I heard murmuring around me. My mind woke up even before I could move my body. My sense were back but I felt so weak and cold.
"Miss Cresia!", my secretary's voice echoed and hurt inside my ear. I groaned in annoyance. I saw her near me, standing and holding a glass of water.
"What happened?", I croaked. Masaki tang lalamunan ko at pakiramdam ko ang gasgas at pamamaga doon dahilan nang hirap ko sa pagsasalita. A coat fell from my body when I tried to sit up. Inabot koi yon at pinagmasdan, nagtataka kung kanino iyon. Iginala ko ang paningin at napagtantong nasa opisina pa rin ako.
"Tubig po, Ma'am", alok ng sekretarya ko. "Mataas po ang lagnat nyo. Ayos na po ba kayo?"
And like a lightning, a headache struck in me.
"Ahhh!", sigaw ko. Nahihilo na naman ako. I remembered not feeling well, and I already knew I was going to have a fever but I needed to finish work. I also remember Gino. I was arguing with him. Pero ngayon ay wala na sya---
Naputol ang iniisip ko nang narinig ko ang marahang pagbukas ng pintuan. Ni hindik ko magawang lingunin iyon dahil sa sakit. Nanghihina pa rin ang katawan ko.
"Why is she sitting now?", the sound of an angry man rang. Maya-maya pa'y naramdaman ko na ang mga kamay at dahan-dahan akong itinulak pabalik sa pagkakahiga. "Did she already eat anything?"
Nakapikit lang ako pero rinig na rinig ko ang usapan nila.
"No, Sir. Nagpabili po sya ng gamot kanina at balak yatang inumin pagkakain ngayong lunch"
"Breakfast?"
"Hindi po ako sigurado, Sir. Tawagan ko nap o ba si Sir Zeo?"
"And why would you do that?!", lumakas ang boses ng lalaki.
Mukhang mali ang nasabi ng sekretarya ko.
"Call him", utos ko. Dumilat ako at bumungad sa akin ang mukha ni Gino na mukhang iritado. He was glaring at me.
"No. No one will call him. No need to disturb anyone, I already called a doctor. He's coming here", imporma nya.
"Just call my fiancé", ulit ko pero hindi sya nagpatinag. Para syang walang narinig at mukhang hindi rin sya masuway ng aking sekretarya na nanatiling nakatayo sa gilid, lito kung sino ang susundin.
"I will after the doctor made sure you're fine. Calm down and rest. I ordered soup and meal so you can eat", inayos nya ang coat na nakapatong sa katawan ko. kapit na kapit doon ang kanyang pabango at wari ko'y maging sa akin ay dumikit na.
Hindi nagtagal ay dumating ang doktor na sinasabi nya kasunod ang mainit na sopas at pagkain. Pinalabas nya ang sekretarya ko nang magbilin ang doktor ng gamot na kailangan kong inumin. I hate drinking tablets kaya kahit nagprotesta ako na hindi naman kailangan iyon dahil normal na lagnat lang naman iyon ay walang nakinig.
"Eat this", inilapit nya ang kutsara na may lamang sabaw. I guessed it was seafood soup.
"Ayoko na. Wala namang lasa", reklamo ko.
"Your taste buds are affected by your fever so it's normal you can't taste it but you need to eat all of this, please"
My heart ached on his gesture. I stared at him when he told me that. I told him my deal but here he was torturing me with his presence and with his care. I couldn't understand him anymore. He said he couldn't love me no matter how he tried. He didn't even like me.
"What are you doing, Gino? Ilang beses tayong magpapaikot-ikot sa laro mo? Do you like this game so much and I was your favorite toy?", tanong ko. Natigilan sya doon. I watched his body stiffened at my words. "Mababaliw na ako sa kaiisip kung bakit ka ganito. Ano ba talaga ang gusto mong mangyari?"
And just like what I did earlier, he just stared at me. Emotions were drained out of his face. Mas lalong akong nasasaktan. He made me feel like he cared but when I look at him, and when he speaks about it, it's the opposite.
"I'm just doing my duty as a fellow human being, Miss Lopez. No need to give any meaning to this". Iniaro nya ang kutsara at akmang isusubo ang panibagong pagkain. He really knew how to make me feel stupid, hopeless and hoping for him.
Hinawi ko iyon ng may kalakasan, dahilan nang pagkahulog nito sa sahig. Nagkalat doon ang mga butil ng kanin.
"Fuck that reason, Gino! Hindi mo obligasyon an magpakita ng awa o nang kahit ano sa akin! sinabi ko na sa'yo na ayaw na kitang makita. Gusto ko malayo ka sa akin!", sigaw ko at tulak sa kanyang dibdib. I was still sitting at the sofa and he was on the swivel chair in front of me. Nagawa ko syang ilayo sa akin pero ang kapalit noon ay ang pagbagsak ko sa sahig. Tumama ang tuhod at kamay ko doon.
"Fuck! Calm down. Stay still"
Ayan na naman ang kanyang kamay na humahawak sa akin. Andyan na naman ang init nya na tutunaw sa akin at sag alit ko.
"Lumayo ka sabi!"
Umiiyak ako. Umiiyak na naman ako dahil sa kanya. I pushed him again but this time, he did not let me. I put up all my strength to do it but he was stronger. I scratched his arms through his clothes.
"You have to calm down, Cresia. Baka lumala ang sakit mo", he ordered but I would not heed him. Sinuntok ko sya sa dibdib, iniiwas nya ag kanyang mukha. Sa huli ay naramdaman ko ang matinding panghihina, hinigit nya ako mula sa braso at isinandal ang ulo ko sa kanyang malapad na dibdib. I was panting from exhaustion and too much emotion.
"Calm down", he whispered above my ear. His arms were now wrapped around me and it looked like he was loosely embracing me.
But why would he do that?
Hindi nya ako mahal.
"Stop playing games, Gino. Hirap na hirap na ako. napapagod na ako"
"Shhhhh...", alu niya. Bumibigat ang talukap ng aking mga mata. "Sleep, Cresia. Konti na lang. Babalik ako sa'yo. Nahihirapan na rin ako. I can't stay away no matter what I hear from other people. I'm sorry"
Parang nasa panaginip na ako pero naririnig ko pa rin si Gino. He hugged me tighter.
"Tangina. Mahal na mahal kita, Cresia. Babawiin kita".
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Payag ba kayo na bawiin sya ni Gino?
