I Would Hate To Be You

Chapter 34 [jan 14]

Chapter 34

Last June, when Guian shared to me about his unrequited love for Jasmine, my heart ached for him. I told myself it's scary to have that much love for someone. That it must be painful to look at someone so dearly knowing that the person will never look at you the same way.

I asked him that same night why he keeps on choosing to stay even when it hurts. What he said didn't make sense to me then. But now, it does. Guian was right. Walking out of someone's life is not as easy as how you got in. You carry so much with you in the process. You carry their joy, pain, happiness, frustration . . . everything. You embrace all these and they become yours.

That's what happened with me.

When it used to be just a simple crush, I was content with seeing him from afar. Rejoicing and cheering for him without his knowledge of my existence. And that was okay. It wasn't much but I was okay with that.

It was just a crush, anyway. And I usually get over it faster than the speed of light.

But . . . who would have thought that the heavens had different plans? That our paths were bound to cross each other. That we would have encounters, and share conversations and moments together?

Wala namang nag-akala na magiging malapit kami sa isa't-isa. Na magiging malaking parte ng buhay ko ang mga kaibigan niya—lalo na si Guian. Na makikilala ko ang pamilya niya at mapapamahal sila sa'kin.

Ni sa hinagap, hindi ko naman inakala na may bundok kaming aakyatin at susuungin—literal. Na may isang araw na magiging pabigat ako sa kaniya dahil sa injury ko. At sa araw na 'yun mas makikilala ko pala siya lalo bilang siya at hindi bilang Japheth na pinagmamasdan ko lang sa malayo.

I never thought we'd go to concerts together and enjoy each other's company without trying so hard. That even if our personalities don't match, we can work on our differences and enjoy our time together.

I never thought that we will share a lot of meals and drinks together, and have deep and meaningful conversations in between. That I'll spend time with him, his family and friends. That he will, too, with mine. That we'll share and teach each other our talents. That he could be someone I can show my vulnerable side—without the fear of being judged. That we can be there for each other, especially when we need it the most. That he could be someone who not only tolerates my quirks, but also likes them.

But honestly, Japheth is not the easiest person to be with. Guian was right when he said that he carries so much baggage. He is known for being so full of secrets. For being the person who keeps everything on his head and bottles up all of his emotions. He he has so much reservations. And he's so good at hiding them. Honestly, there are times when he makes it known to people that he has walls too thick and too high and he doesn't want anyone around, trying to break them for him. He pushes people away. And he's so good at being alone. To the point that it's so scary how much being alone has become home for him. Japheth is a good person. He's kind, loving and forgiving to everyone . . . except to himself.

Kuya Boaz once said that when you choose to love someone, there will come a time when you will see their hollow and rough edges. That there will come a time when you will bask in their flaws and see the parts of their being that are not beautiful—the parts they are not proud of.

And I've seen all of those. The good, the bad and the ugly. The parts of him that are full of light and those that are filled with darkness.

But if you truly, truly love that person, you will choose to forgive and overlook all of those because you know that they are more than what they lack.