The Marionette • Chuuya X Reader

23: Desirous

"No."

"Why not?"

"Do you know how late it is?"

You watch as Chuuya contemplates your question as if he is trying to remember a simple fact, his head tilted slightly to the side, his hat casting a soft shadow on his face. When you asked, you had meant to point out how ridiculously late it was, but it was obvious to you immediately after asking that the executive really has no idea what time it is. You stand guarded at the door, watching Chuuya carefully with your shoulders tensed up, breathing shallow. It isn't that you don't want to talk to him, you do, you want to make everything right, but with the moon high in the sky and wine fresh in Chuuya's mind, you are afraid. Not of him, but of your own patience.

"You came apologizing three days ago and now you don't want to hear what I've got to say? Because of the time? Or do you just not want to hear me..?"

"Chuuya..." you sigh, taking a step forward and closing your door slightly behind you, keeping your hand on the door handle as Chuuya straightens up in front of you, looking you over.

"You ignored me for those three days and now you've decided it has to be right now? Before that, you called me Marionette, which makes me think that you don't even believe a word I told you while apologizing. Did you even listen to me? I want nothing more than to talk, but it's really late and you're also obviously a bit drunk so I don't think-"

"Don't think what?"

With his question, Chuuya takes a step closer, causing you to step back and lean against the door behind you, hand tightening around the handle. Clouds moving away from the moon, light leaks through directly on to your faces, highlighting both your expressions and illuminating the small details in Chuuya's sorrowful ocean in his blue eyes.

I don't think I can filter myself anymore.

"For the record, I listened to what you said the other day; but how do you think it feels to know that right after you asked to kiss me, and I did, that you went and kissed someone else too? And not just anyone, you went back to Dazai. You weren't even going to tell me if the boss hadn't said anything, you were satisfied with lying to me. Then you apologize, as you called it, only to tell me everything I already knew and didn't want rubbed in my fucking face..."

With a pause, Chuuya puts a gloved hand to his head for a moment as if in discomfort, closing his eyes only to let out a deep breath and continue talking as you stand there stunned in silence. His words are a bit slurred together, but they still ring clearly in your head.

"Do you know what it is for me to be jealous of the person I hate the most? And I can't even blame you! Not completely. He made sure you didn't know better...and I couldn't do anything about it."

He has never meant to hurt me, and I'll I've done is hurt him, blame him...when he is the face I see when I think of feeling safe, feeling cared for...

I've driven him to liquid courage to face me.

He deserves more.

I'm not a puppet anymore.

Like a painful melody, the silence surrounding you enhances the subtleness of the differing tones in his voice, the way he sounds so conflicted and hurt by admitting it all out loud encompassing your heart, guilt and desperation to make it better pushing you to speak up, to let go of all of your fear.

"I do know better now though. You told me to figure out what I want and I did." You whisper, glancing the bright silver moon peaking at the window across the hall, it's comforting glow shining upon you. Sinking into your door, letting go and allowing yourself to relax as you walk backwards, just barely pushing the door open as you let go of the handle, you tilt your head up towards the executive whose eyes have widened in anticipation, searching your face for the answer.