Pure-sue \ pər-ˈsü , -ˈsyü \

IV

IV.
"Lex..."

"Lex!!!"

My teacher shouted at me.

"You're spacing out. I rarely see you being absent minded in class." He commented.

"Sorry sir!" I apologetically said.

"What's disturbing you?

"Nothing sir. I guess I just have not gotten enough sleep last night." I lied. Actually, I keep on thinking what happened yesterday at the beach. My mind was pre-occupied with my conversation with Sophia.

Indeed it was a rare moment - my spacing out and Sophia smiling towards me.

"By the way, what are you asking sir?" I asked while trying to regain my focus.

Mr. Carnis is my Philosophy professor. He is a typical nerd looking guy, wearing big lenses glasses and has messy hair. Although he is nicely built, he lacks care on his looks. Some girls in our class often commented on his looks that only if he fixes his hair and remove his glasses, he would have been an apple of the eye of our school's faculty.

But what I like the most about him is his way of thinking. He often says and discusses out of the blue topics. I could never forget one of his discussions about words (although I'm still in doubt of everything)...
"...words by themselves don't possess any meanings, unless you put meaning unto them through actions. Say for example: the word love...is meaningless unless one has shown how really is to love." Such statement gave me goosebumps.

Yet. I really don't like how he looks at me. It is as if his eyes scrutinize my inner being. I feel uncomfortable whenever he gazes. Not that I have a secret I don't want to reveal, but it really creeps me out.

"What do you keep?" I was astounded of the question coming from my behind. It was a question raised by my professor. Although it is subjected to everyone but I feel like it is more directed to me.

I wondered about the question... What do I really keep? What things do I hide from others? Or might also be from myself? I spaced out again. I think I hide so many things to the extent that I already don't have a hold on to truth.

"The truth will always not be the real!"

God! How did that come out from him? Is he able to read my mind? I muttered to myself while wondering about the statement my prof has just said.

Riinnggg!!!!!! The bell just saved me from over thinking again.

I went out the room and decided to go to the roof top where it usually is not accessible to students. I am often having my moments here because it is serene. My mind feels more at ease in here.

I sob to rest my eyes and at the same time my mind. When...

"How are you?"

I know this voice... I slowly lift my head and true enough. It came from Sophia. I'm wondering, whenever I am alone, Sophia keeps on appearing. I don't want to assume though.

She sits right next to me and so I could smell the fragrance coming from her hair and from her fading perfume. It was pleasant to smell. I moved away a bit to give space between us and so that she won't notice my trembling.

"You didn't answer my question." She repeated herself.

"Ahh...I'm fine I guess." That come out of my mouth voluntarily.

And a brief silence followed.

"How are you?" I asked back, just to break the momentarily silent atmosphere.

"Have you ever wondered about the fear of losing someone? The fear of losing someone you love or worst losing your own sense of self?"

I was taken aback by her question, but I think it was a good one. Only few people would have dare to ask those questions verbally.

"Or have you hated something of the things that have to be but have not been?" She added.

"Well, people should draw a line from what they hate and from what they are scared of. As for me, I feared almost everything, I feared that i could not understand the reality of things while I only hated myself of not accepting the truth that our reality brings."

"As for losing someone, people come and go in one way or another. They come and bring a twist to your monotonic life and leave afterwards once they have leave footprints to your life. I think we should all learn the process of letting go and moving forward." I unhesitatingly answered.

"You really are a level headed type of person. You tend to give comments out of theories. But I wonder how you will react on real life situations."

"Isn't it that theories were created out of real life situations?"

"Yes! But do all theories applicable to life? You may rationalize everything that has happening but the substance present in them is too shallow because you cannot feel what is beyond those things." I sensed a little irritation from the tone of her voice. And I wondered what wrong did I do?

"Well, it's not that you did anything wrong...I just got carried away and had been a bit sensitive." She laughed awkwardly.

As for me, I got confused whether I had verbalized what I was thinking or not. As far as I remember I didn't say it loud because it might offend her but she responded as if I have told her so.

I closed my eyes because I got a little dizzy. And t'was the moment the bell rang. I opened my eyes and Sophia has already gone.

As I was walking down the aisle along our compound, I cannot help but to think what has happened. Too much things have occurred for the past days. I am already exhausted with all that have happened. Literally I was dragging myself just to get home and lie down to the comfort of my bed.

Sophia thought I'm a shallow person. Well, it's not that I'm deep anyway but I think compared to other people out there, am way better than them. But she has thought I'm one of the worsts kind or it might just be an assumption based on her reaction with how I commented a while ago. I shook off the idea and prepared to go to sleep.