I looked at myself in the mirror. I looked fuckable with my messy short hair now running down to my shoulders. I colored it red. My dress fitted my body like skin, glittering under the lights. I was wearing make-up, too. I smiled at myself. Ito ako. This was the Lucresia Lopez everyone knew. The wild Cresia Lopez.
My heels clicked on the floor when I walked to my door. I grabbed my purse on my hand and went on. Pagbaba ko ng hagdan, sinalubong agad ako ng mga bodyguards ko. With a straight face, I strode past them not minding anything but what I would do tonight. I would have fun. Nagpaalam naman ako kay Dad at pumayag sya as long as kasama ko ang mga buntot ko.
Gino opened the door of the car when I reached it. Mas lalong naging matigas ang loob ko nang makita ko sya. Hindi ko alam kung paano ko nakayanang makita sya at makasama pagkatapos ng nangyari sa probinsya nila. It’s been three weeks and I should probably wallow into depression and self-pity if I did not choose the feeling I had for him right at this moment.
Hate. Loathing. And everything that co-relates with it. Galit na galit ako dahil nagmukha akong tanga. I feel so used. All the while, after that happened, I thought he would quit this job dahil ang kapal na talaga ng mukha nya para magpakita pa sa akin pagkatapos ng ginawa nya.
But who am I kidding here? Wala syang pakialam kaya bakit sya iiwas? I spent three days holing up in my room and drowning myself into tears and whiskey. Lahat ng pwedeng magpamanhid sa akin ginawa ko. I was hospitalized when my father found me in my room, unconscious. Barely breathing.
When I woke up, I found my father crying for me. It broke me to see him like that and I realized how I disregarded his feelings when I chose to destruct myself because of the love I failed to have.
“Don’t do this, anak. Please. Hindi ko kayang mawala ka sa akin, Cresia”, he was sobbing while holding my limp hand between his calloused, rough hands. The hand of the man who never let me go no matter what happens. The hand of my father who treasured me so much.
“I’m sorry, Dad”, umiyak ako nang umiyak sa kanya. Umupo sya sa gilid ng kama ko at niyakap ako. Iniiyak ko sa kanya ang lahat ng galit at sakit na nararamdaman ko. hindi man iyon nawala, nabawasan iyon ng kaunti at naisip ko ang mga pagkakamali ko.
“Ikaw na lang ang mayroon ako, Cresia. You are my princess so please, it’s heartbreaking seeing you do this to yourself. Ibibigay ko lahat, ‘wag ka lang mawala sa akin”
“I’m sorry. Sorry, sorry, sorry”, paulit-ulit akong humingi ng tawad sa kanya. I broke my father’s heart because I was heartbroken.
That was when I realized things. There were no other way for me to cope up but to take good care of my anger towards, Gino. Dad did not asked what happened and I was grateful. Ayokong balikan.
“Stay hidden when we arrive at the club. Ayoko ng istorbo”, utos ko sa mga bodyguards ko. I did not let my eyes wander off to that man.
“Hey, Cresia!”, marami ang bumati sa akin pagdating doon. May mga kakilala ko at ang iba ay hindi ako familiar pero binati ko sila. I accepted every male who offered me a drink. Nakipagsayaw ako sa lahat ng nagyaya. It was a blast.
“You are so stunning, Cresia”, a man I was not familiar with whispered close to my ear. Nasa likod ko sya at malamyos kaming nagsasayaw. Siksikan sa dance floor kaya nakadikit ang likod ko sa harap nya. I grinded against him and his hands held my hips. It even went up and down my sides but I just let him.
“I want to fuck you”, he groaned kissing my cheek. Inihaplos ko ang palad ko sa kanyang mukha nang ganoon pa rin ang position namin. We sensually danced on the music until I felt him growing behind me.
“Tame your soldier, lover boy”, my voice slurred. Marami-rami akong nainom.
“Do you want to tame it for me, babe?”, he was getting playful. He grabbed my hand and put it in front of him. ngumisi ako sa pagiging aggressive ng lalaki. But I was not Cresia Lopez for nothing. I knew how to fight back lalo na kapag hinahamon ako. I lightly stomped my heels to help me turn around and face the man. Hindi bumitaw sa bewang ko ang kamay nya.
“You want this?”, nasa gitna man kami ng maraming tao ay madilim naman kaya mas malakas ang loob ko na kusang dakmain ang pagkalalaki nya. His jeans felt rough on my hand but the heat coming from him was noticeable.
Mukhang nagulat sya sa ginawa ko pero ngumit rin ng malisyoso kalaunan. I was about to tease him more when he snatched my nape and kissed me right on the lips. I was about to respond when he was pulled away from me.
Nakaramdam ako ng pagkahilo sa biglang pagkakabitaw namin. Humawan ang mga tao nakaupo sa sahig ang lalaking kahalikan ko kanina. My bodyguards were around us. Gino’s back was in front of me.
“Did you just punched him?”, I gritted my teeth in annoyance.
Dumating ang bouncer at nakipag-areglo ang lalaking nakatulog na din ata dahil sa kalasingan. I was mad because of what happened. Agad naglaho ang maamo kong mukha na kausap kanina ng mga bouncer nang lumabas kami sa club. I was fuming mad.
‘Didn’t I tell you to stay hidded?!”, sigaw ko sa kanila. My bodyguards stood tall in front of me. Nasa likod ko ang kotse at bahagya akong naksandal doon. I looked small with them but I did not fucking care. “And you are only allowed to show yourself kapag may nagsasaksakan o nagbabarilan sa loob?! Hindi ba kayo marunong sumunod sa utos?!” I could feel my face and neck heated from anger. And alcohol.
“We are following the orders, Ma’am”, it was Gino. Tahimik ang lahat at seryoso lang. hindi ko pinansin si Gino. I just looked at my other bodyguards.
“Simpleng utos lang hindi nyo masunod! Ipinahiya nyo pa ako sa mga tao doon. Now, tha’s some professionalism”, padabog kong binuksan ang pinto ng kotse at pumasok na doon.
“Stupid! You are all stupid!”, sigaw ko pa sa kanila bago ko isara ang pinto na pinigilan naman ni Gino. Sinamaan ko sya ng tingin. He just stared at me with his dark eyes and closed the door carefully. Kabaligtaran ng ginawa kong pagbubukas.
Mahinang umuga ang sasakyan nang sumakay sya sa unahan. My phone rang. I saw Zeo’s name. May mga missed calls din sya sa akin kaya agad ko syang tinawagan pabalik.
“My dad saw your scandal tonight. He wanted to talk about the wedding again”, bungad nya.
Mahina akong napamura. Gusto kong maiyak sa sari-saring nararamdaman ko. It was all suffocating. This may sound stupid and I knew I would regret it. It was an impulsive decision but I need to do something about this other problem.
“Fine! Let’s marry. Tell him that!”, I grolwed at him. Agad kong pinatay ang cellphone. I saw Gino’s eyes darted to me from the mirror. Wala na rin namang magandang nangyayari sa buhay ko, lulubusin ko na.
Isinandal ko ang ulo ko at pumikit.
I just want these all to get done.
I’ll marry Zeo. I cried silently at the back of the car, with my eyes closed. I just hope everyone would be happy with it.
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