The frequent lurker

15.✰What is love?

I stood there with the piece of paper in my hands.
Even I don't know what I am feeling in this moment, it's a mix of various emotions.
Anger.
Sadness.
Disappointment.
Doubt?

This is why he knew me so well.
This is why he felt distant to me.
This is why I felt like he was hiding something from me.

I look around me blankly as my heart pounded, chills invading my body.

I feel terrible but I can't cry.
I feel angry but I can't scream.
It feels heavy on my heart and tight in my chest.

I exit the room, I grab my clothes from the floor, put them on and sit on his bed. I keep my eyes glued to the piece of paper.

Target: Kang Y/n

I kept reading it over and over again, as if I hoped to see that it was simply a product of my imagination. The more I looked at it, the more the need for explanation consumed me.

The door of the room burst open, revealing Jungkook's figure with just a towel around his waist.
Jungkook: I'm back
He says with a smile.
Me: go get dressed, we need to talk.
A simple sentence like this one, was enough to make the smile on his face disappear.

Jungkook: are you okay?
Me: i said we need to talk, go get dressed
He nods vulnerably, obeying what I said.

Not even a minute later, Jungkook comes out fully dressed, kneeling in front of me, showing worry in his eyes. I look at him dead in the eyes, unfathomably emotionless.
Jungkook: Y/n? You're worrying me, please tell me what's wrong
I place the piece of paper in front of him.

Me: Target Kang Y/n
I read the words of the letter for the millionth time, this time, out loud. I see the colours drain from his face.
Me: so I was just a target. You reached your goal, how do you feel?

-Jungkook's pov-

Me: where did you find this Y/n?
Y/n: stop trying to change topic and answer me, do you feel complete now? Are you happy? You made it!

She speaks through her gritted teeth, her venomous words melting away my heart...bit...by bit.
Me: Y/n, please i can explai-
Y/n: you don't have to explain shit. I saw everything.
She grabs my wrist, dragging me inside my closet, to that room.

Y/n: JUST, WHAT THE HELL IS THIS JEON JUNGKOOK? SO YOU WERE THE REASON WHY I WAS SO DAMN PARANOID! YOU WERE THE REASON WHY I WAS SCARED TO BE ALONE! I UNDERSTAND NOW!
She sniffles, her state slowly ripping my heart into pieces.
Y/n: I understand now...

She repeats in a lower tone.
Y/n: since we got together I haven't been feeling watched anymore. I knew you were too good to be true.
Me: Y/n...
I weakly call out for her, hoping she would give me a chance to explain myself.

The question she asked next, stabbed me like a dagger, making me feel as if the world just crushed on my shoulders.

Y/n: do you even love me Jungkook? Or are you just obsessed?
Tears started pouring from my eyes as my chest tightened in pain.
Me: Y/n how dare you!
I cried out, feeling more hurt than ever.
Me: are you really doubting my love for you?
Y/n: at this point yes I am
She looks at me as her eyes got teary.

Me: i can't believe you Y/n!
Y/n: that makes two of us. I can't believe this either.
Her defeated tone unmasks the strength in my body...
Me: i-i'm sorry
Her gaze sticks to burning the floor, not wanting to confront mine.