Marvel One Shots

•stucky-parents• *part 5*

*july 4, 2022*
~continued~
bruce tried to open the door, steve could hear the doorknob jingle. he struggled to open his eyes. he couldn't breathe. he whimpered and then inhaled as deeply as he could. he knew how much air he would lose by exhaling but he still did it to tell for bruce to run.
"please. get them out of here." bucky's arm tightened.
steve tried to relax as bruce's footsteps faded. he tried to see bucky in the eyes of the man in front of him.
he couldn't believe this was his husband, his babies' dad. and about to be his killer. the worst part was knowing how hurt bucky would be once he was gone.
steve stopped resisting to run a finger down bucky's cheek. he looked so young, even with all he'd been through. "don't do anything stupid until i get back."
bucky froze but steve didn't notice as he accepted the darkness. he was out by the time bucky dropped him on the ground.
and now it really was bucky.
"steve? steve? please no." his voice broke as he glared at his metal arm. he could see his handprint around steve's neck. he reached over and felt for a pulse. faint, but there.
he stood scrambling for his phone. this was just like when he got home from school and went to steve's, only to find him barely breathing and a faint pulse. at least then, it wasn't his fault.
he still wasn't crying. it hadn't hit him yet. not really. "uh, hello. yes. my husband- he," he choked, "he was, never mind. he's fine." he quickly hung up and dialed another number.
"strange?"
"mhm."
"strange. i need your help. i, i- steve. he's dying."
"what? what's the problem? is there a lot of blood?"
"no. no blood." bucky felt his heartbeat speed up. he could feel steve'a throat under his fingers. "choked."
"i'm here." bucky hung up when strange showed up with one of his portals.
he sat beside steve and ran a finger across the marks. "what happened?"
bucky squeezed his eyes shut. "i, i-" he ran to the bathroom, bile rising through his body. he was still over the toilet as he told strange what he could remember. "someone said them. in my head. they were trying to make me kill steve." he lowered his voice and felt his heart sank, "and i did."
he wiped his mouth and walked out. "will he be okay?"
strange nodded. "he'll be fine. he's still alive, just unconscious. probably shock once his body realized what happened."
his heart sank more. "and the babies?"
"bruce had them at the tower."
bucky nodded. "i think i should go."
"no. stay with steve."
bucky looked at him. the love of his life. the man he'd always wanted to be his. and once he was, bucky fucked it up. like always. his shoulders began to shake as he shook his head.
"i have to be away from them. i can't hurt them. if i would've done something to the twins..." he thought about what his life would be like without his three most important people. "tell them i love them."
"barnes, no."
but bucky already left.
——
strange helped steve, taking over an hour. half of the avengers were there, trying to help strange or distracting the twins. the other half was searching for bucky, but they had no clue where to go.
steve sat up slowly. he looked around at everyone. "i'm alive?"
"you didn't think you wouldn't be?"
steve shook his head then looked around again. "where are the twins?"
"downstairs."
steve knew the answer but he asked anyway. "is bucky with them?"
strange wiped his hands with a towel. "he ran. he called me and then said he had to leave. he said he didn't want to end up hurting you guys again."
"we have people out looking for him."
"who?"
"tony, peter, thor, scott-"
steve cut them off. "how long has he been gone?"
"over an hour."
"probably like seventy-five minutes."
steve looked at the ground. if they didn't find him, could he live without bucky? he would have to.
what if they find him and it happens again? what if he can't stop him this time?
"barnes told me to tell you he loves you. and the twins."
"it was really him?" steve could only see the vacant eyes. how had he stopped?
strange nodded. "yeah. it was." he looked at his hands. "when he was telling me what happened, he puked a lot. i think he knew what he was doing, but he couldn't stop."
steve felt his heart break. his voice broke, "can i help look for him? i have some ideas."
they glanced at each other.
steve thought of bucky's smile, of the love in his eyes when they looked at each other, the times he played with their twins. "please let me find him," he pleaded.
"no need, rogers. we have him." tony came through the window in his suit, carrying bucky.
bucky didn't move from where tony released him. he just stared at steve, his neck where his arm- he needed to vomit again.
steve watched him cautiously. he didn't know what to do. his husband had just tried to kill him. but it wasn't really him...
steve stood, reaching for bucky. "you're back." he was crying but ignored the tears on his cheeks to grab bucky. he pulled him into a hug, but bucky didn't hug back. "bucky?"
they pulled apart and bucky flexed the fingers on his metal hand, staring at them. "what are you doing, steve?"
"what?" steve tried to reach for bucky again, who shook his head and stepped away.
"i just tried to," his voice cracked. and he looked up, then yelled. "i just tried to fucking kill you! my arm, jesus fuck, steve. you were just going to let me-"
steve grabbed him, despite his resistance. "it wasn't you, bucky."
"then how can i remember doing it? i can feel my arm around your-"
"i'm okay now. i'm alive. our babies are okay."
"what if i wouldn't have stopped, steve?"
"you would have."
"you don't KNOW that!"
"how'd you remember then?" steve leaned back, crossing his arms. his face was set.
"you said- i remembered." bucky squeezed his eyes shut. "don't do anything stupid until i get back."
steve kissed him. "i love you, bucky. nothing will ever change that. i can't live without you, so please don't leave again."
bucky pulled him closer, but only with his flesh arm. "what if i do it again? what if whoever it was gets into my head again? what if i hurt brooklyn and freddie?" his heart broke again and againat the thought.
"you won't, buck." steve grabbed his cheeks, making bucky look into his eyes. "we need you. it'll be okay. it wasn't your fault."
bucky began crying onto steve's shoulder. "i'd protect you all from anything. you're the loves of my life. but if i'm the one person i can't protect you from, then i have to leave."
steve kissed his forehead. his nose. his cheeks. his chin. his lips. "don't leave me."
"steve..."
they didn't realize everyone was gone until tony and bruce were back. they were each carrying a baby. both were handed to bucky.
bucky was extra careful with freddie, who was sitting on his metal arm.
"i love you both." he looked at steve. "and i love you, too. so let me go. you'll be better off without me."
"no we won't."
freddie opened and closed his mouth against bucky's bicep. brooklyn grabbed his fingers.
"da." brooklyn looked at him. then pointed to steve, to the best of her ability, and said it again. "da."
their hearts stopped. she was talking. "brookie. you just talked," bucky beamed, making her clap.
freddie still had his mouth to bucky's arm as he mumbled, bub."
steve grinned. "stay buck. please."
so bucky stayed.
he couldn't leave them. not after that.
but he stayed in a separate room and never let steve leave him alone with the twins. he tried to only use his flesh arm and to take medication that cleared his head before doing anything that might trigger another episode.
sometimes he didn't kiss steve back, and sometimes he wouldn't talk to the babies. but they all knew he loved them. he just needed time.
so they stayed patient.

they would be with him 'til the end of the line.