Heaven

Chapter 32

It's been a few weeks since the ultrasound and now Earth has been hit with a pandemic. I've been looking at Blaire and Shelby a lot more lately, and so I miss them more than ever. They're never far from my mind, but of course, I don't always think about them. I mean, I'm pregnant with Finn's kids, again, this time triple the amount I was expecting.

When the kids have a day, it equals to only about an hour up here. They grow up so fast, and it's Blaire's birthday tomorrow. She's turning sixteen, with Kurt, Blaine, Santana, and Brittany as her parents. I refused to let only one couple get custody of the kids in the event of both Jesse and I dying. Since the four of them already lived together, they're the designated guardians.

"Hey, babe. You okay?" Finn asks me, giving me a hug from behind. They're incredibly comforting, especially when you're pregnant, dead, and watching your kids live life without you. This sounds like the makings of a mental breakdown.

"No. But Mercury is in retrograde, there's a pandemic, I'm experiencing pregnancy mood swings and cravings, my kids don't even have their biological parents to take care of them, the gays are all stuck in that house together, and tomorrow's Blaire's sixteenth birthday. I missed almost a decade of her life already, Finn! I missed nine years of my kids lives. They watched me die! They watched me have a heart attack in the middle of a taco place and didn't know what to do, so they had to watch their mother die!" I sob into his shirt, turning around. "Oh, and then, to add to a crappy childhood, they had to deal with Jesse abusing them for six months."

"Hey, hey, hey, you couldn't control any of these things. Rach, you're a great mother and you're going to be an even better one to our kids, alright? Even if they come out green, you'll be an amazing mother. I mean it. Look at the girls you raised. They're only able to survive because you taught them well. And Santana kicking Jesse's ass, but that's a different thing entirely. They have little pieces of you in them. Take Shelby. She's a quiet kid, still, but she's a rock for her friends and can sing almost as well as you can. Blaire has her outgoing nature from you, along with dance moves. She struggles with her mental health a little more than her sister, but that's because she was older and remembers more. She didn't let that stop her, and now she's a mix of you and Santana, which is terrifying," Finn reminds me, pulling me into him closer and kissing the top of my head comfortingly.

"I don't know anymore, Finn. They're so much different than when they were little kids, and I've missed out on so much," I continue sobbing.

"What's Mercury's retrograde have to do with anything?" Finn asks, confused, as I continue sobbing. When I chuckle, he smiles, "I got you to smile. But seriously, what is it?"

"It means that I'm all over the place emotionally and the world is turning upside down right now. You need to start reading your horoscope."

After I have my breakdown, we decide to just rewatch Grey's Anatomy on Netflix again.

🥠🥠🥠🥠🥠🥠🥠🥠🥠🥠🥠🥠🥠🥠🥠🥠🥠🥠🥠🥠🥠

Sorry for such a long break, it took me forever to get anything to save in drafts and then my WiFi wasn't working, it was a disaster.

Later loves,

~Ry