Marvel One Shots

insecure bucky. (stucky)

"hey, cap. come here," tony motioned for steve.
bucky held in a sigh as steve patted his thigh and stood up. bucky watched steve. he watched his boyfriend talking to the original avengers team. they laughed. steve looked happy. happier than he was with bucky.
maybe this was a mistake. maybe bucky should've ran after steve found him. he should leave now. steve was better without him. he's never be the bucky steve wanted.
bucky felt his heart speeding up. his lip started quivering, his eyes watering. he was scared, more than scared. he was going to lose steve, for real this time.
he wouldn't want bucky. he probably didn't now. he was just being nice, being the hero. like always. bucky has never deserved him, but definitely not now.
he looked at steve again. he tried to catch his eye. if steve wanted him here, he'd look at him. he'd send a small smile his way. like he did in bucky's memories.
but he didn't. he just kept talking, waving his hands with his joke. they all laughed and nodded along.
bucky stood up, heading to the bathroom. he felt sick. so sick. and he needed a drink. maybe a cigarette. he couldn't remember what had ever helped him calm down BEFORE.
but then he remembered: girls.
suddenly, peter was in front of him. "mr. barnes, are you okay?"
bucky slowly blinked. then nodded. "yeah, yeah. 'course i am, pete. i've just gotta use the... bathroom," he motioned to the door weakly.
peter beamed, bouncing up and down. "alright then!" then he took off, slamming into tony's back. bucky smiled softly before he saw steve.
steve finally glanced at him, with the small smile he was hoping for. he raised his hand, probably to motion for bucky to join them. bucky looked away, like he hadn't seen at all.
he locked the bathroom door behind him, slowly sliding down it. he looked around the room. it was in stark's tower, so every room was beyond anything bucky had ever wanted for himself.
he looked at the bathroom window. it was high. high enough not to land safely, but low enough he would survive. he sighed.
how long would it be until steve realized it was time to move on? was he only dating bucky because he pitied him? bucky pulled his knees to his chest, digging his eyes into them. 'steve, steve, steve,' he thought.
he heard a knock. "buck, you alright in there?"
he opened his mouth to say yes, he was fine. but the only thing that came out was a choked sob. he put his hand to his mouth.
another knock, this one hit the door harder. "buck, let me in. what's wrong?"
"go- go away, steve," he choked.
he heard another knock, but it sounded different. bucky knew it was steve leaning his head against the door. "c'mon. is it because i left to talk to the other guys? you could've came over, too. we were just joking around with each other."
he wanted to believe it. he wanted to believe that he could've went over, but he knew he couldn't. the other heroes hated him. they pretended not to, but he saw the glares when steve wasn't looking. bucky noticed the silence when he walked into the room. a part of him thought that it was him they were laughing at together. it probably was.
he pulled the top of his shirt up and wiped his eyes. then he stood and unlocked the door. steve immediately walked in, shutting it behind him. when he looked at bucky, he paused, mouth open. "are you... crying?"
bucky looked away, then shrugged. "doesn't matter, stevie."
steve reached for his hand. without thinking, bucky flinched away. steve stared at his own hand before letting it fall. "did i do something? you can tell me."
bucky scoffed. "when are you just going to admit it? you don't want me here. you never have."
"bucky, what are you talking about?"
bucky shook his head. he felt his eyes watering again. "I'M NOT THE SAME BUCKY, STEVE."
steve stepped forward. "it's okay. really."
bucky stepped back, looking up at his boyfriend again. "you want the bucky you used to know. you want the bucky who took girls on dates to science conventions, but that's not me. it's not going to be ever again. don't you get that?!"
steve nodded slowly. "of course i do. i know things aren't the same, but i don't care. i just want bucky, no matter what bucky it is."
bucky straightened his back, so now they were eye-to-eye. then he raised his metal arm. "even this bucky? you want the bucky who killed your friend's parents? you want the winter soldier? because that's bucky, too, steve. that's the bucky i still am. all it takes is a couple words."
"shuri took that out. you're okay now."
bucky stepped to the side. "i can't do this anymore, steve. i'm fine without you, and you're better off without me. i saw how happy you looked with them. i can never make you that happy. not anymore, at least." he stepped forward.
steve grabbed his arm. "bucky, PLEASE. i want you to stay. i need you. YOU make me happy. please don't leave."
bucky felt his heart break. he bit the corners of his lips. "just let me go, steve."
"no. absolutely not. the last time i let you go, it ruined everything. i'm not losing you again."
bucky sighed, then he turned back. he lightly kissed steve. "bye, steve. i'll be okay. you don't have to pretend you want me anymore." he turned to walk out again. but this time, steve was too shocked to stop him.
as the bathroom door closed again, steve fell against the sink. he broke down into an ugly fit. he hadn't cried this hard since bucky fell from the train. he just lost him again. and he was sure it was his fault again. he hadn't appreciated bucky enough. he LOVED bucky, but he never told him. not as much as he should have.
he looked into the mirror, trying to ignore the way his nose wrinkled every time a cry escaped his lips. "i just want you, bucky."

he wiped his face, hitting it with water. when he was sure he didn't look like he'd been crying anymore, he walked out. the sight he saw only made him cry harder.
bucky was kissing someone else. a girl. with dark hair and a nice body.
steve realized then that bucky hadn't left only bc he didn't want steve anymore. he just wanted someone else. someone BETTER.