Darkside

Nineteen

"This is...nice." I have to admit the journey made me nervous. Moving freaks me out, but so does staying still. "Are you sure you an apartment is better than a motel?"

"My Phoenix deserves better than a motel." Orson's arm is warm on my shoulder. "And this might be small, but it's sweet. We can make it our own."

A life, a real life, living with a man I'm falling for, one who feels the same for me. I tilt my eyes and smile at him through my eyelashes.

"We can make it our own, and we can have the best life ever."

We don't need things, we have one another and that's enough. Orson builds me up, gives me strength, makes me secure. I don't need to worry about his headspace because I know exactly where it is. With me.

"Thank you, Orson," I whisper delicately. "You have no idea what this means to me."

"And you have no idea what this means to me as well." He leans into me. "You've given me life as well. So, we might not have much, but let's get unpacked with what we do have."

"Shouldn't take us long." I breathe a little easier with this joke. "Let's get to it. Then we need to job hunt and make sure we really have a life here."

"You're worried, aren't you?" Orson spins me to face him until his nose is almost on mine. "I told you not to worry anymore. I got you. You aren't alone these days."

He doesn't know everything, that's the issue. He thinks he knows enough, but it doesn't. It won't ever be simple for me to relax, but I'll try. I'll do my best for him and for myself as well. I still want to become the Phoenix by the ocean I envisioned.

"I know." I nod and let him kiss me. "It's just going to take some getting used to. I've been on my own for a very long time."

Those words aren't strictly true, I haven't always been by myself in this vagrant situation, but I have always been lonely. I've never had someone here for me, not like Orson is.

I just hope this isn't too good to be true. That's my biggest fear right now.

***

I should avoid the news.

I should avoid TV completely.

I knew getting one was a bad idea, but I had no excuse to give Orson when he brought it in. Instead, I was going to avoid it, but it keeps sucking me in regardless.

I touch the screen, wishing I could actually feel my father's face through the glass covering the TV. His wide eyes speak of the sadness deep within his heart, much more than the words he's trying to get out.

"I...had this before. My wife...went missing as well. We didn't know what happened to her. So, losing Luvvie...I can't do it. I need to know where she went." His knuckles turn white as he grips onto the pulpit in front of him. "The police keep saying she's presumed dead because of all the blood, but we don't know. We don't know." He's breaking, cracking under the pressure. He might run at any moment. "I need to know what he did to her. I don't feel like anyone is focusing on that enough. What did that bastard do to her?"

The curse word gets him cut off far too quickly. A howl bursts from me, I can't cope with him vanishing. I didn't think I'd miss that man as much as I do. I also didn't think he'd care.

I could go, I could visit, just for a second...

But that's not what missing people do, is it? It's not what dead people do either and I'm supposed to be long gone. The blood is key, that's why I'm not just missing.

I'm glad my father knows who's to blame though, that's really something. I wasn't sure anyone would work that out. Cash can't get away with this. Not for much longer. If he's on the case, putting pressure on the cops, eventually they'll have to declare him the main suspect.

"He'll be okay." I don't know who I'm trying to convince because I won't believe myself, but I have to try. "He will. He survived before and he will again."

He survived, but he hasn't lived since. I don't want this to be the thing that puts the final nail in his coffin.