Darkside

Thirty-Five

Someone's following me.

Eyes creep up my back, over my neck, down my arms.

Goosebumps pop everywhere.

Speed up. I need to go faster. I need to get out of here quicker. Move. Keep moving.

I left Orson behind. I promised not to leave him but I did. I had to though, I'm sure he understands. One day, he'll get it. One day.

He isn't like Cash. He won't want me dead.

Orson sold me a dream and tried to give me that dream. Just because it didn't work out, doesn't mean he didn't try. He tried so hard, he followed me around and gave me what I needed. It wasn't his fault it wasn't enough.

Cash did nothing for me.

Nothing.

I want my dad now. I want him more than I ever have before.

Actually, I want my mom.

A girl needs her mother, she shouldn't have to grow up without her. That's why all of this happened. If she'd been around to show me the way, then I wouldn't have fallen for Cash, I wouldn't have gotten mixed up with Orson, I would've lived a normal life.

I ache for normality.

Luvvie Thompson: Mother, Wife, Career-Woman, Friend, Lover, Girlfriend, Creative...I just don't know who I would've ended up. I wish I could've found out.

Luvvie Thompson: Missing, Presumed Dead. Fugitive, on the run. That's not who I ever should've been.

"Daddy will help me," I whisper hoarsely. I need something to keep me going. "Daddy will have the answers. He might not have come through before, but today he will."

He has to, there isn't any other option.

"I can't wait to see Daddy. Can't wait to hug him. Can't wait for this to be over."

Phoenix was a mask, a shell I needed to live in for a while, but I'm shedding her now. I don't need her anymore. She isn't a solution.

No one can run off and disappear. It isn't possible. A human can't just vanish off the face of the planet. Not when they're leaving such a mess behind.

And I left a mess.

Blood.

Bodies.

Death.

So much death.

I tried to die too. I gouged my arm and left enough blood for a body, but it wasn't enough. I took too much with me, I left too much behind, I tried to straddle both lives. I thought I left Luvvie for good, but that didn't happen. I carried her with me always.

Her and her mistakes.

Her and Darkside.

Once Darkside sucks you in, it doesn't spit you out until you're ruined.

I'm ruined now. Rock bottom. There's nowhere else to go but up.

Right?