Marvel One Shots

•willow + peter• *part 4*

—> three hours later<—
"peter parker?"
he whipped my head up, standing. "is she okay? she's alive, right?" the nurse smiled sadly at him. he looked like he was about to throw up. "did she die?"
the nurse shook her head. "no, but, come with me." so he followed the nurse to willow's room. on the way, she told him, "willow is in bad condition. we did all we can, but i think she may pass sometime today. you can stay until she does."
"what? what do you mean? she's going to die? aren't you guys supposed to save people?" he thought of tony's arc reactor fading out, quinten's blank eyes, the gun shot wound in uncle ben's chest.
"we do what we can. there's no way we can bring her back."
they stopped outside the door and peter didn't wait for permission as he opened it and walked in.
willow was hooked up to several machines. she had iv's in both arms and an oxygen mask over her mouth. she opened her eyes to see him.
he started bawling as he grabbed her hand and leaned over her. "please. you can do this. fight harder willow."
she shook her head. "i'm dying, pete. my organs are failing." she squeezed his hand. "it's okay."
"i love you, willow jane."
"i love you, peter benjamin."
her eyes closed, and they didn't open again.
—>six months later<—
*peters pov*
i looked at the seat willow used to sit in, my heart dropping as i pictured her sitting her.
she'd probably be playing with the end of her hair, her pencil in her mouth. she'd glance at me and smile as soon as i blew a kiss.
i looked away, back at my paper.
i didn't know what any of it meant. i hadn't been studying since she, died. i didn't care: what would i need it for?
"parker, are you okay?" the teacher interrupted my thoughts.
i realized i was crying. "i," i glanced at the empty seat again. "can i go to the bathroom?"
she nodded, so i ran from the room. the bathroom was empty when i got there. my sadness turned to anger and i punched the wall.
willow was gone. she was never coming back. and it was all my fault. i'd saved even more people since she passed. maybe it would make up for her.
i looked into the mirror. my eyes were red and puffy. i had bags under my eyes. "i miss you, willow." my shoulders fell.
"peter?" ned walked in to the bathroom. i wiped my face. "are you okay?"
"i miss willow."
"peter... it's been six months."
"i love her. i can't just let her go."
"peter, she's gone. you have no other choice."
"i don't want to live without her." i pictured her in a wedding dress, i wondered what our kids would've looked like, i pictured her meeting the avengers, i wondered how she'd react. i wanted to own dogs with her. but i never would. "it's hard to think that when i get married, it's not going to be to her. she's who i wanted it to be."
"peter, i think you should talk to someone."
"i'm talking to you."
"a therapist, peter."
"right."
that night, aunt may made an appointment with someone happy had recommended.
—>three days later<—
i skipped last period to go to therapy. i was anxious. i hadn't talked to a therapist since my parents died and i moved in with aunt may and uncle ben.
i sat in a dark green chair, facing a lady with a notepad. "hello peter."
"hi."
"how are you today?"
"i'm... okay."
"just okay?"
"well there's some stuff going on."
"so i've heard." she crossed her legs. "would you like to tell me about it?"
"well, um, i'm not sure if you saw it on the news or not, but i'm spider-man."
"yes, i saw that. so that's what's been going on?"
i looked at my feet. i had bought these shoes the day i went to the mall with willow. i hadn't realized these were the ones i wore. "i save a lot of people. i've been helping people for a long time. but i never save the people who are most important to me."
"so, you've lost many loved ones?"
i flinched and nodded. my stomach lurched. "i lost my parents when i was a little kid. i miss them, but that wasn't that bad since i hadn't really known them that long. and i had my aunt may and uncle ben. and then my uncle ben died. he was shot, right after i got my powers. i don't know who it was, no one does, but they say he died instantly." i took a shaky breath, "and mr. stark. he, i was the reason he died. he only decided to risk his life after i turned to dust. if he hadn't done that, he'd still be here. then i trusted a man named quinten beck, who released my identity. he wasn't a hero, not a friend. but i trusted him a lot and he had helped me move on from tony's death more than i already had. i was there when he died."
"that's a lot to handle at such a young age."
"there's more," i choked out. "well, one more." i brought my legs up, putting my head on my knees. i wanted to leave, to never come back. but if i wanted her help, i had to tell her why i was there. "my girlfriend. she, died. it was all my fault. i tried to help, but i was too slow. i lost her. i miss her so much."
"how long ago was that?"
"six months."
"have you moved on at all?"
i shook my head, "no. i can't. she was my everything. she's who i wanted to spend my life with."
"how long were you together?"
"she died two days before our six month."
"so not long?"
"n- n- no."
"peter, it's okay. i'm sure she would want you to find love again." her voice was genuine.
i leaned back. "i could never love anyone like i love her."
"you can't ever love anyone like you love someone else. all love is different."
"but no one is as amazing as her. she is, well was gorgeous and funny. and so, so smart. she was so nice to everyone, even if they didn't deserve it and selfless. god, was she selfless. she deserved to live a long life. more than anyone."
"tell me about her."
i grinned. "she wanted to be a teacher. she loved kids, said she wanted six of them. that sounded insane to me, but i would do it for her. she'd be a great mom. she loves everyone so much." i thought of her smile, her bright eyes. "she was always laughing, or making other people laugh. she loved the avengers, who i was going to take her to meet a couple weeks after that. which didn't work out, of course." i saddened.
"hey, don't spiral down like that. stay positive. tell me why you love her, then we can talk about the negative things if you feel like you have to."
i nodded. "could i, look at my pictures of her?"
"whatever you need."
i went to my photos on my phone. i still had our pictures saved. i chuckled softly as i saw us swimming. she was on my shoulders, smiling down at me. "she loved swimming. she loved school, or at least learning. everyone loved her. she was just, amazing."
"she sounds amazing. i see why you love her." i showed her a picture of us. "you guys are cute, and she is gorgeous. i see why you can't let her go. but you have to. that's what she wants, trust me."
"when i picture my future, she's still who i see. who i marry, who has my kids, who lies in my bed."
"i understand, peter."
i turned my phone off. my heart dropped as i told her, "i miss her so much. i wish i could've saved her. i'd do anything for her to be here right now."
——
it took me another month to stop daydreaming about a future that would never happen.
it took me two months to stop looking at her empty seat and crying in class.
it took me three months until i started going back to places we hung out.
it took four months until i went to see her parents.
it took five months to print off our pictures and put them in a real photo album. then i put it in the back of my closet and deleted all of them off my phone.
it took me six months to be able to say that i could allow myself to like someone else.
it took me seven months to talk to anyone that wasn't ned or mj.
it took me eight months to start studying again.
it took me nine months to be able to say that i was finally okay without her.
it took me ten months to be able to say that i still loved her, but i knew she was gone.
it took me eleven months to go to her grave and talk to her that way.
it took me a year to go on a date with another girl.

and i was okay now. i still loved and missed willow. but i had other people now. i still talked to my therapist and probably would continue talking to her for a while.
it got hard sometimes, when people asked me about it or mentioned a story that included her. but i was handling it better. i only cried on the really bad days, and never in school.