Marvel One Shots

•opposite of hatred•

"you mean nothing to me."
the words stopped steve's heart.
"wh- what?"
bucky didn't mean it of course. steve meant everything to him, but this was for the best.
"i pitied you. you had no friends, so i tried to help." his own heart broke as steve's eyes widened. his blue eyes shined with the wetness of unshed tears. "did you really think i cared about you?" he scoffed to cover the sound of his voice breaking.
"you don't mean that." steve's determination reflected in his voice. it always did.
"yes. i do. i hate you." he wanted to tell steve how he really felt, which was the exact opposite of hatred. but he wasn't supposed to feel that way. not towards steve. "leave."
"you..." steve took a shaky breath. bucky watched cautiously, waiting for a possible asthma attack. "i'm sorry, buck." he ran out the door.
the second he heard it slam close, he broke. his heart felt like someone had ripped it in half. his throat was on fire as he sobbed into the empty room.
"i'm so sorry, stevie..."
maybe he was sick. liking boys was an illness. and he did feel sick. he could feel the-
he ran to the bathroom.

leaning back from the toilet, he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. now his throat was burning more.
he thought of steve's pain filled eyes. of the laughs they'd never share again.
"time to let go, bucky. he deserves to be happy. this will be okay eventually. he needs a best friend that doesn't have something wrong with him."
he wanted to cry. the pain was unbearable. yet, he couldn't. it hurt even more when he thought about steve with a girl.
"i deserve this." he leaned back over the toilet as his food rises again. "i deserve this. i deserve this."