The Marionette • Chuuya X Reader

26: Mysteries

I shouldn't bother him. He might not want to talk to me right now.

Turning your head away from Chuuya and leaning on the wall behind you, you go back to studying the glass and let out a long sigh as your eyes flutter closed, sunlight pouring out of the windows covering your face, the warmth a strange sensation on your skin.

Maybe I should just let him go.

I'm not what he needs.

After a long few seconds, footsteps grow louder down the corridor in your direction, and soon enough as you open your eyes again and glance to the side, you find Chuuya standing next to you, shoulders almost touching, his face facing the windows as well. His red hair covers his eyes, his whole body still and unmoving except his chest rising up and down with every small breath he takes, broad shoulders straightening themselves before he turns his head towards you too and locks eyes with you for a brief moment, butterflies awakening in your stomach as they do somersaults all over the place, a light blush immediately covering your cheeks when you look away.

What is he doing?

"Did you have a good mission? You look exhausted."

"It was successful."

"What happened?"

"Why would anything have happened?"

There's a pause in the conversation when you ask that question, your full body turning away from the glass windows and towards Chuuya instead; you for some reason anxious the more he asks, a hurricane of emotions tumbling every other thought inside you. You don't mean to sound passive aggressive, but with all the exasperation from earlier and your mind no longer knowing how to act next to the executive, your tone slips.

What am I doing?

"So nothing happened? I'm not here to argue with you; do you just always come back from a mission so bruised up?"

Why is he so calm?

"I...no. I just...I ran into someone and Dazai...we weren't expecting interruptions..." you mutter, but when Chuuya doesn't respond right away, you keep going, unable to stop yourself now that you've been forced to face what had happened, digging deep inside your frustrations of earlier.

I was proved worthless.

Why are you even listening?

"I'll be ok. I just didn't expect it. I didn't expect to be thrown around like a rag-doll, or to find out that I've been living lies my whole life. Maybe I always knew though...I was called his marionette after all, putting on any show they commanded...I've been living lie after lie...I should have known..." you trail off, eyes watering as you feel a knot at your throat the more you talk, your heart accelerated with the same anxiety turned fear of having to accept your conclusions.

He doesn't want to hear this.

He doesn't need my mess.

"Do you think I've lied to you?" Chuuya breathes and turns to properly face you, eyes settled on yours and his face free of any anger or annoyance, only soft concern creating a light frown on his face.

Have you not?

Everything stops with those few words pulling at your heart strings, your eyes desperately searching his for the answer in hopes that you won't have to ask yourself.

You're afraid of hearing his answers.

"Do you think I am using you?"

Are you?

You open your mouth to respond only to shut it closed immediately, no words coming out as your mind turns and keeps searching for the answer; until you realize that the answer isn't with Chuuya, but within yourself. Never has the man in front of you wronged you the way others have, yet here you are doubting every word coming out of his mouth as you always do. Doubt is the only proof you have. Hesitance has always been your downfall, and ignoring all your emotions the fire behind the arson of your reason. Still, you feel as afraid of asking him for some clarity as you were to acknowledge your desire the night before, because in the end it's not his responsibility to give it to you.

He isn't Dazai.

He'll give me the truth.

There is no reason for him to offer any further compassion, no matter how much you want it.

"I just..."

After everything...I still just want you.

I'm afraid of that.

I'm afraid that everything that's happened with you has only been a lesson to learn.

"[f/n]..." Chuuya begins, but when you react by looking away from him, fear shadowing the hurt you harbour in your [e/c] eyes, he surprises you and himself by walking closer and pulling you into a hug, arms around you forcing you to relax and close your eyes, body completely helpless under his touch.

I'm so sorry.

The warmth and tightness of having someone's arms around you bursts the bubble you had been preserving inside, causing you to slowly let go of your tears and the pain hurting your from the inside. Forehead resting against his shoulder, you feel the tears streaming down your face as you try to catch your breath, your own arms moving to hug him back, hands clutching at his overcoat, sorrow bleeding through every beat of your heart. The both of you stay encased in each other's arms, taking comfort in the closeness of the other.

"I have never lied to you." Chuuya whispers as he lets you go, porcelain face tinted pink, head tilted slightly as he looks at you with so much care, you aren't sure if you're just imagining it anymore. You are finding it hard to believe any of this is real; your body tingling after being so close, your heart feeling lighter, the way that he only keeps on giving without the certainty that you'd give back in return from the very beginning.

"Not even last night?"

Silence greets your question, air ceasing and tension rising, your head pounding in your ears. Chuuya's serene expression fades into a confused frown, his eyes searching your face until they drop down to your neck and then shooting back up to your eyes, his face completely burning up in the flooding of memory flashbacks to you and him tangled in a dance of fire, pinning you against the wall until you had had to put a stop to it.

"...no" he finally says, sighing in defeat and tugging at his gloves uncomfortably, taking a step away from you, his cheeks pink and his face trying to keep his composure together.

I want to believe you.

I want to tell you how I feel.

I don't want to let you go.

"Good" You murmur, taking two steps closer than before to rid yourself of the space he had created between you two, leaning up and planting a gentle kiss on his lips, allowing yourself to jump into the heat and get caught up in all your emotions, throwing away your fear as soon as your lips touched his; his lips parting for your in response, closing his eyes, breathing hitched.

In those few seconds, as Chuuya deepens the gentle kiss, you realize a few crucial things as if kissing him for the very first time. No longer drowning in your own suffering, you are no longer as alone as you had thought. You never wanted to be. You wanted nothing more than to let him consume all your five senses, to put a stop to your thoughts for a while and only let you think of him. You want him to demand to own your everything for a while. Last time wasn't enough. Lastly, you realized you are, in fact, falling so very hard in love with Chuuya Nakahara.

"I love you"