The Difference Between Us

{32} Suicidal

⚠ Trigger alert!⚠

There are descriptions of suicidal thoughts, homophobic words and self harm in this chapter. Please do not personalize this or use for self diagnosis. You're beautiful the way you are and there are people that love you enough to want you to live.

Enjoy.

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L O G A N

School has been the same. I was constantly repeating the same routine of going to school, whispers, fending off bullies, ignoring haters, seeing illusions, avoiding Ayo's questioning gaze, back home, going to school again.

A basketball landed on my head and I collapsed to my knees. Yes, I am in gym class, the class where it is so easy to be bullied. Laughter resounded through the halls and Don helped me up just in time to stop Ayo from attacking the person that threw the ball. As usual, it was the jocks from the football and baseball team. With Don being the captain of the soccer team, they didn't touch me but he couldn't stop them when he wasn't around. I can fight back, I am not weak, but fighting back only confirms their thoughts about me...only eggs them on.

"Aww, he isn't saying anything. You're no fun." The jocks mocked. I glared sternly at Ayo and warned him not to say or do anything, just ignore them. He clicked his tongue and crossed his arms while his nose wrinkled in annoyance. Where was the gym teacher anyway? As I was about to take a step, somebody kicked a ball between my legs and that caused me to stumble and fall. Before I did however, Don was quick to catch me and Ayo to give a menacing glare at the one who kicked the ball.

"Ayo!" I hissed. He bit his lip and clenched his fists angrily before turning away. The clique remained quiet through this as they understood my reason for keeping calm but Ayo wasn't getting it and he was getting me angry little by little.

"Aww, he doesn't want to be protected." Laughter once again. "Hey everybody, guess what?!" One look at his menacing face told me that I was over. They would reveal my secret... Everyone paid rapt attention to the juicy news. "We discovered something disgusting about the bad news." I felt Ayo tense at the name I was addressed as and I growled at him to stop him from doing anything but he didn't listen.

"Say one more word from that mouth of yours and prepare to lose it." He threatened, going towards the jock. The bigger guy smirked and crossed his arms around his chest as if teasing Ayo about his height difference but I know what Ayo is capable of. A circle formed around them as people egged them on to fight. I was loosing it, I was losing my mind. My breathing hitched and my head rumbled. Phyllis came to my side and rubbed my back comfortingly.