The Marionette • Chuuya X Reader

14: Stockholm

"You are the first person to ever tell me that."

"What?" Dazai lowers his gun after shooting the prisoner he had brought in for you to torture, the blood seeping all throughout the floor, the smell of death familiar.

"That I'm stronger than I think."

The dark haired man stares at you for a few seconds before turning away, walking past you and making his way to the dungeon-like stairs. You watch for a moment before following, heart aching that he had just ignored you. It wasn't anything new, but the few times you did speak up out of turn, Dazai often simply didn't care about what you had to say. Of course, there were the exceptions, but the coldness in his treatment toward you only made you want a further explanation from him, further attention.

"It wasn't a compliment. If you don't grow to be at your max strength, everything we've done will be pointless and you will be useless." Dazai says in a 'as-a-matter-of-fact' tone, breaking the winter-like silence as you both continue up the stairs until you make it into a dark corridor to make it back to headquarters.

"Haven't I told you that before?"

You look away from Dazai in front of you and down the the floor, a reality you didn't want to accept hitting you slowly. The only reason he kept you so close, the only reason there were moments in which it felt like it was only the two of you against the world as his touch meant everything, was because of your potential power.

But what could you do?

It wasn't the first time you came to that conclusion. In fact, this train of thought happened often and for different reasons. However...every time that train only got slower and slower, your doubt in Dazai fading with every promise that he spouted out with his silver tongue.

It wasn't your fault. Being locked away and not allowed to talk to anyone else, your only other reference for people was Mori and the ones from the orphanage. The only other people you knew harmed you physically more than mentally. Dazai's way of speaking to you and making everything he said sweeter than the truth was like a drug to you.

Dazai without fail always pulled all your right marionette strings.

You didn't know better.

•••

You always hated white noise, along with the way your senses are consumed with nothing but static in your mind as you reach for any thought to come to you, only to find yourself in an abyss of emotions you don't know resolve. Similar to how white noise static in a radio is like a loss of connection, or a block in the way of the signals, you can feel a conclusion to the way you feel being blocked by a small detail of the past you can't give a name to. It's the same feeling you get when you want to express so much more to Dazai, but you can't. Be it hate or resentment. It's too difficult.

Now asleep, your mind wants to wake you up, but your body has given out, the last thing in your swirling memories being talking to Chuuya after a sleepless night not unlike many others you've had. The only difference was that this time, you had more than just sleep lacking. Emotional stress has eaten you up, while you ate nothing at all, your limits being reached.

Humiliating.

You never wanted to look weak, neither did you ever want to be a bother to anyone, but for some reason you always felt like that's all you proved being. How many times had Dazai had to give you extra encouragement for you to finish a job? How many times did your emotions resurface when you had taught yourself to burry them all the way down with a lock without a key? And now you've fainted in front of Chuuya like a doll losing all life as its puppeteer lets the strings go, right after hurting the executive's pride by acting as if he'd done you so much wrong, when ever since you were taken under his command he'd been nothing but sympathetic towards your situation, so much so the Kouyou had the need to comment on your behaviour days ago. So much so that you demanded he dance with you and then...and then you saw Dazai, and everything had been out of your control.