Darkside

Forty

Red.

More red.

Why is my life filled with so much red?

This time the red isn't trickling because of me, it's coming from my father. I haven't heard him in a while so I don't know what the redness means.

The word 'scared' doesn't even begin to cover me. I've felt fear before but this is on another level. I always feel too strongly which I guess is what got me here, probably what put my mom in the ground as well. This family feels too much. Doesn't help me when I need to be rational.

Cold, calculated. I must have that somewhere.

"Wake up, bitch. Wake up and answer my questions. Why did you do this, Luvvie, huh?" Her feet are far too close to my head. "Come on, you can talk honestly to me. I've seen it all. I know what you guys talked about. I know it got steamy and he fed you love. Just a shame he didn't see the red flags. He couldn't recognize how desperate to be loved you really are..."

The red isn't the only thing wetting my face.

"It's obvious to me, but I've always been a million times smarter than that idiot. Just too dumb to get rid of him, I guess. But now I don't need to 'cuz you took care of that."

Her breath tickles my cheeks. Alisha must be flat on the ground. I can't keep this up much longer. She already knows anyway.

"You never know, Luvvie, maybe I'm here to thank you. I might be up in your father's house acting all crazy, but if you give up this shit and open your eyes, you might see me wanting to be your friend. You saved me from a crappy marriage. We can have fun. Okay, I might've been a bit shit spilling your dad's secret like that, but you deserve to know. No one should go through life not knowing where their mom is."

She isn't getting to me, I can see lies now. I can.

"I grew up in foster care, so it took me years to learn about my parents."

She wants to suck me in, but never again. I can't, I won't.

"So, I know how much it messes you up. Me and you...we can have a friendship here. You just need to open your eyes so we can talk about this."

One thing I know for sure, when my eyes finally open, there won't be any talking.

"Come on, Luvvie, just talk to me." Her whining makes her sound like a bratty child. "I came here for you. I've done all of this for you alone. This isn't anything to do with me, or Cash either. It's you. You're the key to everything and I just want your eyes open."

The kindness in her tone is completely negated by the blinding pain striking my head.

"Argh!" The kick did the trick. I wasn't expecting it so now I'm up. "Fucking hell, Alisha, what are you doing to me? What the hell was that for?"

"I knew you weren't sleeping." She's satisfied with herself. I hate her. "I knew you weren't still passed out. Stop trying to fool me, Luvvie. Let's just talk."

"It's Phoenix."

No, actually it shouldn't be Phoenix. She killed too. Orson is no more because of her.

"Actually, it's Lola. Lola-Rose."

"Lola-Rose? Are you crazy? Changing your name? What will that achieve?"

I give her nothing by a sly knowing smile.

"Is that how you do your online stuff? You change your name, act like someone else? Isn't that dumb?"

"Maybe you should try it sometime. You might even like it..."

"Okay, whatever. Clearly you're crazy, Lola...whatever your name is." Her eyes roll to the back of her head. "Let's talk, shall we? Let's have a real conversation now. Woman-to-woman. Let's get everything out there now at last."

I blink a few times, trying my hardest to regain my vision, but I'm still seeing bright white spots. Bitch, why did she have to do that?

"Sure, talk. I can do that. Let's talk."

My father says nothing. He remains dead still in his chair, the redness flowing from him. I can't focus on that though, it's dangerous. Looking at Dad will distract me from my mission. I'll fix him later, all will be fine.

"Here? Or you want to go somewhere we can both sit?"

This might be a mind game, but I nod anyway.

"Sure, follow me."

The dining room, that'll do. We can both take a seat at the table and do...well, whatever this is. Plus, I know where everything is in this room and I presume she knows nothing. Although I don't know how long she's been here, leeching off my dad, sucking the stories from him.

"So, what d'ya want to talk about?" I knot my hands together. "Cash, I assume."

"Ah, Cash Miller, that wonderful husband of mine. What a delight, huh? What a delightful, wonderful man. A real gentleman, wouldn't you say?" I'm not saying anything. "What a sweet, kind-hearted man who wouldn't ever hurt a fly...supposedly."

She tosses her head back and laughs like a madwoman. I don't know what she's getting at here. I can't work her out one bit.

"He hurt me though, and you as well. Emotionally, yes, I'm not saying the whole mess didn't affect you, but physically as well. I can't be the only woman that happened to..."

"I...I..." Mechanical. I can't forget that. "He didn't hurt me physically as much as I did him."

"No, of course not. You killed him. Luvvie. God, you do crack me up." The laughter hurts my ears. "But he did hurt you. Probably in a way which made it feel like your fault, or that you were overreacting for even considering it painful, but believe me, I get it. I understand. If anyone in this world can understand it's me..."

"So, why are we here?" I can't beat around the bush. She might want to play mind games, but it isn't for me. "It's not just to talk, is it?"

"Well, it might as well be now." One of her shoulder shrugs. "We're even now, aren't we?"

"Even? What do you mean 'even'?"

"You killed someone I love, I did the same to you."

"D...Dad?" Oh my God. "Dad, you killed my dad?"

"He's a murderer as well. The world is better off without him. Why you all worried?"

"But...my father...my answers. I won't be able to get any of it."

Hot water burns behind my eyes. My father's the last person who I have left on the planet and now he's gone. I wanted to know as well, I wanted to hear things from him, and now Alisha has taken that chance away from me.

I'm empty, gutted, hollow.

Red.

So much red.

It's always red.

I can't continue on like this. She isn't going to win.

"So, now you killed my husband," Alisha continues as if she can't see my inner-turmoil. "And I took out your dad. I didn't do the deed myself, I made him do it to save you, which may or may not work, I haven't decided yet. So, we're even. We can talk."

Oh, hell no.

She made my father kill himself.

Red.

So much red.