Ikaw ang Paksa

I was happier with you

       "We ended before we even started", that is what happened to us. At first, I dislike you. I cannot see your efforts and it did not catch my attention. I hate the way you keep on following me. Your voice annoys me especially when you call my name just to say " hi", then follow me anywhere I go while you keep on telling silly jokes just to make me smile until you get tired and then leave. And that became your daily routine for one year. The day came and it is our graduation. We separated. But it did not give you the reason to stop. For almost two years, you keep asking my friends about me. 

     

Until one day I'm devastated, sad, crying and it seems like the whole world is my greatest enemy. You texted me, "How are you?"  I smiled, then replied "I'm fine". You replied " Are you sure? Because I know you are not". It made me feel so great, maybe because it felt like there is still someone who cares for me? Like, it's been three years since you started to care and afterall, I did not even bother myself to notice all of your efforts to see me everyday just to say "hi".

Now that you are back, you comfort me, texting me " hi" with my name and silly jokes because you want me to smile. Goodmorning and goodnight messages, sweet words which is always making me blush. All those memories in the past came back. The days that you annoyed me, the days that you followed me, the days that I'm not even minding your presence, the days with you. And you did it again, but now, I appreciate it all. I appreciate the love, efforts, time and your care for me like no other. I found an unconditional happiness. I found my happiness in you. And then I realized, all of it suddenly changed. Your voice that annoys me on the past three years suddenly became my favourite. Your voice became my favorite sound that I wanted to hear everyday

Your simple text messages always makes my whole day complete. Your "Hi" making me smile. I feel comfortable with you. Sending me a voice record of yours, singing my favorite songs while playing a guitar when I'm sad. It feels like my ears have memorized every sound of your voice. It made me laugh how frustrated you are just because you think that your voice sounds like a frog.  When you sent me a picture of a guy playing a guitar  with a girl listening beside him, then you wrote a caption like "Someday I will travel with you". Also when I sent a picture of a boy carrying his girl, you replied, "Someday that will be like us", I replied, " How are you going to carry me like that? You just told me that I'm fat" and what you replied next made my heart melt, "It's okay with me! I'm carrying my strength!"

We were both dreaming about us traveling together and that dream became my inspiration to study hard because I want to make it happen. Just thinking of us together made me happier. Then I decided to text you back some sweet words as if falling inlove  is just a game. That time I knew you are serious  but for you, you're always thinking that I'm joking. But like what you're always telling me, everything changes. We decided to stop. There are many  'what ifs' about us. We are not certain on what will happen next. We started with jokes, you thought that my feelings for you was a joke. And now that you have changed, I became devastated once again. You mean the world to me and that made me lose myself. 

Your sweet words became cold. The last time that I  heard your voice was when I'm with my friends and we went to your school for family day. The time that we are just steps away from each other, you, strumming a guitar while me, not knowing what to do. Asking myself 'Should I just feel this moment? This moment that I think will be the last? Or should I just walk away because I'm hurting inside?' That time I can see it on your eyes, it is also hard for you because we feel the same. And then you sang, my favorite song. It hurts so bad that you did it. You did what you want. You wanted to sing infront of me in person but this time we are more likely strangers with some memories. I want you so bad to comeback. It is painful for me to say goodbye even if I do not want you to go, but it is more painful for me to ask you to stay even when I know you wanted to leave. You made me feel happy in a very simple way, my feelings for you is never a joke. You are my strength when I was weak. You are my moon, my day will never be complete without you because you are a thousand times enough. But truth be told, there is no 'us' in this world. It is just that, our worlds are almost touching but it will remain that way, it will just be almost.

When your love faded, mine still remains. Believe me I'm not fooling around. Maybe we are not meant to be together and yes, I have to accept the fact that we already parted our ways. And just because we did not last, does not mean that it was not worth it. Because for me, you will always be worth it. This feelings still remain and sorry but i cannot really let it go, maybe because I'm still hoping that someday you will comeback like what you did. And I feel sad because I lost you, I lost my first love and I just lost my happiness. And it is not your fault that I'm hurting, it is mine for thinking that you would not. I did not expect that you will be this special to me, you made me realize that not everyone will stay because people change. And now that you have changed. I want to ask you. Why did you leave me? Did I hurt you for you to change? You told me that you just want me to be happy right? So please comeback, because I knew then, I fell inlove  and I was happier with you.

-The story behind those poetries-