Pure-sue \ pər-ˈsü , -ˈsyü \

IV

IV.

"What happened?" I sympathetically asked Lex when he already seemed relaxed.

He was still sobbing and hugging his knees though. He was like a lost child deprived of his favorites.

I waited for his response, though he doesnt seem to want to talk. I'm still terrified, I have to admit that, but Lex...Lex... Oh God I cannot leave him like this.

So I desperately waited like a fool.

And...

He looked at me...

His eyes---

There were dark circles around and they were actually red as hell.

They were cold. They were terrifying.

But still, I mustered my strength to meet his scary cold eyes.

"Sophia---" he muttered.

"She was acting strange. She doesnt seem to want to talk to me. Whenever I talk, I always find her staring at somewhere else. She seemed to be in a lot of confusion..." He paused at that. I dont know how much he was holding but I could see him trying.

"She doesnt even answering her phone. Sometimes, when in a date, she'd disappear without even saying a word. God, it happened just after the night we've last visited your house. So, I've thought that you might have done something. Or she might have misunderstood something." His eyes were already teary at that. He looked so weak that makes me want to hug him tight.

...and now---tears already fell from his eyes. He cannot hold it anymore, his long enduring.

"And now...I guessed she doesnt want to see me again. Its already been days since we last saw each other. I dont have any means to contact her nor do I know her address." He disappeared just like that! I dont know what to do Psy" I could feel his pain in his every word. He grinned his teeth and pulled his hair.

"God, its a torture! I dont want this! I did not want this! I have never wanted this Psyche! I hate this feeling! If I have known that this would happen, then I should not have tried to understand what I'm feeling. I should not have tried to feel anything at all. I should have stayed just the way I was before! Psyche please...relieved me from this pain...please just remove this feeling. I dont want it." God he's already pleading. He seemed desperate. How much love does he has for Sophia?

I cried...I moved an inch near him, and wrapped my arms around him. I wanted to absorb all his pain and let me feel it instead of him. I wanted to get all he's feeling right now. I wanted him to be okay. I wanted him to be happy. But all I can do is cry. Is this the best that I could offer? God, please grant me special power. Ill do everything but please make him happy again.

Can I just be Sophia? Can I just replace her in your heart? Can you just love me instead? Can we just be together? Geez, I wanted to tell him all these things. I wanted to tell him I love him...that I really, really love him a lot. But...

Just what does Sophia has to make you love her like this? Just how much of the things she has that I was lacking? Lex, please look at me the way you look at her. Please just love me the least you could give if you could not love me as much as you love her. Still silently wanting

Geez, Im so jealous of her. Im jealous of an illusion. That only means that an illusion is greater than the reality - that dreaming is greater than when you are awake. I had wished I could be part of his illusion so that she may also look at me as much as Sophia.

Somebody hear me please...

Gosh, Im crying this hard. Im crying because Lex is hurting...and...because he cannot really love me. I have to admit that to myself. That makes me hate myself even more.

I have decided, Ill do everything to make him happy. Even to the extent of conditioning myself to see Sophia.I'll meet Sophia for Lex.

"Im sorry," Lex looked at me with his apologetic eyes. He must have calmed a bit. But I know he's still hurting.

I smiled at him. "We're friends right?" And I have just stabbed my own self with that. It hurts, but for him, Im willing to endure.

He gave me a weak smile. Ugh, that's right. That's already enough. At least he could already smile.

"Hey wipe your tears," I jokingly said. And he did, laughing at what I have just said.

"Woaahh, com'on you also have shed tears as much as I did," he kid back.

And we just laughed at ourselves.

"Shall we go? They must already been waiting for us." I said.

"Yeah, Im sorry Psy, really...and...thank you" he sincerely said. I think I just blushed really hard at that.