Chilling Adventures of Sabrina Oneshots/Imagines

Nick Scratch - Everything I'm Not (Part 1)

Full Credit to im-a-writer-sometimes

"What are you doing after class?"

I turned in my seat to see Nick staring at me, a devilish look in his eyes. I smirked.

"Nothing. Why? Is there something you wanted?"

"Meet me in my dorm."

I smiled, rolling my eyes.

"Someone's needy."

Nick and I had been messing around for the past couple of months. Nothing serious, we were both just looking for a way to pass the time. Or at least he was.

I had started out that way, but after months of late night conversations and heartfelt laughter and sweet kisses and fucking amazing sex, I had started to fall for him. Predictable, I know. Like some trope out of a mortal romance novel. But I couldn't help how I felt, and I felt like I wanted to spend the rest of my life with Nicholas Scratch.

Soon enough, class was out and I was in bed with Nick, a tangled mess of limbs. There wasn't any talking, only moans and pants and gentle cries of his name.

It was over way too soon, both of us caught up in the rush of adrenaline. Before I knew it, he had slipped back into his clothes and he was gone, leaving me half-naked on his bed. He didn't even say goodbye.

I knew this was what we agreed to, but it still stung. I ignored the sharp ache in my chest as I slipped my dress back on. Looking in the mirror, I wiped off the smudged makeup under my eyes, erasing any sign of what had happened. As much as I wanted to, I couldn't wipe off the pathetic look that remained on my face. I tried forcing a smile as I stared harshly into the mirror, but my face always seemed to melt back into a look of hopelessness. Sighing, I left his room, softly closing the door as I left. I didn't have anything to do until dinner so I decided to wander around, maybe try to clear my head.

After about an hour or so of wandering, I found myself in the room with the Dark Lord's statue at the center. It was busy, chatter filling up the space around me. In that moment, I wished I hadn't been listening to the conversations that surrounded me.

"I would give anything to have what you and the mortal have."

I stopped in my tracks at the voice that reached my ears, turning to see Nick talking to Sabrina. I didn't miss the way he looked at her, the admiration in his eyes. I didn't miss the way she shyly smiled back. I didn't miss the subtle skip of my heart.

Aiming my eyes towards the floor, I kept walking, glad neither of them had seen me. As soon as I was out of sight of the other students bustling around, I dropped my bag to the floor, sinking the ground. Leaning against a wall, my head buried in my hands, I started to cry. It wasn't loud or dramatic, but the dam behind my eyes just spilled over the slightest bit, all the pent-up emotions becoming too much.

I knew I wasn't enough for him. The voices nagging at the back of my head constantly told me so, but I had forced myself to ignore them. Now, as I sat in an empty room, they were all I could hear along with my pathetic cries.

I had no right to be sitting here, crying over him like some pathetic child. He wasn't mine, at least not really. But my heart still ached. It yearned to see him look at me with half of the affection he had for Sabrina. He barely knew her and he already cared for her more than me. What had I done wrong? What was so damn terrible about me that he couldn't love me?

Before I could sink too deep into my self-depreciation, a voice cut through the silence of the room.

"Y/N?"

I looked up to see Ambrose standing in the doorway, a concerned look on his face.

"Is everything alright?"

Ever since Ambrose had started working by Father Blackwood's side at the Academy, I had grown close with him. We confided in each other, him about Luke, me about Nick. He knew of all the insecurities I had when it came to that certain dark-haired warlock.

"Yeah..." I lied, but he raised his eyebrows. "No... no, not really."

He strolled over to where I was sitting, plopping down next to me.

"Is there anything I can do?"

"You could tell your cousin to stop being so perfect. That might help."

Ambrose sighed.

"What happened this time?"

"I overheard Nick talking to Sabrina about how he wished he had what she had with Harvey and I don't know. The way he was looking at her, like she was... everything I'm not."

"Listen, you're not Sabrina. And Sabrina isn't you. You're strong and thoughtful and intelligent and stubborn as a mule. If he can't see that, it's his loss."

"I know, and I tell myself that, but... I give everything to him. Fuck, I'm pretty sure I love him. And he is always looking at her. Even before she was at the Academy, I feel he's never really seen me."

"Well, you can waste your time trying to make him see you, or look somewhere else instead."

I looked at Ambrose, a soft smile on my face.

"For someone who tried to blow up the Vatican, you're not as stupid as you seem."

He laughed.

"Why thank you, friend. I just hope I can offer you some good advice."

I raised my eyebrows, sighing and starting to stand up.

"It is good advice. The hard part is taking it."

"I believe you are strong enough to do whatever your heart tells you."

I smiled at Ambrose, patting him on the arm.

"Thanks. I feel much better now."

—

"What are you doing later?"

My heart stopped at the voice that reached my ears and I turned to see Nick walking towards me. I opened my mouth to speak, but closed it again not sure of what to say.

"Do you want to meet in my dorm tonight? My roommate is visiting his parents this weekend so we'll have it to ourselves?"

"Um... I'm actually not feeling super great," I lied, not meeting his gaze.

"Oh. Okay, that's fine." He paused. "Is everything okay?"

I finally looked up at him, offering him what I hoped was a convincing smile.

"Yeah, I'm good. I just don't think dinner sat well with me."

"Didn't we have Italian for dinner? You love Italian."

"I don't know, I just don't feel good, okay?" I winced at how harsh my tone sounded, clearing my throat awkwardly. "I'm sorry, I think I'm gonna go to bed."

"Wait, are you sure you're okay? You don't seem okay at all."

"How very observant of you, Nick," I sassed, not sure where this fire had come from. "But if you'll excuse me, I–"

"Did I do something wrong? Are you mad at me?"

I sighed, running my hands down my face.

"No, Nick. You didn't do anything wrong. In fact, you haven't done anything at all. I'm just in a bad mood."

"I've seen you in a bad mood, Y/N. You've never been in a bad mood with me."

I groaned, meeting Nick's confused eyes with my own.

"I heard what you said to Sabrina earlier. About wanting what she has. And, I don't know, it messed with me. Because I want us to have what she has, but we both know you don't want that. And that's fine. I just need to get the fuck over myself, and I can't do that with you right here. In my life. Constantly reminding me of everything I want and everything I don't have. So, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go cry myself to sleep."

You started to walk away, unaware of the shocked expression on Nick's face.

"Wait, Y/N, can we–"

"No. We can't," you said, not even looking back at him. "I'm sorry."