what matters // levi x reader

Chapter 36

[ Levi's POV ]

'I tried to remember about you but I just can't. I don't know what we shared or our memories..'

I couldn't shake those words out of my head. She was trying so hard to remember, and she couldn't help but feel guilty about not being able to.

Two weeks had passed. She had started to remember certain moments of her life, but most importantly, people. Isaac and Ed, Erwin, even four-eyes.

Why not me? I should've been the first goddamn one!

I rested my chin on the top of my palm and sighed.

We had gone Maneuver Gear training the other day, and to our surprise, she already knew how to use her gear. Perfectly.

[ Flashback ]

"It just feels right! I feel like I've been using these for years." she said while moving her blades around proudly.

"It's because you have (y/n)! You are a pro! You train cadets and soldiers as well! That's how good you are." Hange laughed, patting (y/n)'s back. "The great Captain (y/n)."

A wide smile formed on (y/n)'s lips from the excitement.

[ End of Flashback ]

Maybe I deserve it. For not listening to her that day.

Suddenly, a gentle knock on my door made me grunt in annoyance.

"Come in."

"Hey!" (y/n) walked in with a tray. "You've been in your office all day doing paperwork and I thought that some tea would lighten up your mood."

Placing the tray on top of my desk, she sat down across from me.

"Yeah, thanks."

She simply smiled.

Considerate as always. Caring, as always. But I was never grateful.

"Anything new?" I asked, taking a quick sip from my cup.

"Erwin said that I'll be able to work again soon! Isn't that great?"

We hadn't seen titans in a while, so I wasn't worried of her being near one. For now, at least. I guess returning to her old lifestyle would be good for her.

"It is."

We remained silent for a while. I had to break that silence though, as I couldn't keep all those questions to myself anymore.

"Why not me?"

"Huh?"

"You've remembered everyone else except from me. Don't you remember even the slightest thing? Don't you feel anything?" I said, a hint of frustration being clear in my voice.

Looking at me shocked, she tried to think of the right things to say.

"I.. um.." she looked at her hands as she opened and closed them. "It's not that I don't want to remember, of course. It's just that everytime I try to remember things about you, I get huge headaches. And then my mind turns blank for some seconds. I wish I knew why this happens. Why I remember everything and everyone else except from.." she looked back at me. "You."

You.

I just nodded. It was hard, knowing that the person you love doesn't even know who you are or what you two shared.

"I'm sorry-"

"Would you stop apologizing brat?" I looked back at her and pinched her cheek. "It's not your fault."

She smiled.

"Your touch. It's calming." she said, resting her hand on mine as she leaned her head further into it. "Does that count as feeling familiar with you?"

I wanted to bring her closer to me, hug her, kiss her. Assure her that everything was going to be alright. But I just couldn't. Instead, I took her hand and held it tightly.

"I want to take you somewhere tomorrow. Would you like to come?"

"Of course." she smiled warmly at me as her eyes melted on mine. "Where?"

"It's a place you've always wanted to see."

"I wish I knew what you're talking about." she chuckled, a faint smile appearing on my lips as well.

"You'll see."