The Marionette • Chuuya X Reader

33: Differences

Why have we been built this way?

Why do we have to carry this weight?

Why do I always involve so many emotions?

"Chuuya wouldn't be pleased about that, would he?"

The mention of the executive's name catches you off guard, the bitter tone to the way Akutagawa phrases his question with an obvious answer stinging you a little, the flickering moment of confusion from you giving him a chance to push you off him gentler than before.

"So why let me believe you didn't care at all?" You ask, suddenly dumbfounded at Akutagawa's response.

"I don't. I still hate you and people like you, I'm just not stupid enough to get into trouble with him." Is all you get as justification of his actions, his eyes leaving your face and glancing away to the still waters of the port before speaking again with reluctance.

"I'm not Dazai. You aren't going to gain anything by hoping I'll pity you. I'm not the answer to any of your questions."

By the way he points that out, you can tell that it pains Akutagawa to mention both your former mentor's name, his exasperation towards you set aside in those few seconds as a mutual frustration arises briefly and paints the atmosphere with a gentle care for each other that neither of you acknowledge. Though you both have learnt how to infuriate the other, always in a push and pull trying to gain an edge on, your similarities would always bubble to the surface in the heat of the moment, those being your shared sorrow because of Dazai being the drive to most your accomplishments, and curiosity would take over the itch to make the other mad.

You both recognized it.

You're sure he hates it.

If I have to spend time with you, I want to make excuses for the way we are.

You wish he'd let you talk in the hopes of finding comfort in your own disgust to what's happened to you. A distaste you've started to think only Akutagawa would comprehend while Chuuya tries to rid you of it.

"Akutagawa...you understand where I come from right? You know how I feel?"

"Why do you bother asking that question? You already know the answer."

•••

Before heading back towards headquarters, you are left alone to wash the blood off of your face from the mission, your clothes unfixable until you make it back. It doesn't take too long until your reflection in the water stares back at you without a visible trace of the red liquid, though you still feel it all over you.

With a sigh, you lift yourself up and watch as the sun has started to set, afternoon clocking into evening hours, clouds covering the sky as the winds haven't stopped from earlier. Placing your hand together down in front of you, taking comfort in your own warmth, you start to walk back to headquarters while you actively try not to overthink today's mission with Akutagawa, his words still ringing in your ears. Instead, you try to entertain yourself with thoughts of Chuuya, the thought seeing him again sending your heart a flutter; you want to be in his arms.

Walking faster, you turn a corner and reach a bridge over a large river, a detour you've learned after getting to know the city a little better, going towards it without a second thought, the water glittering under the sun in different cool colours distracting you until you feel a presence across from you and you slowly look up, the light expression on your face freezing.

"It's been a while, [f/n]."

Why.

You hadn't heard that voice in almost over a month, and you had begun to hope it would be much longer until you had to hear it again. Standing on the opposite side of the bridge with a smile on his face, Dazai waves at you, his wavy brown hair moving with a gentleness you thought was undeserved by him with the wind, his golden brown eyes uncomfortably bright.