The Difference Between Us

{37} Ayo's story

L O G A N

Being at the hospital has been hell in so many ways:

1. My body hurts like a bitch.
2. I have to walk around with an oxygen tank and a drip stand.
3. I can only eat...drink liquid food and trust me, nutrients aren't delicious.
4. Guilt is prickling me like a cushion of pins.

I have yet to apologize for what I said to Ayo and trying to run away from it. Said guy came back from his volunteer work to hang out with me for a while before going home. He sat on the chair beside me tuning his acoustic guitar and trying out some notes. There was relative silence in the room that was broken from time to time by the guitar notes and some chords. I watched him for a while and cringed when I remembered what I said to him that day.

"Ayo?" I called out.

"Sup?" He answered absently while he tuned his A-string.

"You know..." I started not really knowing what to say but I decided to just go with the flow. "What I said that day, I really didn't mean it. I-I never thought of you that way...never! I'm sorry." Ayo stopped tuning the guitar and dropped it beside him before looking at me with an unreadable expression.

"I know." He spoke up. His brown eyes stared intensely into my green and blue eyes so I looked down to break contact.

"I'm sorry." I whispered softly.

"Why did you do it? Cut yourself I mean." He leaned back on his chair and crossed his leg over the other as he questioned me. I sighed and fiddled with my fingers as I stumbled over my words. Ayo patiently waited for me to form a reasonable word.

"I don't know." I finally let out. "I felt so empty and I needed a release. I guess it was my alternative to drugs, I...it made me feel..."

"...numb." Ayo and I completed together. I met his knowing gaze and chuckled slightly while crossing my arms. "You sound like you know it." He shrugged.

"You know you'd have start seeing a shrink, don't you?"

"Yeah...rehab." I sighed.

"It's not so bad once you get used to it." My friend commented.

"You sound like you know how it feels." Ayo's lips quirked and he leaned forward.

"You've never seen what is underneath my shirt, do you?" He asked and I shook my head suspiciously. "Welp, I guess I have to tell you my back history." Ayo started rolling his sleeves and my eyes widened at what was on his arms...scars of... "Self infliction."

He completed my unspoken words. I frowned. He is always happy go lucky so it is normal that I didn't expect him to have a trauma that led him to cut himself. Shelia used to say then that he must have had a traumatic experience but nobody was really sure, now I know.

"Why?" I breathed.

"Just lie back and listen, this would take a while." I hesitantly lied down and Ayo pulled the covers over my torso, after which he started his story.

-

Danna tucked a seven year old Ayo in bed and went downstairs to wait for her husband, Matthew, who was running late from work. Some moments later, Ayo came downstairs saying that he was thirsty so Danna gave him a drink of warm milk. When the duo were about to go upstairs to Ayo's room, they heard the click of the front door.