Marvel One Shots

stucky- admitting feelings.

*bucky's pov*

i watched steve interacting with everyone else while i just sat on the couch.
it was tony's party, so i had alcohol in my hand. what it was, i didn't know, but it was a distraction. that's all i needed.
tony came and sat beside me, but i didn't pay attention to him. "hey, barnes?"
i traced the top of my bottle with my thumb. "yeah?"
"i know we aren't close, not after... well everything, i guess. but," he sighed, "are you alright?"
"yeah. why wouldn't i be?" i looked at him now.
he genuinely looked concern. "i see how you're watching steve."
i shrugged, "i don't know anyone else."
"doesn't seem like you want to either."
i whipped my head back when i heard steve laughing. natasha was talking to him and i felt a pang in my chest. at least he was happy. "no one here is ever going to actually want to know me. they only forgave me so you could have steve back. i know that. even if he doesn't."
"he cares about you a lot, you know."
i looked at tony again, "obviously. we were best friends for years."
"i don't think it's like that, barnes. he's always looking out for you." he sighed again. "i'm not supposed to tell you this. hell, i'm not even supposed to know any of it. but, he used to scream for you in the night. dreams, i think. but he's never done that for anyone else."
"come on, tony. don't do this."
"i'm not doing anything."
i took another drink. "he's not even gay, tony. he's into girls, and only girls. it doesn't matter how much i care for him."
"he's staring at you now," tony tapped my leg.
i looked at steve, who was in fact looking at me. he smiled and i couldn't help but grin back. he started walking over, so tony stood and left.
i took another drink. "hey, stevie."
"hey, buck. you doing okay?"
i nodded.
he sat beside me, our thighs touching. i moved away an inch, and i saw his face fall. "what's going on, pal?"
i choked out, "nothing," but all i could think was PAL, PAL, PAL.
"bucky, really. you can tell me."
i looked around. no one was watching us; we were surrounded by people but still alone. "what's the point of me staying here, steve?"
"what are you talking about? where else would you go?"
i shrugged. "i don't know. it's just, no one wants me here. they only 'forgave' me so you'd join their team again."
steve touched my thigh with his hand, so i stared at it. all i could focus on was the fact that my feelings for steve had never disappeared. "I want you here, buck. do you think i don't?"
i stood up. i couldn't handle being this close to him. i couldn't hold him like i used to without everyone watching us and judging. i looked at him. his eyes were wide, hopeful; i had to look away. "i think maybe it's time for me to get my own place again. i hate being an intrud-"
"bucky, no. you need to stay here. i don't want you to leave!"
"steve, come on. why can't i? we're not kids anymore, we don't have to be together every second."
i finally looked back at steve. he was staring at the ground. "i want you to stay. i know i can't make you, but can't you?" he looked back up at me. "maybe i could come with you?"
living alone with steve made my heart rush, but it wasn't supposed to. i shook my head. "i'm sorry, steve. i just don't think it's a good idea." then, i walked upstairs to my room.