When I came back from Sitio Pantol, I promised myself that I will do well in school this year. Goal ko na puro line of 1 ang magiging grades ko. But it's not even one month since this semester started, and my brain cells are starting to give up already. Sunud-sunod ang mga assignments at projects na pinapagawa sa'min ng mga professors. Bukod doon, may mga seminars pa kami para sa SCL 402 (Seminar V (Current Social Issues).
There are also nights when I don't get out of my room because I have to do a lot of research. Dinner lang ang pahinga ko—na sobrang sinusulit ko dahil 'yun lang ang chance ko na makapag-kuwento sa pamilya ko ng mga ganap ko sa buhay. Of course, ako lagi ang bangka sa pamilya namin.
But last night, it was different. During dinner, Kuya Boaz mentioned that he wants to quit being a freelancer. He said he wants to get a regular job. Tatapusin niya lang daw ang mga current projects niya at pagkatapos no'n, hindi na siya tatanggap ng freelance projects. May kaibigan kasi siya na nagta-trabaho sa isang malaking advertising company at maganda ang posisyon na ino-offer sa kaniya. Nang tanungin ko siya kung bakit bigla niyang naisipan na magpalit ng trabaho, ang sabi niya para raw may security sa employment, fix ang income at schedule, pati na rin may mga benefits siyang makukuha. Nang marinig ko 'yun, kinabahan ako. Feeling ko may iba pang dahilan. Kasi nakapag-try naman siya sa isang regular job dati pero mas gusto niya raw ang freelance kasi hawak niya ang oras niya at pwede siyang mamili ng mga projects na kukunin niya. Pero ngayon, nagbago na naman ang isip niya? I'm sure it's not just because of those.
I have a feeling he wants a fixed income and schedule because he's getting ready to . . . settle down.
But I couldn't ask him if it was the reason. I am not ready for his answer—kung 'yun nga 'yun. I decided to let it go and after that dinner, I tried to shut down all the voices that are making me question his decision. To keep me pre-occupied that night, I decided to draw. I grabbed my art materials and started drawing. I didn't have a particular idea in my mind, but I was surprised to find myself just flowing and ended up creating an image of a woman with a warped face.
Oops! Ang larawang ito ay hindi sumusunod sa aming mga alituntunin sa nilalaman. Upang magpatuloy sa pag-publish, subukan itong alisin o mag-upload ng bago.
Funny, because my subconscious fear showed up even during the time when I was trying to forget about it.
I needed a breather. That night, I sent a message to Jin, inviting him to ECD. I asked him if he's available last Saturday of June so we can come and I'll introduce him to the people. Mabilis siyang pumayag. Pinasahan ko siya ng mga dance practice outfits na pwede niyang pagpilian para komportable siya. Tuwang tuwa naman siya at pinagla-like lahat ng sinend ko.
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"'Yun oh, talagang ready ka na, ah," biro ko kay Jin nang magkita kami sa labas ng Seattle's Best, P.D. Naka-black sweatpants, grey baggy style cotton shirt at white shoes ang Jino Abella. He looks so different. Hindi ako sanay.
Lumapit siya sa'kin at sinabing, "You look nice." He was even smiling.
