Forget Me

Chapter Seven

Korn didn't think clarity was supposed to offer up more conflict. He thought he was better equipped to handle his thoughts and feelings now that he had an idea of what was holding him back. But it just left him feeling even more adrift and uncertain.

Was it possible not to know what was going on in his head?

Everything was so mixed up and he wanted it to just stop. It felt like a merry-go-round, spinning him around in circles until he was dizzy. He needed to get off, before he barfed his brains out. Korn had no solution; no idea what to do about it. For the first time in a long time, he felt an acute loneliness.

There were only three people he felt he could talk to about this, and all of them were out of reach.

The first was very clearly out of bounds since there was no way he would talk to Mew about his feelings for him.

The second was P'Kavitra. His sister was away; working on yet another degree in University. While he was proud of her achievements, he hated that he just wanted his big sister around to give him her snarky yet worthwhile advice.

The last option was Knock.

Once the door to the past had been reopened, Korn had a hard time closing it again. The memory of his best friend and how well they had got along made him wish desperately for that kind of understanding again. It has been a long time since he had longed for the other boy but there was something honest about the way they had been together. It was real and it was easy.

Everything was so complicated now.

With none of them available, Korn found himself with nobody to talk to. It was driving him crazy. Because no matter what he wanted to think or believe or imagine...it was increasingly obvious that what he felt for Mew wasn't just friendship. That changed everything.

It had taken him days of ruminating on this one issue before he felt equal to even meeting up with his study buddy. When he finally did, Mew didn't say anything at first but the silence was too pregnant with the unspoken.

"Are you okay?"

He cleared his throat but his voice was still hoarse and soft when he said quite ineloquently offered, "Yeah...uhm...I'm...kinda..."

"You want to get out of here?"

"Hmm...?"

The library wasn't conducive to a private conversation what with the number of people actively trying to eavesdrop on them so Korn nodded. He followed Mew shortly after as they made their way into the late afternoon sun.

"Is there anywhere you want to go?"

"Is your house empty?"

Mew hesitated just long enough for Korn to wonder about his reluctance but the other boy nodded and they started walking in that direction.

"Do you think we'll get this assignment finished before they give us another one?"

"What?" Mew asked confused by the question, "Ooh...uhm...sure."

Again Korn nodded and they lapsed into silence. The walk had never taken so long. Every few feet one of them would open their mouth to speak only to go silent again. Sending sly glances at each other only to look away – sometimes not in time to avoid their eyes meeting and the many questions from wanting desperately to erupt from their hearts. It felt like walking on coals. Until they got to Mew's house.

They had only just made it past the threshold when Korn erupted, "I think I'm going to lose my mind."

"What? Why? I thought everything was alright?" Mew asked only partly surprised by Korn's ejaculation.