what matters // levi x reader

Chapter 31

[ Levi's POV ]

The pain I feel is so unmanageable that the idea of spending another day with it seems impossible. I keep thinking the same thing over and over again.

Is she going to wake up? How long is it going to take? What am I going to do if she doesn't?

I had spent the night at the medical room with her, though, I was later on asked to leave.

The next morning I made my way to Erwin's office, with the feeling that I needed to talk to someone. I knocked multiple times but nobody answered.

"If you are looking for Commander, he said that he was going to visit Captain at the medical room." a soldier saluted and I simply nodded.

What if they tell me something bad happened? What if that's why Erwin is there?

I decided to brush the negative thoughts off my head so I simply entered.

"Oh, Levi. Goodmorning." he was sitting next to (y/n)'s bed. "How are you feeling?"

"Like shit."

A saddened smile formed on his lips.

"How did it happen?" he reluctantly asked, looking back at (y/n).

I didn't want to answer, but he would ask me again sooner or later.

As I spoke to him, the horrific images ran through my mind over and over again, as if I was reliving the whole story. I rested my hand on top of my chest and gripped my shirt roughly as I felt my breathing become quicker by each second. Not wanting to seem weak, or rather, pathetic, I just sighed deeply and tried to calm myself down.

"I see.. some guts she has. Talk about bravery.." he said, taking a hold of her hand.

"No, Erwin. You should've seen her eyes. She was terrified!"

My back collided with the wall before I sat on the ground, covering my eyes with my palms.

"It's hard for me too, you know.. seeing her like this." he silently spoke, rubbing his thumb on her knuckles.

Before he left, he put a hand on my shoulder and assured me that everything was going to be alright.

I closed my eyes and tried my best to relax, but the silence in the room was driving me insane.

However, I heard running and shouting not long after. The door burst open, revealing a sweaty Isaac and an irritated Ed.

"(y/n)?!" Isaac asked, his voice trembling.

As soon as they saw her, their eyes widened.

"Why the hell didn't anyone inform us?!" Ed shouted.

"Keep your voice down Ed." I grunted. "This isn't a goddamn playground."

"You.."

He came closer to me and grabbed me by the collar of my shirt, forcing me to stand up before pushing me further back.

"It's your damn fault! She told you to sit your ass down and not fight! You are the reason why she is nearly lifeless over there!"

"Ed stop! Don't talk to Captain Levi like that!" Isaac stressed as he grabbed Ed by the shoulders. "It's not his fault!"

"You think I don't fucking know?" I shouted back.

He released me and took some steps back, Isaac forcing himself between us. Soon after, Hange came running through the door. She put her hands on her knees, trying to catch her breath.

"You think I don't blame myself for what happened? You think I can handle seeing her like this every goddamn day? It's a heaviness I can't escape." I said, brushing my fingers through my hair.

He studied my face for a moment before turning his back on me.

"Hange.. how is she doing?" he asked, looking at Hange with eyes full of anger.

"She is doing alright now.. we don't know what the future holds for her."

He took a hold of her hand and kneeled down next to her as Isaac rubbed her head tenderly.

"Or if she even has one." he spat back.

The two boys soon left the room with their hearts full of anguish.

"Levi-"

"I can't stop remembering her last smile Hange. The way she looked at me. I want to rip my heart out of my chest, it hurts so much."

Hange embraced me, something that I normally wouldn't allow, but I couldn't even get bothered anymore.

"Maybe if I hadn't made those choices. The terrible ones that didn't look so terrible at the time. Maybe she would still be here."

Just maybe..