End Up Here

you're running around and I'm running awayrunning away from you, from you

"Next up... Nova," Professor Montgomery says. I grab my guitar and walk to the front. I could feel my nervousness transform into visible anxiety. I had rehearsed so many times and I knew I was ready, but somehow, I was still very nervous. I calmed myself down and took deep breaths as I sat down in the chair that was set up. 

"Hey guys, I'm Nova Hale and I'm gonna be performing 'Northern Downpour' by Panic! at the Disco."

"Wooo!" a random student in the back yells. I look at him and he's wearing a Panic! shirt. This gives me the boost of confidence I need before I start to play.

I take a deep breath and strum the first chord. As I continue to play, I feel a wave of calmness come over me, and I enter a world where it's just me and the guitar. Somehow, I'm able to forget the dozens of people watching, and before I know it, I'm on the last line.

You are at the top of my lungs
Drawn to the ones who never yawn

I smile and sigh of relief. That was the final I was most worried about, and now it's over! The class claps, and the boy in the Panic! shirt stands up and cheers. 

"Thank you, Nova. Excellent job!" Professor Montgomery says.

I head back to my seat and zone off for the rest of class, thinking about what I'm going to do later today. Yesterday, Calum had suggested that I talk to Maisy, so I am planning to go to the cafe after class. I knew she was working today, because I saw her last week on Tuesday around the same time. Once the last student performs, I grab my backpack and guitar and head out the door. 

I make my way to the cafe, thinking about what to say to Maisy. I don't want to sound like I'm making assumptions, but I feel like she's dropped more than enough hints that she's feeling off. I couldn't come on too strong or else she wouldn't say anything at all.

As soon as I enter the cafe, I see Maisy behind the counter taking orders. I walk up as soon as the customer in front of me is done paying. When she sees me, she gives a face of indifference.

"Oh, hi Nova," she says.

"Hey Maisy! I'll have the usual."

"Right. That'll be $4.75."

As I'm paying, I ask if she can sit down with me for a minute and talk. She tells me she's not allowed to, and hesitates, but says that I can come over to her dorm later if I wanted. I smile and tell her I'll be by later.

I study for my history final for an hour and text Maisy to see when I should come over. It takes thirty minutes before I get a response from her. And when I do, it's not much. All she writes is, "now is fine"

I grab my keys, remembering that Lia is with Luke tonight and won't be here to open the door for me. Before I leave, something comes over me and I check my appearance in the mirror. I'm wearing a black knit sweater and black leggings. To spice up my look, I change my shoes to bright red high top Converse. I pull my hair into a bun with a matching red scrunchie, and I head out the door. 

I get to Maisy's dorm, and suddenly get nervous. To try to calm myself down, I try to remember the feeling of playing "Northern Downpour" today. Plus, I really had no reason to be nervous. I knock on the door, and moments later, Maisy appears. We go and sit down on the couch, and I'm the first one to speak.

"So. What's been going on lately? It seems like there's something on your mind." 

Maisy shifts uncomfortably. She takes a few seconds to answer. "Oh, you know, just finals week stress. You know how it is with our major."

"Come on, Maisy. You can talk to me."

She shakes her head back and forth. "But can I? We only met a week ago. Plus you probably don't wanna hear it."

"Okay, you have to tell me now! I promise you can tell me anything."

"Well. As you know, I am a lesbian. And we get... crushes on... girls."

"Wait, this is just about a crush? You gotta tell me who it is!"

"Uh, you."

I feel the color drain from my face. I was definitely not expecting that. 

"I was gonna tell you that night in the dining hall, but as soon as you starting talking you told me that you just kissed Calum. So I figured I better keep my mouth shut."

For once in my life, I was left completely speechless. Suddenly, I felt anxiety coming on. It felt like the night that Luke walked in on me and Calum kissing. Feeling like I had no other choice, I did what I do best: I bolted out of Maisy's dorm and out into the crisp summer night.