It's been a year and two months since jimmy's death..and man have I learned a lot..I was stuck in the worst place, for months...the media completely chewed me up and spit me right back out, I think if Jimmy knew the affect it had on me, he wouldn't have ever done it..and I know that sounds like I'm making it all about me but that was our relationship..making decisions based on each other..worrying about each other too much and forgetting about ourselves..this completely teared me apart...Jimmy didn't know that he would be breaking everything I am by doing this...I wasn't myself for a while..and everyone knew it..I was blamed by the media for his death..saying I used Jimmy when I was lonely and threw him away when I was done...which obviously was not the case..everyone that knew me knew my heart belonged to that man..including Blake, I know how much I hurt Blake..that man has stuck with me through anything and everything...I think Blake has loved me more than anyone else ever has including Jimmy, I know its a whole circle of shit...but...I came out on the other side...I will never not miss Jimmy...never but I am done grieving, I am in an incredible place right now with Blake and Amelia...it took me a while to bounce back but my family needed me..my husband needed the woman he fell in love with..the woman he promised forever with. Amelia needs the mom Francesco knew I would always be..I know I have so much to offer her, so much I can teach her, I have gone through so much in life that it is only right I share them with her and help her to grow to be better then I was.
LANA'S POV
"oooookay! I've got the last of the stuff inside." I call as I walk back onto the patio to the backyard. "Let me help" Blake says taking the tray of buns out of my hands. "Thanks babe" I kissed his cheek. "Perfect timing Lanz! The hamburgers are all done." Charlie says standing by the grill. I smile and walk over to him "Hey! not too close to the fire now! You're gonna burn the baby!" Charlie laughs. "Uncle Chaz! that is not funny." Amelia scuffs hopping out of the pool and grabbing a towel, Charlie sticks his tongue out. "The baby is fine" I laugh. I am 23 weeks pregnant! Blake and I decided we needed one more to the family...Blake had always wanted a kid of his own...and I was never mentally ready for it but then I realized I didn't feel complete either. I never wanted Amelia to be an only even though she is already 17 she is beyond excited for a sibling. "No burning babies!" Chuck laughs. "You guys are too much, the baby and I are well aware of the fire burning." I chuckle. We all sit down at the table outside under the patio...its July 25th and about 100 degrees outside! Got to love California. I sit next to Blake and wrap my arm around his then rest my head on him "You feeling okay baby?" he asks. "Yeah I'm okay, I feel sort of nauseas, I think I'll skip eating.."
"Why don't you go lay down Lanz?" Chuck suggests. "No way! On the rare occasion Chaz comes to visit?! he is not leaving my sight!" I laugh. "Ok ok, I have a wife now I can't just free ball around like I use to!" Charlie married a super sweet girl named "Lily" she is a doctor so she doesn't get much time off hence why she isn't here to visit but she facetimes us often. They live in Florida right next to mom and dad so they are definitely happy about it. "You're right you're right..all I'm saying is I am soaking up all the time with you I can get." I smile. "Well I love this family reunion and all but I have plans with-" "Connor tonight we know" Chuck says cutting Amelia off, we all laugh. Connor is Amelia's boyfriend of a whole year now lol...they are actually pretty good together, he for once is a good influence on here..because you know she had my taste in men there for a second. Connor is a family kid..he loves his family and they love Amelia so I don't really mind them spending too much time together "Ok but curfew time is still 11:30 ok?" blake on the other hand..."dad I know...even though its SUMMER!" Amelia shouts. "And you're still 17. Summer or not." Blake says. She laughs and rolls her eyes.
I'm inside doing the dishes while Chuck, Charlie and Amelia are in the pool. Blake walks up behind me and puts his arms around me "Hey baby" I smile. "I love you, you know that?" He whispers. I laugh "I know, I love you." "You feeling ok?" "I am perfectly fine my nausea went away, I'm just a little tired, nothing out of the ordinary." "Okay good, Let me finish ok?" Blake says taking the plate out of my hand. "okay" I agree. I sit down at the kitchen table. We moved into this house a few months after jimmy's death..the other house just came with too many memories..it was mine and Francesco's house ..then it became mine and Blake's then it became the house during the time I cheated on Blake with Jimmy , then Jimmy passed. We needed a fresh start..we live in Calabasas now in a big beautiful home with a pool, hot tub and a huge garage Blake keeps his multiple cars in..I only have one, that's all a person needs in my opinion. I felt like raising this baby in a new home...one where we could make new memories and leave the past behind and we did just that.
"How long are Chuck and Charlie staying?" Blake asked finishing the dishes. "I think they leave tomorrow...they said only a weekend vacation so." "I really like having them here..it's like one big family." Blake says. "Yeah if only my mom and dad were here." "They'll come visit once the baby is born." "definitely." I agreed. We still haven't decided on what to name him..oh did I tell you it was a boy?! it is! I am beyond excited...I have always wanted a little boy....Amelia is beside herself, She didn't want a sister which is crazy to me because she sees how much I love Chuck! I think she just wants to be the only girl lol.
Chuck, Charlie and I are downstairs watching a movie, its 10:30 pm almost time for me to turn in. I never go to sleep until Amelia gets home though..even if Blake says he will stay up and wait on her, its a mom thing I guess. "Lanz I have the perfect name for lil baby" Charlie says. "What?" I reply. "Charlie!!" he says. Chuck and I laugh "No way! I am not naming him after you!" "I can't blame you...hey what about Francesco?! That would be really sweet to name him after Fran." "I don't think Blake would be too cool with that." Chuck says. "With what?!" Blake asks walking in from the kitchen. "They were just talking about names for the baby." I said. "And what did you suggest?" he asks Charlie. "Francesco in honor of him." "oh...I mean that would be kinda weird but if that's what Lana would want I would think about it." he says plopping down next to me on the couch putting his hand on my thigh. "It's not. I was actually thinking about "England" as his middle name in honor of dad depending on his first name." I smile. England is my dads middle Robert England Grant, from his dads dad. "I love that." Chuck says. "Me too" Blake agrees. "I liked Charlie...." Charlie sighs. We laugh then I toss a pillow at him.
