m this close. And I want to be this close, Cresia”, dumaloy ang nginig sa katawan ko nang marinig ko ang pangalan kong binanggit nya. Halos hindi na ako makahinga sa muli lapit na ginawa nya. I was practically imprisoned with his body. He was a large man and he could squeeze the life out of me so easily. I looked small and I felt small from his presence. From his proximity.
“Move, Gino”, I gritted my teeth at him. Lasing sya kaya ganito. “Lasing ka kaya lumabas ka na bago…”
I caught myself on time before I could say anything else.
“Before what, Cresia?”
Umiling ako. “Lumabas ka na. I want to sleep now”
One of his hands remained at the glass door and the other one went at the side of my cheek. His skin was cold. Another shiver. He let the back of his fingers slid up and down on the smoothness of my skin. Friction slowly built up.
“You are so soft. I want to know what it would feel like sleeping beside you all cuddled up”
Lasing lang sya. Paulit-ulit ko iyong sinasabi sa isip ko kaya pinipigilan kong mag-isip o bigyan ng kahit anong ibig sabihin ag mga sinasabi nya ngayon. He was not on his right mind now because of the alcohol on his system.
“Please, Gino”, marahan ko syang itinulak pero hindi sya nagpaubaya. Bumaba ang tingin nya sa mga kamay kong nanatili sa dibdib nya.
“Your hand on me feels so good. You’re so small sometimes I’m afraid I will hurt you if I embrace you”, mula sa pisngi ko ang lumipat ang kanyang kamay sa mga kamay kong nasa didib nya. This time, his palm was warmer than before.
“I’m not Heather, Gino. Stop this now. Please. Wala akong panahon sa ganito”, I sounded bitter with Heather’s name even on my own ears.
“I will never mistake you for Heather, Cresia. Sya ba ang binanggit ko kanina? Ikaw lang ang bumabanggit sa kanya, hindi ako”, giit nya. May kaunting gigil sa mga salita.
“You’re just drunk, Gino. Stop playing. Hindi na ako natutuwa”
“I am not playing any games with you, baby. Baka ikaw? You even kiss that stupid rockstar on the lips. Kitang-kita ko. At hindi rin ako natutuwa. You run to him so desperately after the rain of bullets in the restaurant”, he brought my hand on his lips.
Our eyes met.
“I kissed a lot of guys, Gino. You know that. What’s new?”, I tugged my hand but his hold was firm.
“And I kissed no one”
Hindi ako naniwala sa sinabi nya. I rolled my eyes on him.
“That’s bullshit. Hindi ako naniniwala. You have Heather”
“No. I never kissed her. And I will never kiss her, baby. Please believe me. It already hurts knowing you hate me but please believe me when I say I never kissed anyone”, his eyes appeared to be as gentle as the calm ocean. They were deep yet calm.
“It’s hard to believe to someone who have hurt you a lot of times, Gino”, pag-amin ko. namumuo ang luha sa mata ko nang maalala ang sakit na naidulot nya.
“And I’m sorry for that”, he kissed my palm. “I’m so sorry”, his words slurred. Pain laced them.
Tuluyan na akong naiyak. Tahimik na tumulo ang luha ko. He caught them with his other hand.
“I want to kiss you, Cresia. Please. I don’t think I can stop myself anymore. Please”
He was begging. Really begging. I watched his lips.
‘’Kiss me, Gino”
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