(Magnus Haven #4) Hope Not (COMPLETED)

Prologue

"Nandito na tayo," Ruru murmured beside me.

Nakatulala lang ako buong byahe namin. Gamit ang rearview mirror ng kotse niya, nilingon ko ang nananahimik na gitara sa likuran naming dalawa. I closed my eyes and asked why the hell I agreed to bring this to her.

Nandito na uli ako.

Lumipas na ang lahat, nahulog na ang mga dating kayganda na dahon sa puno, naapakan na lang ng lahat sa bawat hakbang na ginagawa.

Naunang bumaba si Ruru at kinuha ang gitara mula sa likuran ng kotse. Kung hindi niya kinatok ang bintana sa tabi ko, hindi pa ako bababa.

Agad din akong nagsisi nang lumabas na ako mula sa loob. Yes, the scorching sun is unforgivable since it's afternoon but the feeling.. the memories.. the aura.. the ambiance is unforgivable.

I tried my best not to brim my eyes with tears but the emotions was just too much that I can't help but to lean on the car door, lowering my neck so no one can see me crying.

But Ruru being Ruru, he immediately heard me and find me here, crying because of something.

"Kung alam ko lang na iiyak ka lang pala, sana hindi na kita inaya na sumama sa akin, 'no?" I know he's just trying to light my mood but how could I be okay when this street is full of memories of my youth?

I tried to comfort myself, telling that I'll really be okay. This is just a street, a street couldn't hurt me. Memories, can do it for me.

He gave me his handkerchief and I used that to wipe my eyes. "Let's just deliver the guitar," I said.

He's looking at me now, regretting what he asked last night. But it's okay. Saglit lang naman ito.

He grabbed the guitar after. Iniwan namin ang kotse sa isang gilid at nagsimula na maglakad sa pagpapadalhan.

Yakap-yakap ko ang sarili habang binabaybay namin ang daan na minsan ay ginawa kong palaruan. Kahit saan ako tumingin, kahit ang daming nagbago, bumabalik pa rin lahat ng mga nangyari noon.

I could still recall my laugh, my cries, my screams, everything. I could still recall his innocent face, his small eyes, his weird haircut, I'm dodging that memories for how many years yet it's still here.

I wish someone could invent a thing that will completely remove these painful memories in mind. I don't mind the price, I want to get rid all these memories.

"Dito na ata," Ruru said and stopped from walking.

I did the sane thing and looked at the small house in front of me. Napasapo ako sa bibig, trying to stop myself from getting emotional again.

I knew this will be a bad idea for me.. but the heart really knows what it wants.

"Tawagan ko lang siya," he said and looked at me.

"I'm okay.." I said when worry showered his whole face. "Okay lang ako, promise.." I even raised my hand, telling him that I'm stating the truth.

Pero hindi naman talaga.

Nang kuhanin ko ang gitara mula sa kaniya, gusto ko na lang yakapin ito. Kahit alam ko kung kanino ito, alam ko na mapupunta sa kaniya ito. Wala namang hilig si Yanna sa pagtugtog.

I smiled upon remembering every scenes from our past. But that smile immediately vanished when I recall the painful part.

Did I do something from my past life to deserve this life?

Why is it so bullshit on me? On him?

"If that guitar's a person, he'll immediately fell in love with you," mahina niyang sabi sa akin.

I was taken a back to what I heard. I know he's saying that again, to make me smile and I thanked him for that. I looked at the guitar, asking the wind to blew my words into where he is currently now.

'I hope you're okay.. I hope you're okay with someone else now.. Please, don't forget me.. That's the only thing I could ask for, please don't remove me in your memory.. that's enough for me, Louise.. You deserve someone better now, but I hope not you won't really forget me.. The girl who once loved you so much, rather than her life..' I whispered.

"She's here.." Kinuha niya ang gitara sa akin at humarap sa bahay. Patuloy lang na umaagos ang mga luha sa mata ko kasabay ng pagbukas ng pintuan ng bahay.

Isa na lang ang hiling ko sa araw na 'to, gusto ko siyang makita pero wala na akong mukhang mapapakita sa kaniya… If he's here, I'll smile as if nothing has happened.. I'd hide what I truly feel..

But no..

"Oh! Iyong gitara!" Her sweet voice filled the whole area as she opened the gate and grabbed the guitar she'll surely give to Louise.

"That's brand new! I'm one hundred percent sure to that.." Pinapakinggan ko lang sila na mag-usap hanggang magbayad siya kay Ruru.

Napatingin ako sa bahay uli, seeing her husband from their doorway. "Honey, nandito na regalo natin kay Louise! Salamat nga pala, ano na uli pangalan mo?"

"Ruru.." Masayang sabi niya sa kausap.

Yakap-yakap ko ang sarili, kagat ang labi para pigilan ang paghikbi ko. "Thank you talaga rito, ah? My brother will surely love this! Thank you Ruru and.." she peeked at my side and her face changed.

I watched her face fell down upon seeing me.. I smiled... Not minding the animosity from her eyes. Naiintindihan ko naman iyon.. Naiintindihan ko naman kung saan siya nangagaling…

She saw me at my worst… And I don't want her to see me at my worst again. "Yanna…" I murmured to myself.

I'm waiting for her to call me by my name again but she acted like she didn't see me behind Ruru. She thanked my friend and say goodbye. That was enough to break my heart into million pieces.

I don't want it to be complete again.. I'm okay being wreck like this.

"Tara na.." He held me in my arms, asking me to go with him, leave the house behind me.

The wind is warm, my heart is ruined. I made one last look at them, seeing them watching us go away in front of their old house. I smiled, again and closed my eyes. "I'm sorry.." I said a thousand times. Hoping them to accept my apologies after all these years.