Pure-sue \ pər-ˈsü , -ˈsyü \

IV

IV.

Its been an exhausting and creepy day. I took a deep breath and affirmed myself. Good job Lex, good job for holding it in.

At the thought of someone died, I was scared to death. I was really terrified, but good job self, you didnt breakdown.

Mom, Dad...I'm home. I yelled. But--wait...

Oh, why do I always forget that?...

I put my shoes on the shoe rack and dragged myself to pass the seemingly long alley of the house going straight to my room. Its too quiet. this silence is too deafening.

And suddenly tears automatically fell...the things that have happened today reminds me of my past. I tried to forget it, but---Its too much to bear.

I slid down the floor...hugged my knees. Im feeling cold. Why is the house freezing? Im feeling lonely. I hugged myself even tighter. My tears kept on flowing. And now I realize---I am alone! I am already alone! No one will come to my aid.

I've burst into tears, letting all my emotions that've bottled up flow. Just today please...just this hour, let me be weak. Let me be a cry baby; let me be emotional. Just today.

And so I let myself be drowned into my deep emotions. Now lying on the cold floor, cringing and crippled...

"Lex, just be happy, it's not your fault okay..." A voice from the past kept on ringing and echoing to me. But that should've consoled me somehow, but it turns out that, that's the saddest statement I have ever heard.

I clenched my fist against my chest. That was heavy, that was painful. I punch my chest, so hard at that, hoping it will somehow ease the pain.

I cried...and cried...until literally I have no more tears to cry on.

Now, I just stared on the ceiling. Blood's droppin. And I just let myself be immersed to it, be drowned to it.

I'd wish that they brought me with them so that I'd never feel this way. Geez, I thought I became numb, but look at me now, dumbfounded and sulking myself out of this pain.

"I missed you...I really do," I muttered in the oblivion as I closed my eyes. At that tears flowed again.

Geez! Why do we feel different emotions? Cant we just live simpler and happier? I hissed to myself.

Why do we get hurt over things in the past?

"Because these are the things we wished to change but turned out that we could never do it. That's why we get hurt." I was both dumbfounded and happy when Sophia suddenly appeared. Ugh never mind my confusion, what's important is, that she's here.

...and emotions make us more human. We try to despise what we feel because we couldnt understand a thing about it. But emotions arent exactly in the level of mind for us to rationalize so, surely, we wouldnt understand." She muttered.

"Just let it flow...I mean your emotion. You may appear weak displaying what you feel but the irony is, it makes you even stronger." She continued.

I got up from the floor and sit beside her - I think, an inch distant with her.

I hugged her, and she hugged me back. She stroke my hair and ahhh that was comforting. I didnt talk, I just let myself be thrown to her embrace.

"No matter what happens, I'll be by your side. When you realize that you wouldnt need me anymore, Ill go but still remain with you." She hushed while stroking my hair. I didnt understand it but nevermind.

I pushed her away gently and looked into her eyes...

"I love you" I mumbled.

"I love you too" she responded. "I have love you even before, I still love you till now, and I'll love you even when you wake up from this fantasy." She muttered.

Tears fell from her eyes. God, I dont want to see her crying. So I wiped her tears with my fingers and hugged her again.

"This is our reality...and even, supposed, that we're living in fantasy, I'll make sure to make that a reality." I assured her, though I'm still confused with her statements.

At that, I woke up.

Was that only a dream? Its too vivid. But anyway, dream or not, I am already sure of what I feel for Sophia.