Notes to self

fuck this story

fuck even if I were to tell the story where would I even start do I start when you kissed me that night do I start the first night I met you and didn't even acknowledge your existence do I start with the first time we called it quits or the second or the third or the fourth and so on lol if I were to tell the whole story I might write a goddamn book with all the trails and trials but hey ya know this all happened in the span of a year so I guess this is where it starts fuck summer has begun and its may of last year my bestfriend had asked me if I was down to hang out with her and her guy friends I said hell yea being the adrenal junky I am always down for an adventure to try something new so they pull up to my apartment an walk out and I get into a random guys car he was the driver didnt really care was just worried about what we were gonna do and how we were gonna do it we decide to get some beer and smoke and drive first things first how are we gonna get the alcohol we are all underage so we find someone who is older than us to get the beer just at the last minute before everything closes we get out alcohol and boom the night starts we ALL start drinking even the drive I do not condone but  back then I didn't care about that shit I was just tryna have fun anyway we are all drinking and blasting music throwing beers out the window lol all bad kid shit  probably gonna down 100 miles and hour down an empty street one thing I cant forget about that night is actually a couple things I cant forget first things first the first red flag we were driving down the street and his friends dared him to crash the car I SWEAR TO GOD I cant make this shit up so you know what he did he sped the car up who knows how many mph honestly and he said "I wont" with a smirk on his face not scared at all meanwhile im in the backseat laughing but really scared in my head so he still speeding and right before we hit a car he stops also when it was time to go that night me and my bff were just gonna walk home from where ever we were fuvkedddddd up and he said no he doesn't want us walking home alone so he took us home wow what I gentlemen lol so that was the first time I met him thinking I would never see him ever again cause I didn't even catch him name that night fuck this is a long story but im telling it for myself and because it almost feels unreal  but this is all true so fuck he kept coming around after that night like all the time o always saw him so fuck since we were always seeing each other we kinda became friends but not really more like associates  so fuck that's how I knew him during the summer as an associate and as my plug casue he threw amazing deals amazing I tell  you so I kinda though he was cute but had no intention of pursuing him cause I had a whole other crush  so fuck skip summer its school time we have became a  bit close you could call us friends now I would say but not bffs or anything just someone to chill with fuck so school I began skipping school a lot and ya know he liked to skip too so if he likes to skip and I like to skip lets skip together butttttttttt we went to 2 different schools actually different school districts so we started skipping together and just smoking and blah blah blah this is a long ass story bro ill finnish it I swear lol cause this story just started not even close to where we got to where were are today .basically I'm just gonna sum up the story cause like I said fuck this story he kissed me at an little kickback whatever blah blah blah started talking ig if you could even call it that. Didn't work ummmmm a lot this went on for months ended when quarantine time was around lol ummmmmm yea and now we idk what we are we friends but not really because hell Is about to enter me lol ig let me update this sorry for me it is now November that the other half was written in June we are now dating cause I told him we were i don't really remember how we got back together it just happened I couldn't stay away ig neither could he ? But I remember I apologize to him for always trippin on him and bringing up old stuff he forgave me and irk how we started fucking around again but it led to a relationship we have been dating for about a month this is my first relationship ever I think I'm very connected to him cause I lost my virginity to him and because he makes me feel different than everyone else does in good and bad ways but I take his good with his bad cause nobody's perfect
Written in 2020
Updated :2024 December
What if I updated this story 5 years later :
So  I don't have the best memory cause so much has happen in between  4 years  this is gonna be a insane update ngl I met him at 16 we are now 21 and 23  soooooo from where I left off

We were happy for a couple month but I eventually  I caught him texting other girls sexual things and he gave me my first panic attack that day I will never forget and that's the first time I ever put my hands on someone and I still feel really bad about it and  I tried to ignore int for a long time but it really got to me so I stoped caring about our relationship as much after that  and I think he noticed eventually he "caught" me smoking with my coworker at 3 am and he didn't like and and he told me to block him on everything and I said no and we argued for a minute and eventually, ended up, putting his hands on me and it was just a bad night in all, I broke up with him for that, but I know he felt really bad about it and he tried to make up for it for a long time, but while he was apologizing for putting his hands on me, he put his hands on me so that really solidified it in my mind that we weren't gonna be together so we broke up officially he chased me for a year did anything in everything I asked always got me flowers bought me food like I said whatever I asked I think I was we were 18 and 19 around this time. I let him do whatever for me, but I always let him know. that I wasn't gonna take him back. and I did mean that for a long time but I think sometimes I would still kiss him and of course I'd still flirt with him because only guy I've ever been with to this day at 21 years old unfortunately and he he would threaten any other guy who tried to be with me or who flirted with me.  I really don't remember. What happened. The next part I remember is I started liking his friend Levy but he wasn't just his friend. I didn't meet him through Zac. I met him through my old best friend but he just so happened to be friends with Zac. Yeah started messing with Levy for a little  did not talk to Zac for about a year. Zac got a girlfriend Zac decided to text me about a month into his relationship that he has a girlfriend even though we hadn't talked for a year and I was like OK but this other guy really don't care but me and this other guy like a year later, we weren't really working out not for anything good not for anything bad it just it wasn't progressing so I decided that I miss Zac, but Zac had a girlfriend and I never really did anything bad in my life or tried to be this type of girl in my life but this time for Zac I was I did the craziest of things to get Zac back because I remember how hard he chased me for a year so I thought maybe if I return that energy he take me back and boy did he make me try hard oh more crazy stuff I think one of the main reasons I also got my feelings back for him is cause he got into a fucking car accident or he got hit by a car and I seen he was in the hospital and I was the first person at the hospital that morning. I just had to make sure he was OK like I was literally sick to my stomach throwing up at the thought of him not being OK and then I ran into his girlfriend there this was before I started being crazy about him and then after I seen him like that, I fell in love or I don't know something happened again and then I started being crazy and then eventually I did get him back but he kept his girlfriend so I guess technically I was a side chick but He's the only guy I've ever been with and maybe it's pitiful, but I love them in honestly at that time in my life. I didn't want a relationship either. I just wanted him back in my life so I was OK with it and that went on for some months, oh my God, this is a long story I did OK. My old best friend ended up telling her that me and him were messing around. we stopped talking for a couple of months. It's really toxic. He tries to work things out with his girlfriend, but he eventually starts texting me again one day out of the blue and I let him we start doing everything we were doing again. They eventually break up, but me and Zac were really toxic to each other like we didn't trust each other after all these years and everything we've done to each other so there's no trust so it was just we love each other but what is love without trust so we both feel like we're talking to other people so we eventually end up talking to other people And then we break up again and then he started talking to another girl and now they're dating and he cheated on her the first couple of months I told her because she called my phone one time being a crazy bitch cause I didn't know that he had a girlfriend, but she still decided to go off on me so when he cheated on her I was like Look at this bitch like it wasn't nothing to be proud of, but it's also like Dont blow up my phone don't be a bitch when I didn't know like be mad at your man not me and I know what type of man is so I know he's a good liar but you also just have to be dumb enough to believe it because he's not that good like he just has his stupid look on his face when he lies The only reason I'm updating the stories is cause I was going through my Wattpad and I saw it was like oh shit can't stop there. I mean I could stop there, but it got crazy within these last five years and you know the crazy part the worst part I still love Him