Lost Without You {COMPLETED}

Chapter Seven

WARNING: If you're easily bothered by self harm or suicide please click off now, you have been warned.

Steven's POV:
Well isn't this swell, I'm back at the beginning now. All that progress from therapy, gone. I was in the hospital for about a week before I was released. But not without medication and every eye from thr gems on my back. I swear they haven't left my side since I got back, Lapis especially.

It makes me so angry she was about to tell them what I said. As my beach summer fun buddy you'd think she was on my side, but I guess not. She's just like Connie... I can't trust anyone anymore.

"Hey bud," Amethyst peeks into my room which breaks my thought. "Pearl made some breakfast, it's your favoriiiiite," she gives me a grin.

"I'm not hungry," I reply, looking down at my phone.

I hear her let out a sigh, "alright just holler if you need anything, we'll be downstairs," she closes the door and her footsteps are heard getting quieter and quieter.

Letting out a sigh I close my phone and stick it in my pocket. Guess there's no point of sulking in my bed all day. I throw on my black shirt with my pink jacket and walk downstairs. All the gems are downstairs, Lapis, Bismuth, Peridot included.

"Hey look who's up for this beautiful day!" Bismuth grins as I give a half smile.

"Are you joining us for breakfast, Steven? There's more than enough," Pearl says.

I just lift my hand to her, "I'll pass I think I'm just gonna go get some fresh air." My hand grabs for the door and pull it open, walking outside.

Never thought I'd be back home again already. Guess I got a little homesick and knew I wasn't going anywhere with my car smashed. Luckily dad is able to cover the damage and told me not to worry about it. But what is there to do now? I'm pretty much worthless to run Little Home School again and I'd rather steer clear of Jasper.

With Connie gone my purpose is gone. I thought I had finally found my future, but I guess I was sorely mistaken. The gems don't need me, who really does? Nobody... I'm just back to being alone with nobody who loves me. I know love doesn't make my future but it felt like it. I finally had a purpose in life.

Back then all my purpose was to live up to my mother. The diamond who faked her shattering. Lovely role model she is. Even hurt people, Spinel and Pearl included. Some part of me knows I'm just becoming her. The pink skin, distancing myself from people, becoming easily angered. It's all in the formula. Like mother like son.

I take a seat upon the beach and gaze out at the ocean. Not even this can take my mind away. What am I now? A worthless diamond hybrid who shouldn't exist anymore...

My phone begins to buzz as I pull it out. It's Connie, with every bit of will I have I answer. "What do you want?..."

"I wanted to apologize for letting you down the way I did. You've been through so much and that just added onto the pain. Could you find it in your heart to forigive me? I know sorry isn't enough but I'll try everything I can to be your friend again," She says.

"Apologize for what? For breaking my heart? For making me relapse back into my depression? You expect me to forgive you? There usually is forgiveness in my heart but not this time. Don't call me again," I say cold as ice.

"But Steven-" I cut her off as my skin glows pink. "Get the hint! And don't call me back again!!" Without thinking I reel my arm back and toss my phone into the ocean water.

I take a minute to cool down, my skin turning back to normal. Tears cloud my vision as I run off. Everyone looks in my direction in concern, I just keep running. Suddenly I trip over a stone as it cuts my leg, leaving a pretty long gash. Instead of screaming in pain I don't know why but I just started laughing.

Some part of me enjoyed this pain and craved more. I mean I've been through pain my entire life so why stop now? Taking a sharp jagged rock, I pull up my pant legs and slice it across my legs, blood running down them. I keep going, going clear up to my thighs. But that's where I stop I can't let anyone see these.

I lick my hand and place it upon my wound. Luckily it does heal, but leaves a scar at least I'm not bleeding anymore. That was such a rush of adrenaline and I had control of it. It felt good, really good.

Standing up I begin to walk back, slipping the rock in my pocket. Suddenly that rush of adrenaline becomes pure despair. I know I deserved it. What good have I done? The diamonds are no longer a threat and a few gems were redeemed. Big whoop, Eyeball and aquamarine still want my head on a platter. And if I do run into them I might just let them finish the job.

Storm clouds begin to gather around. The rain that comes down hard mercilessly pelts me, but I don't care. It basically describes how I'm feeling. The waves begin to even rise higher than usual. Guess we're in for something big. I sit down on the wet sand, not even caring my clothes were getting soaked.

The wind violently whips against me, trying to blow me away. Part of me wants to let it but I stay planted in the sand. Looking ahead I see a monster sized wave coming towards me. I lift my arms and close my eyes. I'm ready to die just do it already.

The waves comply, lifting me from the sand and swallowing me into the water. I feel myself getting thrown back and forth between the waves. There's not much more oxygen in my lungs left as I just let myself go. In the corner of my eye I see someone swimming towards me.

But my eyes soon closed as I felt myself lose my consciousness.

Change of plans, you guys are getting something really special next chapter. So stay tuned. As always I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter and I'll see you all in the next one laters.  :)