The frequent lurker

17.✰Forgive me

I walk inside the school with my head held low, so lost in my thoughts I didn't even know where I was getting on.
???: Y/n!
I turn around to face the voice.
Me: hi Tae!
He throws his arm around my shoulder.

Taehyung: are you better?
Me: yeah, thanks for asking.
Taehyung: aww what are friends for!
Suddenly, someone unexpectedly ran towards me.
Emma: oh my God, Y/n, are you okay?
I giggle before becoming serious once again.
Me: I am better than okay, and I don't need your fake concern, why would you think I'm not okay anyway?

Emma: I happened to hear your friends talking...
I scoff.
Me: you really can't quit meddling in my life huh? From now on, stop talking to me please, try to understand that I don't want to see you again. Toodles~

I twirl my fingers to her before walking away with Taehyung.
Taehyung: honestly, you scare me sometimes.
I chuckle.
Me: some people just deserve it...
Taehyung: I understand...

Once we reached the hallway, I automatically start looking around for Jungkook.
Taehyung: he's there
I follow the direction he was indicating, when I saw him I felt some type of way.
Taehyung: go talk to him

He places his hand on my back, leading me ahead. I look at him worriedly, receiving a reassuring smile and a nod from him. I take a deep breath before moving towards him.

Me: Jungkook-ah...
He simply but somehow ominously turns around, killing me in silence.
He leans against the locker, raising an eyebrow. I gulp down as guilt consumed me.
Me: i-i'm sorry for not letting you explain yesterday, I completely lost it but... I'm willing to listen to you now...
Jungkook: you may be willing to listen but I don't know if I'm willing to talk right now, Y/n

My eyes instantly tear up as my heart shattered, my stomach felt empty.
Jungkook: you have no idea of how much it hurt hearing you say that you were questioning if my love for you was genuine, anyway I am not in the mood to explain anything now, you should have listened to me when you had the chance
With that, he walked away.

I wasn't able to restrain my tears from falling, so I let them go.
Jisoo: hey Y/n— oh? Y/n? Why are you crying?
Without saying anything, I jump in her arms.
Me: he hates me Jisoo...
Jisoo: don't cry Y/n, I don't know what exactly happened between you two but I'm sure he doesn't, I think he's just angry, just let him be for a bit. When he gets angry he needs some time alone. Just let time be medicine.

............
The first period went by. Maths. The subject Jungkook and I take together. I failed to listen to a single thing the teacher would say. Jisoo told me to let time be medicine but to me, I believe I've overdosed. Poison. That's what it had turned into for me.

Why does it hurt thinking he can be okay without me?

Why do you need him to crave you?
Oh, come on y/n. Why do you ask questions of which you clearly know the answer to? It's because you're broken. It's because you know you've made a mistake... Because you knew you had promised to not leave him when he needed you. Because you were so caught up in the past you were blindly looking at the present and future.

You need him to desire you because you're in love with him. The thing about love is that it doesn't ask for anything back... But it sure appreciates it.
It hurt because he was right. It hurt because I should've let him explain when I had the chance. It hurt because I should've loved him harder when I had the chance. It hurt because I knew that throughout all those years he became my second shadow... I should've been there for him. I shouldn't have let him creep behind me... I should've kept him on my side.

I'm so sorry Jungkook...so sorry...

....
-English class-
The whole class was working on the assignment the teacher just gave us, except the students in the back of the class, none but the amazing trio.
Teacher: Jeon Jungkook, Park Jimin and Kim Taehyung, by all this talking I assume you've completed the assignment.
Jungkook: by all this complaining I assume you're single

-Jungkook's pov-
All the students in the class started laughing out loud while I sat there feeling the power.
Teacher: well, well Jeon Jungkook. did you do your homework, then?
Me: did you grade my test?
Teacher: I have other student's tests to grade
Me: I have other teacher's homework to do

I saw Y/n turn around and look at the teacher, waiting for her reaction.
Teacher: and where are your books?
Me: at home
Teacher: what are they doing there?
Me: having more fun than I am that's for sure.
Teacher: THAT'S IT DETENTION!
Me: dEtEnTiOn!
I mocked her as the class couldn't stop laughing. My eyes shift to Y/n and watch her laughing to tears. I smile, losing myself in the way she leaned against the wall while giggling uncontrollably.

But then reality hit me.
My smile slowly faded away, getting replaced with a feeling of pride, it not allowing me to show her she's the reason I smile every single moment. I'm so used to making her day, I would lose my mind if someone did it rather than me.

~Y/n's pov~
Placing my books inside the locker, I take a peek at Jungkook. He was laughing with Taehyung and Jimin. I feel like such a bad person. Why does part of me not want him to be happy without me? There I go again with questions to which the answers are highly apparent.

Y/n try to talk to him again!
No, you should wait until he's willing to talk.
What if you lose your chance?
What if he loses feeling for you?
...What if you lose him?

I start to hyperventilate, anxiety clasping hold of me.
No, you can't lose him!
No, no, NO you need to stay by his side you need him by your side!
You'll have no one, depression will take hold of you!
Y/n go to him!
Beg for forgiveness!
...beg

I see the room run in circles around me.

Boom

Oh, what do I do?!

I feel that I'm fallen on the floor, my consciousness parting ways with me...bit...by...bit

Black

All in sight is black.

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Hi guys! Hope you enjoyed this episode of The frequent lurker
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