I was staring at Gino, trying to weigh his words but they were so heavy on my chest. Daig pa ang malaking baton a gumulong mula sa bundok tapos dumagan sa akin.
“What are you saying?”, wala akong lakas para lakasan ang pagsasalita ko. When he appeared and grabbed me from my plan to eat dessert with Carl, he just pushed me inside the car and drove away. He parked in front of his house and asked me to come inside. And I did. Coco immediately jumped on my feet when he saw me. Lahat yata ng inis ko ay nawala nang makita ko si Coco. He walked into the kitchen and had Coco’s food when he came back.
Niyaya nya ako sa may likod ng bahay dahil may dapat daw kaming pag-usapan. Akala ko ay mayroon syang ipapakita sa akin kaya doon nya ako dinala pero katulad ng sabi nya, nag-usap lang kami.
“Don’t forgive me for this, Cresia”, ‘yan ang simula nya. Nakatayo lang kami habang magkaharap. Umiihip lang ang hangin.
“What are you talking about? Dahil bas a paghila mo sa akin mula doon sa restaurant? Well, I should say that was rude, Gino but if you will tell me why you did it or much better if you say you’re jealous because I’m with another guy, I will certainly forgive you”, nakangiti kong sabi sa kanya. I expected him to soften his expression or smile a bit because of my playful tone but his face did not changed anything. He remained stoic.
“May problema ba?”, nilapitan ko sya at iniangat ang kamay ko para haplusin ang kanyang mukha pero lumayo sya sa akin. Nagulat ako at napahiya sa ginawa nya kaya agad kong ibinaba ang kamay ko.
“I really thought I can teach myself to love you”, his voice was deeper than usual but it lacked any emotion I used to hear from him. Napalunok ako sa sinabi nya. I tried to shake off the feeling.
“Hindi ko maintindihan”
“But even liking you is impossible. Hindi ko alam kung paano ko nagawa na humingi sa’yo ng chance na parang teenager. That’s on me”, nabibingi ako sa pulit-ulit na pag-ugong ng sinabi nya sa akin. Ano ba’ng sinasabi nya?
“Masama ba ang pakiramdam mo? Uminom ba kayo ni Heather?”, humalo ang galit sa tono ko at muli syang nilapitan. I stood on my tip toe to reach his lips and smelled his breath. I suspected he was drunk but he was not. I couldn’t smell anything from him but his familiar cologne and manly scent.
Hinawakan nya ang magkabila kong braso para ilayo sa kanya.
“I’m not drunk. I just realized I can’t fool myself anymore. Believe me, I tried my best to like you in the least but I just can’t, Cresia”
Nangunot ang noo ko at nanlabo ang paningin.
“I can’t understand what you’re saying, Gino!”, my mind and my heart refused to understand his words.
“Call me an asshole, Cresia but it’ the truth. You already know from the very start that I never liked you even from before. Hindi mo ba naisip kung bakit biglang nagbago ang isip ko? Sa tingin mo ba ay ganoon kadaling magbago ang damdamin ko?”, umiling ako at dahan-dahang patalikod na naglakad palayo sa kanya.
“No no no no no… You’re lying. You asked for a chance, Gino. I know you are sincere that day. Tangina”, my breathing was getting heavier. Nag-unahan na ang mga luha kong kumawala mula sa nga mata ko.
He’s lying.
I heard him sigh.
“I’m not lying, Cresia. I am determined to continue this and lie all throughout but I am not that heartless. I am telling you this now”, ang tigas nyang magsalita. I bit my lip to stop myself from whimpering aloud.
“Why did you ask for a chance, Gino? You even told me you’ll make me happy? Ano ‘tong ginagawa mo? Dahil ba kay Heather?!” I hate dragging that name into this but there was nothing I could think of. Ang sikip sa dibdib. Ang hirap sa paghinga.
He did not give away anything. His eyes almost looked dead.
“I already told you, I thought I could feel something from you”
“That’s it?! Bullshit! And you think you’re less heartless because you told me this? Wow! Saan gawa ‘yang utak mo at ‘yang puso mo?! You are all bullshits!”, sigaw ko sa kanya.
“I love Heather”
Natigilan ako sa sinabi nya. Parang automatic na huminto ang luha ko. pero ilang sandal pa ay bunuhos na naman. Doon ako nabasag at nadurog. Kung masakit na kanina ang nararamdaman ko, mas doble-doble ang sakit ngayon. I had my suspicion. I knew it somewhere inside me. Pero ang sakit palang mairnig.
“W-Why?”
“I don’t need reasons. She rejected me before but she’s coming back now. She said she needs me”
Pagak akong natawa. Kahit umiiyak ako ay bahagya akong natawa. Naramdaman ko ang mabalahibong aso sa paanan ko. I looked at Coco who was at my foot looking at me. Naiyak na naman ako.
“Ang sabi mo kanina mag-uusap lang kayo tapos ngayon ganito na? Gago ka ba?”
He just shrugged like it was nothing. Like hurting me was nothing to him. I felt so low. I felt so cheap. I couldn’t find any words to say to him anymore. I felt so ashamed so I walked away from him. With blurry eyes, I picked Coco up and walked away and went inside my room. Pagkasara ng pinto ay agad akong napalupagi sa sahig. Isinandal ko ang aking likod sa pinto at umiyak habang yakap si Coco.
“Why is he doing this to me? Bakit laging ako ‘yong nasasaktan? Ayoko nito?”
Suddenly, the door knob jangled and I almost jumped from where I seated.
“I called your father. We’re going back to Manila tomorrow”, my tears were renewed. He sounded like he did not hurt me. Parang walang nangyari.
You were so heartless, Gino. This time, I really hate you.
