Darkside

Fifteen

"Get off me." He isn't even on me. "Leave me alone, Orson. I need you gone."

I slam against his rock hard chest, unable to make my escape. His arms envelop me, but only for a second. The next moment, I'm free, and able to breathe once more.

"I have to go. I'm sorry. You can't understand. I'm sorry."

"Phoenix, I'm not leaving you," Orson continues firmly. "It isn't happening. No way. Not until you are safe and with someone. If that isn't me, if you don't want to be with me, that's fine, I get it. But I won't leave until you aren't alone anymore. I'm worried about you, surely you can understand that. So, if it's your father you want then I will take you to him."

I sob harder. That's my only answer.

"Okay, then take a seat. Talk to me. You don't even need to tell me anything, but talk."

My voice box shuts down. I have no words. I fall down sitting though.

"Good, now just stay with me. Tell me who you have, who you want to see."

"No one. A person like me has no one."

I don't exist, how can I have anyone? Sure, there are girls I work with, but they aren't the sort of friends I can go to with this. No one should ever go to their friends with something like this.

"You have me." Orson's soft-spoken voice hurts my chest. "You will always have me for as long as you want me. I know you don't want me right now, but...well, you aren't alone."

My lungs squeeze tight, I can't get enough air in however hard I try.

"Don't panic, Phoenix, please don't panic. If you hyperventilate, I might need an ambulance."

"Can't...afford it..."

Much as that's true. Hospitals and doctors are a no-go for me for financial reasons, but also because I can't give my real name either.

"I will help you. I don't have much, Phoenix, but I'll do what I can. My money doesn't mean anything if I can't put it to good use. If it helps you..."

"No way..." I press my hand to his chest, trying to shove him away again. "Not worth it. I'm not worth it."

"You keep trying to say this to me, but I don't see you that way..."

I need to scream, I'd love to yell and let this frustration out, but I can't I don't have the strength. No fight left in me.

"No good...no good...trust me."

"Let me hold you then. If that's all I can do right now, I'm here so let me just hold you. No more questions, no more probing, I'll just be here."

I need that so badly it hurts. Just someone to lean on, someone to make this world a better place. Orson is that, and I want him to stay that, can't he see how much I desire everything he is offering to me? There's a reason I won't. Many reasons.

I'm Phoenix, the girl who doesn't exist.

I'm scared someone knows who I am, someone is after me.

I fear more violence. I'll always fear it. No one can break down that wall.

I don't deserve this comfort. I need him gone.

"Leave me." I shove Orson off. "This changes nothing. I have to go."

He can't stop me. No one can stop me from running...again.

The cool air washes over my skin, it rushes over me hard and fast as I tear off. I've left my bag behind in my haste which means I can't really go anywhere, but I have to run regardless. Running is what I do best...although I'm not sure I'm doing the best job.

Wetnesscovers my cheeks, it could be rain or tears, who the hell cares? I'm surepeople must be staring but I don't feel anything. Nothing but the torturewithin me.