I felt it when the car stopped and I knew we reached home. I did not wait for anyone to open the door for me again. Agad akong lumabas sa kotse at nagmamadaling naglakad papasok sa bahay. The maid immediately opened the large wooden door for me. Ramdam ko ang pagsunod ng mga bodyguards sa likod ko.
“Cresia”, bati ng aking ama. Mula sa mga papel na nakalatag sa coffee table sa salas at lumipat ang kanyang mga mata sa akin. He had his eyeglasses on.
“Dad. You’re working late again?” I took a quick glance at the grandfather clock standing proud on the corner. It was past two in the morning. Inalis nya ang kanyang salamin at inilapag ng marahan sa lamesa. He pressed the sides of his eyes with his fingers and gestured me to come closer and sit on his side.
My bodyguards were lined up in front of us. Hagip sila ng mata ko pero hindi ko sila pinapansin.
“You’re drunk?”, he asked. His arm wrapped around my shoulder and pushed me on his side. Ito ang palagi nyang ginagawa sa akin noong bata pa ako. Iniyakap ko sa kanyang bewang ang sarili kong mga braso sa bewang nya.
“Just tipsy, Dad. Pinahiya nila ako sa mga tao kanina”, ngumuso ako at tiningala ang aking ama. I watched the crinkles on his forehead. He was definitely aging but still handsome.
“Who? Sino’ng umapi sa prinsesa ko, huh?”, he leaned down to kiss my forehead.
“My stupid bodyguards”, malakas na sabi ko. Itinuro ko ang mga lalaking nasa harapan namin. Tinaasan ako ng kilay ni Dad at sinundan ng tingin ang mga itinuro ko.
“What did they do?”, hinaplos nya ang aking buhok at bumigat ang aking mga mata.
“I was having a good time with some guy”, my father groaned and I stifle a giggle. “I was dancing with the guy and they suddenly popped out of nowhere and punched him. I told them not to show anywhere near me unless I was in danger but they caused a scene!”
My father was telling me something but I couldn’t understand it. Antok na antok na ako at gumagapang na ang pagod sa aking katawan.
“Bring her to her room”, tuluyan nang bumigay ang mata ko pero alam kong buhay ang diwa ko. Ayaw na lang talagang makisama ng katawan ko.
In a moment, I was floating in the air. Para akong idinuduyan. I heard the creak of the bedroom door, the click of the light’s switch and I felt myself landed on the soft mattress.
I groaned in annoyance. I like the feeling of being carried in someone’s arms and those arms that carried me a while ago felt strong. It has the comforting heat and his cologne smelled familiar. But my mind couldn’t give proper distinction. But my heart was telling me who it was. I bet my being was wishing he was really the one who owned those pair of arms and voice. I hoped I was not imagining things or making up things just because I badly wanted it to be him.
I wanted to lash out on him. My anger was still boiling fresh inside of me but I was so hopeless wishing for him.
The comfort of my bed hugged me, a tickling heat grasped my foot. At dahil sa gulat ay sinipa ko iyon para mawala. There was a series of curses after that.
“Stay still”, utos nito. May humawak sa paa ko at inalis ang suot kong heels. Ganoon din ang kanyang ginawa sa kabila kong paa.
“Can you get up and change your clothes?”, there was a soft whisper.
Kinapa ko ang kumot sa aking higaan at itinabon sa sarili ko hanggang ulo. I wanted to sleep. Suddenly, I heard a phone rang. It stopped but rang again. Nakailang ulit iyon kaya mas lalo akong nairita, masakit na ang ulo ko dahil sa alak pero mas lalong suamsakit dahil sa ingay.
“Can you turn that off?!” sigaw ko sa kung sino man ang nandoon. I heard that someone sigh. “She’s asleep.”, rinig kong sagot nito doon. There was a pause. “Yes. She can’t talk right now. She’s drunk”
The voice became muffled until it took a halt. Tumahimik na rin sa buong kwarto. Ilang minuto pa ay kumaluskos ang kung anong bagay sa kwarto ko. Inalis nya ang kumot na nakataklob sa ulo ko at agad na nanuot ang lamig sa aking balat.
“It’s cold”, reklamo ko. Pinigilan nya ang paghatak ko doon. Hindi ko na napigilan ang pagmulat.
And there. I saw him.
The man that I love and I hate the most. I was staring at him looking at me. My vision was not clear but I knew it was him.
He had a cloth on his hand and he gently damped it on my face. His hands were gentle. It was then when I felt my eyes crying for him again.
Kumukontra ang init ng luha ko sa lamig ng tela at ng hangin sa kwarto. Hinuli ko ang kanyang kamay na may hawak ng tela bago pa nya ulit mailayo sa akin. Doon nya ako tiningnan sa mata.
“G-Get out, Gino”, I sobbed his name.
“You’ll feel worse tomorrow when you wake up if you will not feel freshened up”
Why does he have to be acting this way? Ganito ba sya talaga kalupit? Na parang walang nangyari?
“I already feel worst, Gino. This will not kill me and make me forgot no matter how I wished to. Huwag mo namang gawin sa akin ‘to”, I grabbed tighter on his wrist. Inilapat ko iyon sa aking pisngi.
“I just want to help, Cresia. Don’t put any other meaning into this”, sagot nya.
Bakit palagi nyang ipinaparamdam sa akin na balewala talaga ako sa kanya? Na trabaho lang ito?
“I can’t help it! Dapat hindi mon a ito gawin para hindi na ako umasa. Galit ako sa’yo. Sobrang galit na galit ako sa’yo pero tanginang puso ito konting ganito mo lang umaasa na naman”
“I already told you—“
“I know…”, hikbi ko sa kanya. “Alam ko naman. Narinig ko ang sinabi mo noong nakaraan. Tandang-tanda ko. May mahal kang iba at hindi ako ‘yon. Hinding-hindi mo ako mamahalin, ‘di ba? ‘Yon ang sinabi mo?”
And there it was. The pain. The twisting inside my own heart. The burning.
“Cresia…”
“Kaya nga ako magpapakasal. I will marry Zeo and you will quit as my bodyguard. You will leave and we will not see each other again. I just can’t beg for another heartbreak anymore, Gino”, sabi ko sa kanya.
His fingertips went on the side of my eyes and caught my tears.
“Is that what you want?”, he asked. My lips were trembling.
Hinanap ko ang sarili kong repleksyon sa kanyang mga mata habang nakatitig sya.
I just couldn’t stand seeing him anymore or being near me. I might break down again and my Dad would surely cry again. I would break my Dad’s heart again.
“Y-Yes…”, it was a whisper and a plead. It was breaking me to ask him this but this hurt too much.
Ayoko nang umasa sa kanya.
“Okay”, I smiled at his answer. There was no reason for him to not agree with my idea. I was smiling bitterly. Siguro sa kabilang banda, gusto ko ding marinig sa kanya na ayaw nyang umalis pero sino nga ba’ng niloloko ko dito? It’s easy for him to leave.
“Thank you”
Wala na syang ibang sinabi ngunit nanatili ang titig nya sa akin.
That was when I decided to push myself up and gripped his nape. I pushed him down on me and kissed him.
Closed lips.
No movement made.
It was a kiss with just our lips closed and pressed together.
And it was a goodbye kiss.
Goodbye, Gino.
