Darkside

Six

"Don't go, Luvvie." I twist over onto my left-hand side, my eyes still pinned shut leaving me in the dream, the memory really. "Keep away. Don't follow that map. It only leads to trouble, to the end of your life..."

A time machine would be handy. Then I could really tell myself to avoid him, not that Luvvie was easy to get through to. Logic told her meeting a stranger off of Darkside couldn't end well, but she didn't care. She was in love with Cash, he was the first man to make her feel that way.

Luvvie was living in a love story. She didn't want it to end.

Certainly not like it did.

Hands, holding tight. Air, hard to grab, leaving lungs, turning blue.

The end. The end is coming. The end for Luvvie.

Missing: presumed dead.

My hands fly to my throat, almost as if my air is restricted now. The dreams are blending too closely with reality which can't be a good sign.

It's definitely this room messing with my head.

"Fuck, get out of here, Phoenix." I'm gasping, panting, scrambling for air. "This isn't good for you. Not at all."

Strangely, I'm kinda used to the bed in room seventeen now. It's the closest thing to a home I've had in ages. I don't want to leave, but I have no choice.

"You don't have that luxury, remember. You can't be found."

I can't remember the last time I moved, it feels like it's been forever. I've just about managed to starve off the hangover and ice-cold shame though, which means it's finally time to leave my safe, yet uncomfortable, haven. I can't stay here forever.

***

"Don't go." Orson blushes brightly, barely meeting my eyes over the other side of the reception desk And I thought I hadn't moved in a long time, he might as well live there! "I know you have somewhere to be, but I was kinda hoping I could take you out on a date. A real one."

"A date?" I hurt Orson. I can see by the way his face falls. But it's hard to control the tone of my voice when I'm so shocked. "I don't date."

"Oh. I see." He can't meet my eyes. "You don't date. So, how do you meet someone?"

The flashbacks hit me hard and fast. The one and only person I did meet, the one person I shouldn't have met, the one with the hands...

"I don't meet people. Like your friend said, I'm a vagrant. I'm too busy moving about."

"Don't worry about what Archie says. He's an asshole. It looks to me like you just have an alternative lifestyle. Nothing wrong with that. Who says we all have to follow the tradition route. High school, which is awful, college, even worse, working...well, I work here, so that's bullshit." His laugh is too desperate. "Wife, kids, house...who cares about any of that."

I do.

No, Luvvie did.

But Luvvie isn't here anymore.

"I know, right? I just want to travel around and see the world, that's all."

"Me too." Orson props his elbows on the counter. "I want to come with you."

Oh God, how am I in such hot water? It's been a couple of days! Phoenix is turning out to be more trouble than she's worth. Maybe I need to ditch her too.

"You can't leave, Orson. You have your whole life here."

"My life is shit. I don't have anything keeping me here."

"I don't..." Guilt floods me, my eyes hit the floor. "It's not the best plan, Orson. I'm not exactly...good for you."

"An excuse. I see. You don't want to spend time with me. I was just a one-night thing."

"No, I didn't say..."

"It's fine." His bright smile doesn't meet his eyes. "I get you. You have your own life to live. You don't want me cramping your style."

"It's not cramping my style, it's just..."

"Don't worry." He holds up his hands to silence me. "I get it, you don't need to explain. You have to go, like you said, you can't hang around."

Well, I can't exactly argue with that. All I can do is escape his sad eyes...

"I will just gather up my stuff then." I'm backing away, but the chasm between us isn't big enough. His agony continues to roll over me in waves. "Thanks, Orson."

I half-run until I'm back in room seventeen. The only place which feels safe. I have no choice but to leave with Orson hanging over me like a brand new dark shadow. Right now, freedom isn't looking like I want it to.

I want Darkside. I want freedom. But I can only have one...

***

Nine minutes...

Nine minutes feels like a lifetime. Every second is killer. I can almost hear a clock hand hitting every second.

Eight and a half minutes until I escape this shitty small town, until I get away from Orson and the extra clean room seventeen. There might be a smashed glass tumbler in the trash can, but each piece is sparkling like no one has ever touched it.

Nothing left behind. I don't exist.

Six minutes.

Six minutes and I will be on the bus going God knows where. I haven't even looked which direction it's headed in, I don't care what city I arrive in, as long as it's one far away from here and all the people.

There might be a magnetic pull here, a little bit of me that wants to stay and restart here, but in four minutes all that will be long behind me, thank goodness.

I put too many roots down here. I wasn't supposed to put roots down anywhere.

I won't miss Orson for long. In two minutes time he'll be out my life forever. Phoenix doesn't get attached, she doesn't remember people, she doesn't fuck up.

Once this bus moves me on, I won't mess up again...