The frequent lurker

19.✰Come back

-Y/n's pov-
The light hits my eyes soon enough becoming severely blinding.
The room starts to spin around me as I start to look...look for him.
Me: Jungkook?
I look around trying to comprehend where I was.
The nurse's office.
Me: Jungkook?
I call out for him once again, becoming sadly aware of the fact he wasn't there but still trying to deny it.

Me: but I swear he was here! I felt him! I know he was with me, i-i...
Unable to finish my sentence, I expectedly break down in tears, feeling unfulfilled, feeling blank without him next to me.

I need someone to tell me it's gonna be okay.
Tell me he won't leave me.
Tell me we'll be together again
Tell me I'll be able to hug him again, to kiss him again, have him in my arms, see his smile, hear his laughter, and drown in his voice...instead of my tears.
Me: PLEASE, PLEASE COME BACK JUNGKOOK-AH!
I scream my heart out, the pain becoming impossible to bear.
Me: Please...come back

I let out a deep breath and gulp down hard, almost not being able to breathe, feeling as if something was stuck in my throat. With shaky hands, I reach to wipe my tears before leaving the office.

I walk down the hall, seeing it empty.
I check the clock
Lunchtime
Taehyung: Y/n?
I turn around catching sight of Taehyung.
Taehyung: are you feeling any better?
Me: depends on what you're asking about.
Taehyung: do you have any idea where Jungkook is? I can't find him anywhere, and he was with you at the nurse's office.

I was right.
He was there with me.
Me: I- I can't take this anymore...
I rapidly turn back, unable to bear those tears, those well-known tears of acid.
I run.
Runaway.
From everything.
From everyone.
I leave for the bathroom...

I open the door, aggressively slamming it back shut. I carelessly sit on the floor, bringing my knees to my chest while sobbing my heart out.
Me: this is all my fault...why didn't you let him explain Y/n, WHY!?
I scolded myself.

Me: why did you doubt he loved you in the first place...
I speak between whimpers as my voice started becoming inaudible. The door of the bathroom flung open, someone came in.
Nancy: hello bitch— oh Y/n? What happened?

She crouches down at my level.
Nancy: Y/n, what's wrong?
Me: everything. Everything is wrong. I messed up Nancy, I hurt the one I loved
Nancy: Did something happen between you and Jungkook?
I nod.

Nancy: oh, come here
She sits next to me, placing her arm around my shoulder.
Me: And now? If this is the end what's the moral of the story?
Nancy: It can't be the end Y/n, arguments happen
Me: it's much more than you think, Nancy...
At this point, I stopped crying. I was numb.
The pain wasn't gone. I just wasn't able to feel it. I had turned into a blank, crumpled page.

Me: Loving him is probably the most beautiful form of self-destruction, I don't know what am I gonna do because if he leaves, nothing will ever be the same again, I feel like I was missing him even before we met and you know what's sad? Saying goodbye to someone you wished to spend your life with.
Nancy: dumbass you made me cry
She says wiping her tears away. I smile faintly.

Nancy: Y/n I'll probably never understand how you feel but it's gonna be okay, just give it some time
Me: you're the second person to say this today but that's exactly what I can't do when I see him I just want to jump in his arms like I always do, at least one last time if he really wants to let go, to be beside him once more, I swear that would be enough.

I eventually started crying again and lean my head on Nancy's shoulder, thinking about him turning around and walking away, farther and farther until his figure becomes invisible.
Nancy: oh Y/n...please don't think of the worst
Me: I'm not, I'm being real and I think that walking away while still being madly in love with him will be one of the hardest things I will have to face.