Tissues - Logicality AU

Ch. 26 - Revelations

Patton's p.o.v.
**TW: Mention of mental, physical, sexual abuse. Also a no-no word later on and abuse (sorry)

Today is the day before my wedding. Dan is off having a bachelor party with Remus and a few of his friends from the bar. I've decided to spend it with just myself and my thoughts. Besides, Roman and Virgil have been spending a bit too much time with me lately and less with each other. I don't want to be a stick in their relationship. 

I'm watching Steven Universe and I'm watching one of the old episodes. It's the one where Lapis confronts Jasper on their toxic fusion. For some reason, it hits close to home. I know their relationship was different than the relationship I have with Dan, it just...I don't know. What they had wasn't healthy and..what I have isn't healthy either. 

It all finally hit me. Like, really hit me this time. I've acknowledged it in the past, but it's really starting to process in my head. He doesn't love me in the right way. He wants me as his property or something. He guilt trips me on everything, and never apologizes. I've believed him so many times, but now...now I see clearly.

Most arguments I had a reasonable side to be angry or upset or confused. He just didn't listen and was so manipulative. I've always tried to be kind to him, and he knew. I think he knew and used that to his advantage. If I didn't listen, or stood my ground, he'd hurt me. Like hit me or punch me or grab me or--oh my god...

** He abused me. He's an abuser. I felt my breath stop as I kept realizing it more and more. 

When I finally would comply and "realize" it was my fault, he would never settle for just an apology. He'd make me do things I was never comfortable with. He'd never take no for an answer. He'd never respect my limits. He just kept taking and taking until there was nothing left. He...did he...r*pe me? 

I felt my stomach turn. I felt like I was gonna throw up. I couldn't breathe. I paused the tv and just felt the tears fall down my face. I held my head as I tried to breathe, but it didn't work. I felt like I was suffocating. How could I be so stupid? How did I not realize what he was doing to me?

I felt myself breaking apart and I just wanted someone to open my door and calm me down. Someone to tell me it was ok and I wasn't stupid and that it wasn't my fault and all these things I know are true but I just can't quite believe. 

....

But nobody came. 

∆

After a lot of crying I finally calmed down, but I didn't feel any better. I needed someone. I needed to end this relationship with Dan and finally be happy again. I sat up, feeling incredibly drained. I looked at the time and decided to try and catch Logan before his shift was over. 

I got up, grabbed my keys, walked out the door and drove to the grocery store. Now I'm not one for breaking the law, but I did speed. The first time I met him it was around this time, and he was leaving. I couldn't help but smile as I recalled my first impression of him. He was tall and seemed like he'd be intimidating, but he was welcoming and kind in his own way. He's formal and treats me better than Dan ever would. 

I finally parked and jumped out of the car. I ran across the parking lot and ran through the doors. I went down the isles until I got to the checkout. I look around only to see his co-worker scanning an old woman's items. I frowned, knowing he was gone. 

Suddenly, I heard the automatic doors open and I heard Dan's voice. I ran to hide behind one of the isles and I could only see his face and the top of someone's head. I stood on my tip toes and saw that it was Remus. I made sure to be quiet as I listened to them.