I Would Hate To Be You

Chapter 49 [atm, sb]

Chapter 49

I am a creature of habit. I've always loved doing the same thing over and over again. Anything comfortable and familiar gives me a sense of security. And change of any kind terrifies the heck out of me.

If I go outside to eat, I could count on one hand the number of restaurants I will consider going to. And once I sit down, I wouldn't need to look at the menu because I know I'll just be fooling myself since I will only order the same thing I had the last time I went there. Because I already know what it tastes like. I already know what to expect once I have it. That's how it has always been. I don't like trying new dishes. And that's still so true up to this date. One proof is my dislike of Korean food. When we went to Sariwon last time, I starved myself because the smell of kimchi almost made me barf. I swore to myself that will be the second and last time I'll ever visit a Korean restaurant. I've had enough share of nightmare.

If I'm asked what I want to watch, it will only revolve around the TV series I have already binge-watched countless times. Or maybe the Japanese dramas and animes that Sash made me see before. Or probably Die Hard, Star Wars, and anything MCU. For as long as I have already watched them before. Because I already know the ending. Knowing what's ahead gives me a sense of security. I don't like surprises. And whenever I'm forced to watch new movies, I always ask people or research if it's a happy ending or not. That's why my friends are easily annoyed with me. It's a habit I couldn't get rid of from my system.

My quirks and the traditions I carry with me are still the same as that of many years ago. Like whenever I'm sad, a hot beverage will constantly be my go-to drink. I would never drink an iced cold coffee when I'm feeling down. It's like an unspoken swear I made with myself. Although I broke that last year during Guian's birthday because I was too proud to let someone know that I'm not okay. But putting that incident aside, I've always kept that promise true.

Every Valentine's day, I always expect to receive flowers from my Papa and Kuya Boaz. That had been the case ever since I was a little kid and never did they fail. Not even once. As for me, I always buy flowers for Mama, Ante Amelia, Sash, and Tita Gina. When I'm too busy to send them myself, I ask Hannah's father to send them for me since I buy from them.

Every 12:00 AM of August 24, Sash and I celebrate my birthday the Lily Aldrin way. No matter how tired and sleepy we are, we will still wake up during the unholiest hour just so she can greet me. Then, we will doze off like nothing happened. It's our quirk and we haven't let that go. Good God, I don't think we'll be able to forego that one.

And there are a lot more. A lot of things that I do out of habit, out of tradition, and out of familiarity. I succumb to all of these because I'm scared. Scared to death of doing something new. Of trying something different.

So, this . . . this decision of moving to Palawan is terrifying for me. It makes me anxious and worrisome. I have so many fears. What if I'm not cut out for a province life after all? What if I won't like the food that they have? I mean . . . it's not like it's a different country. But for sure, they have different viands there. What if it gets really lonely at times? What if I miss my family after a few days of staying there alone? Will I make friends there? Will people like me despite the fact that I'm very chatty and annoying?

I'm so . . . scared. And there were nights before when I cried myself to sleep because I'm terrified. Of the unknown. Of the things I know nothing about. Of the unfamiliar. Of the things that are uncertain. Of the things I don't have control of. But then Kuya Boaz's words of wisdom before spoke some sense into me. He said that we can't stop people and seasons from changing. That there will come a time when things around me will stop becoming the same and familiar and I will be forced to move forward. Because that's life. Dang, minsan talaga dapat hindi ko na lang kinakausap ang kapatid ko dahil puro may sense ang sinasabi niya sa'kin. He's not good at giving me false comfort just to ease me. He gives me words of wisdom that I can't just turn a blind eye to.