Pure-sue \ pər-ˈsü , -ˈsyü \

II

II.
As puzzled as I am, I was reminded of the quotation I always wonder with - that change is the only constant thing in the world. Because I happen to passed by a river while on my way home and that brought me to reflect on myself again. What is really happening with me?

The river seems to be inviting me to dwell more into self-introspection. It is so beautiful that I feel like I could gazed it for hours. I really like how the rivers looked at night with the dim lights flashing forth from different homes that surround it... I'm riding a bus right now and can't help but wonder and wander about things that are happening.

I was so steady and seemed firm to who I was before yet looking at how things are occurring now, I doubt I could still claim that I am who I was. A shift has occurred in me and like the river flowing freely, change also moves freely and abruptly in my life.

Surely I was not like before. A lot have happened in me that even my rational mind cannot keep up. I tried to control the pace yet to no avail the pace moves swifter than ever before.

Something has grown deep within me! That, no matter how I deny it, it keeps bothering me. Coz' I can't even explain a thing. Well, it is not in the level of mind to begin with anyway. So I got even more confused.

What is this little thing called love? Or is this really just a little? Ever since I was a child, this has been one of the major subjects Id really want to be clear of. And up to now, I could barely know something about this so-called love. What was, is, and will be its nature? Would it be a conqueror that imprisons people into stupidity or would it be a guardian for liberation?

Anyhow, people tend to make it big a deal. It is as if, the world has been bewildered by its allurement that people cannot seem to think nor know what is right from wrong. I don't want to be stupid but the more I try to resist it, the more I am drawn to it.

I used to wonder how people get stupid in the name of love - people always tell me that love should not be rationalized, that it should always be felt; now I can somehow find the wisdom in their statements. Surely, this thing will always haunt me since I was not used to using my feelings and emotions.

I don't know who to blame for this. Should I blame myself for being ignorant and unprepared or should I blame that person who came forth and shook my mental state or comfort zone? Usually, I was always logical in dealing with people but when it comes to her, it is as if, my mind stops to process. I keep on thinking, what is in her that makes me like this? How is she different with all the people that I have met before?

And so I tried to confront her, with, of course, no certainties of what will the outcome be. I am not a person to be acting on impulse (you might already be aware of this by looking on the way I think) yet, at that very moment, to her, I was hooked to abrupt action. Then, I was put into silence while facing her. I really don't know where to start, what to say, and how to act.

The weather was so nice at that time - not too hot to stay outdoors to unwind - but I was all sweaty trying to collect all my thoughts and trying to regain my composure. I felt like I was going through the raging current of uneasiness.

Breaking my weariness, she said "Just say what you're thinking instead of thinking what to say; that is what makes a statement more sincere" as if she already knew what I was thinking.

I bottled up my confidence. Yet, I cannot find any from within me. I got shy! Yes, it may seem like a joke but in my entire life, I got shy facing and expressing myself to a person.

Exhilarating.
She looked too innocent with her cute eyes glimmering because of the rays of the sun. Her hair, though squandered by the wind, still seem soft and fragrant swaying along the maple trees.
She frowned while waiting for me to speak, yet even the wackiest of her face made her extraordinarily candid - at least I thought so. But here comes my mind again spurting contradicting ideas...

"Are you certain that your eyes do not deceive you?"

My mind keeps on echoing this question like a mantra or a chant making me more confused as I am now.

Finally I got the strength to speak...

...nervously though...

...and...

"Wa-wa-what's with you?" I shyly muttered."

While waiting for her response...everything replayed - from the moment I first saw her.